whos there?
bigish
bigishwho?
not today thank you!
Jokes thread - Post your funniest jokes here
by daxy1 » Mon Apr 02, 2007 3:23 pm
A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom." With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:
Dear Mom: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with Ahmed and he is so nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Ahmed taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Ahmed can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grand children.
Your daughter, Judith
PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.
Dear Mom: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with Ahmed and he is so nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Ahmed taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Ahmed can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grand children.
Your daughter, Judith
PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.
-
daxy1 - LFC Super Member
- Posts: 1570
- Joined: Wed Mar 22, 2006 11:27 pm
- Location: birkenhead
by daxy1 » Mon Apr 02, 2007 3:32 pm
CORPORATE LESSON # 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $ 800 just to drop that towel that you have on". After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. Bob has a close look at her for a few seconds, hands over $800 and quietly leaves. Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes upstairs! When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the! $800 he owes me?"
MORAL OF THE STORY: Share critical credit information with your stakeholders to prevent avoidable exposure!
CORPORATE LESSON # 2
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he stopped and offered her a lift which she gladly accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember psalm 129?" The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg. Further on, while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember psalm 129?" Once again the priest apologized. "Sorry sister, but the mind is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth and seek; further up, you will find glory."
MORAL OF THE STORY: Always be well informed in your job; or, you might miss great opportunities!
CORPORATE LESSON #3
Usually the junior executives and staff of the company generally play football; the middle level managers are more interested in tennis
and the top management usually has a preference for Golf.
MORAL OF THE STORY: As you go up the corporate ladder, the balls reduce in size.
CORPORATE LESSON # 4
A young executive was leaving the office at 6 PM when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?" "Certainly, Sir" said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."
MORAL OF THE STORY- Never, never assume that your BOSS knows everything.
CORPORATE LESSON # 5
There were these 4 guys, Russian President Putin, Germany's Chancellor Kohl, America's Dictator Bush and French Premiere Chirac who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appears. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true." The French Premiere Chirac wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool. Next is the Russian President Putin turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka. The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool. The last is American's Randy. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "
!!!!!!!........."
MORAL OF THE STORY: Mind your language, you never know what it will land you in.
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $ 800 just to drop that towel that you have on". After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. Bob has a close look at her for a few seconds, hands over $800 and quietly leaves. Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes upstairs! When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the! $800 he owes me?"
MORAL OF THE STORY: Share critical credit information with your stakeholders to prevent avoidable exposure!
CORPORATE LESSON # 2
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he stopped and offered her a lift which she gladly accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember psalm 129?" The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg. Further on, while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember psalm 129?" Once again the priest apologized. "Sorry sister, but the mind is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth and seek; further up, you will find glory."
MORAL OF THE STORY: Always be well informed in your job; or, you might miss great opportunities!
CORPORATE LESSON #3
Usually the junior executives and staff of the company generally play football; the middle level managers are more interested in tennis
and the top management usually has a preference for Golf.
MORAL OF THE STORY: As you go up the corporate ladder, the balls reduce in size.
CORPORATE LESSON # 4
A young executive was leaving the office at 6 PM when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?" "Certainly, Sir" said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."
MORAL OF THE STORY- Never, never assume that your BOSS knows everything.
CORPORATE LESSON # 5
There were these 4 guys, Russian President Putin, Germany's Chancellor Kohl, America's Dictator Bush and French Premiere Chirac who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appears. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true." The French Premiere Chirac wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool. Next is the Russian President Putin turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka. The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool. The last is American's Randy. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "
!!!!!!!........." MORAL OF THE STORY: Mind your language, you never know what it will land you in.
-
daxy1 - LFC Super Member
- Posts: 1570
- Joined: Wed Mar 22, 2006 11:27 pm
- Location: birkenhead
by wrighty (not mark!) » Mon Apr 02, 2007 3:36 pm
> >The year is 2007 and little bluenose Duncan is talking to his bluenose
> >Dad.
> >
> >SON "Dad, my mates in school told me that Liverpool won the European Cup
> >for the 5th time in 2005 - are they right dad?
> >
> >DAD "Yes son, it's true, but they were dead lucky son, all the way
> >through the tournament"
> >
> >SON "Why dad?"
> >
> >DAD "Well in the group stages ....."
> >
> >SON "What dad, did they have a team from Azerbaijan, Israel, and Ireland
> >in their group?"
> >
> >DAD "Well no, they had Monaco, Deportivo la Coruna, and Olympiakos"
> >
> >SON "Well they still sound like 3 easy teams to me dad"
> >
> >DAD "Actually Monaco reached the final the year before, Olympiakos had
> >won their league 7 times out of the previous 8 seasons, and Deportivo
> >finished above the galacticos of Real Madrid in their league".
> >
> >SON "Jeez dad, that sounds like quite a difficult group then".
> >
> >DAD "yeh I suppose your right son, but they were still lucky - it took a
> >mishit shot by Gerrard against Olympiakos to get through".
> >
> >SON "oh is that the goal were your hero Andy Gray goes berserk shouting
> >"you beauty, you beauty, what a hit son, what a hit!!!!"
> >
> >DAD "yes son it is"
> >
> >SON "oh ok. Well what happened in the last 16 dad, who did they draw?"
> >
> >DAD "Bayer Leverkusen"
> >
> >SON "Bayer who?"
> >
> >DAD "Exactly son, but they had beaten Real Madrid 3-0 at home, and won
> >their group that included Dinamo Kiev and Roma too."
> >
> >SON "bloody hell dad, they sound good".
> >
> >DAD "yes, I suppose you're right son"
> >
> >SON "so did they win on away goals or something"
> >
> >DAD "errrrr, no, they won both legs 3-1 each"
> >
> >SON "oh - well who next then dad"
> >
> >DAD "Juventus"
> >
> >SON "How the f#ck did they get past them Dad?"
> >
> >DAD "Well they did - they won 2-1 at home, and cruised to a 0-0 away
> >draw without Juve having hardly any chances".
> >
> >SON "were Juve sh#t at that time - had all their decent players gone or
> >something?"
> >
> >DAD "well actually they still had players like Del Piero, Nedved,
> >Ibrahimovic, Thuram, and Buffon in the side. And they won Serie A a few
> >weeks later."
> >
> >SON "wow, they beat the Italian champions elect - which p*ss easy team
> >did they get in the semi then?"
> >
> >DAD "Chelsea"
> >
> >SON "Chelsea - for f#cks sake - what a easy draw - they've won
> >nothing, Everton have won more than them".
> >
> >DAD "well that season they won the Premiership and League Cup but the
> >Red sh*te didn't let them score in 186 minutes of football"
> >
> >SON "Jesus Christ - so Liverpool beat the English Champions elect too"
> >
> >DAD "yes son, they bloody well did".
> >
> >SON "so after all that I suppose all the good teams had been knocked
> >out"
> >
> >DAD "not quite son, AC Milan awaited them in the final"
> >
> >SON "no way - aren't they the 2nd most successful team in the
> >competition's history".
> >
> >DAD "yes son they are"
> >
> >SON "so were Liverpool lucky because Milan had all their good players
> >out with injuries"
> >
> >DAD "no - they had Shevchenko, Crespo, Maldini, Nesta, Cafu, Kaka, Stam,
> >Dida, Gattuso, Pirlo, and Seedorf".
> >
> >SON "your 'avin a laff"
> >
> >DAD "it gets worse son, Milan were cruising 3-0 up at half-time".
> >
> >SON "what happened, did they have 3 men sent off in the second half -
> >how did Liverpool get back into the game?"
> >
> >DAD "no, Milan had no men sent off, the Red sh*te scored 3 goals in 6
> >minutes"
> >
> >SON "against the best defence in Europe"
> >
> >DAD "yes!!!, against the best defence in Europe"
> >
> >SON "so what happened next - extra time?"
> >
> >DAD "yes son, and Dudek made the luckiest save ever to stop a Shevchenko
> >shot from a yard"
> >
> >SON "why was it lucky dad - did it hit him on the, nose, shoulder
> >or something"
> >
> >DAD "no son, his hand"
> >
> >SON "well aren't goalies meant to save shots with their hands"
> >
> >DAD "yeah but that's besides the point"
> >
> >SON "then what"
> >
> >DAD "penalties!"
> >
> >SON "English teams are at penalties"
> >
> >DAD "not this f#ckin time they weren't - they only missed one. And
> >that's how Liverpool became the luckiest team to win the European Cup".
> >
> >SON "but I bet when they brought the cup home there was hardly anyone to
> >watch as all Liverpool fans live anywhere but Liverpool you say. How
> >many was there, 5,,000 or so?"
> >
> >DAD "1 million people lined the streets".
> >
> >SON "so let's get this straight dad - Liverpool had 3 good teams in
> >their group, they then knocked out a team who had beaten Real Madrid
> >3-0, they then knocked out the future Serie A champions, then knocked
> >out the future Premiership champions, before coming back from 3-0 down
> >to beat the 2nd most successful club in Europe. And then the whole
> >population of Liverpool came out to welcome them home!!!!
> >
> >DAD "that about sums it up son"
> >
> >SON "dad?"
> >
> >DAD "yes son"
> >
> >SON "can I have a Liverpool shirt for my birthday next week, and can you
> >stop calling me Duncan - I'm Stevie from now on"
> >Dad.
> >
> >SON "Dad, my mates in school told me that Liverpool won the European Cup
> >for the 5th time in 2005 - are they right dad?
> >
> >DAD "Yes son, it's true, but they were dead lucky son, all the way
> >through the tournament"
> >
> >SON "Why dad?"
> >
> >DAD "Well in the group stages ....."
> >
> >SON "What dad, did they have a team from Azerbaijan, Israel, and Ireland
> >in their group?"
> >
> >DAD "Well no, they had Monaco, Deportivo la Coruna, and Olympiakos"
> >
> >SON "Well they still sound like 3 easy teams to me dad"
> >
> >DAD "Actually Monaco reached the final the year before, Olympiakos had
> >won their league 7 times out of the previous 8 seasons, and Deportivo
> >finished above the galacticos of Real Madrid in their league".
> >
> >SON "Jeez dad, that sounds like quite a difficult group then".
> >
> >DAD "yeh I suppose your right son, but they were still lucky - it took a
> >mishit shot by Gerrard against Olympiakos to get through".
> >
> >SON "oh is that the goal were your hero Andy Gray goes berserk shouting
> >"you beauty, you beauty, what a hit son, what a hit!!!!"
> >
> >DAD "yes son it is"
> >
> >SON "oh ok. Well what happened in the last 16 dad, who did they draw?"
> >
> >DAD "Bayer Leverkusen"
> >
> >SON "Bayer who?"
> >
> >DAD "Exactly son, but they had beaten Real Madrid 3-0 at home, and won
> >their group that included Dinamo Kiev and Roma too."
> >
> >SON "bloody hell dad, they sound good".
> >
> >DAD "yes, I suppose you're right son"
> >
> >SON "so did they win on away goals or something"
> >
> >DAD "errrrr, no, they won both legs 3-1 each"
> >
> >SON "oh - well who next then dad"
> >
> >DAD "Juventus"
> >
> >SON "How the f#ck did they get past them Dad?"
> >
> >DAD "Well they did - they won 2-1 at home, and cruised to a 0-0 away
> >draw without Juve having hardly any chances".
> >
> >SON "were Juve sh#t at that time - had all their decent players gone or
> >something?"
> >
> >DAD "well actually they still had players like Del Piero, Nedved,
> >Ibrahimovic, Thuram, and Buffon in the side. And they won Serie A a few
> >weeks later."
> >
> >SON "wow, they beat the Italian champions elect - which p*ss easy team
> >did they get in the semi then?"
> >
> >DAD "Chelsea"
> >
> >SON "Chelsea - for f#cks sake - what a
easy draw - they've won> >nothing, Everton have won more than them".
> >
> >DAD "well that season they won the Premiership and League Cup but the
> >Red sh*te didn't let them score in 186 minutes of football"
> >
> >SON "Jesus Christ - so Liverpool beat the English Champions elect too"
> >
> >DAD "yes son, they bloody well did".
> >
> >SON "so after all that I suppose all the good teams had been knocked
> >out"
> >
> >DAD "not quite son, AC Milan awaited them in the final"
> >
> >SON "no way - aren't they the 2nd most successful team in the
> >competition's history".
> >
> >DAD "yes son they are"
> >
> >SON "so were Liverpool lucky because Milan had all their good players
> >out with injuries"
> >
> >DAD "no - they had Shevchenko, Crespo, Maldini, Nesta, Cafu, Kaka, Stam,
> >Dida, Gattuso, Pirlo, and Seedorf".
> >
> >SON "your 'avin a laff"
> >
> >DAD "it gets worse son, Milan were cruising 3-0 up at half-time".
> >
> >SON "what happened, did they have 3 men sent off in the second half -
> >how did Liverpool get back into the game?"
> >
> >DAD "no, Milan had no men sent off, the Red sh*te scored 3 goals in 6
> >minutes"
> >
> >SON "against the best defence in Europe"
> >
> >DAD "yes!!!, against the best defence in Europe"
> >
> >SON "so what happened next - extra time?"
> >
> >DAD "yes son, and Dudek made the luckiest save ever to stop a Shevchenko
> >shot from a yard"
> >
> >SON "why was it lucky dad - did it hit him on the
, nose, shoulder> >or something"
> >
> >DAD "no son, his hand"
> >
> >SON "well aren't goalies meant to save shots with their hands"
> >
> >DAD "yeah but that's besides the point"
> >
> >SON "then what"
> >
> >DAD "penalties!"
> >
> >SON "English teams are
at penalties"> >
> >DAD "not this f#ckin time they weren't - they only missed one. And
> >that's how Liverpool became the luckiest team to win the European Cup".
> >
> >SON "but I bet when they brought the cup home there was hardly anyone to
> >watch as all Liverpool fans live anywhere but Liverpool you say. How
> >many was there, 5,,000 or so?"
> >
> >DAD "1 million people lined the streets".
> >
> >SON "so let's get this straight dad - Liverpool had 3 good teams in
> >their group, they then knocked out a team who had beaten Real Madrid
> >3-0, they then knocked out the future Serie A champions, then knocked
> >out the future Premiership champions, before coming back from 3-0 down
> >to beat the 2nd most successful club in Europe. And then the whole
> >population of Liverpool came out to welcome them home!!!!
> >
> >DAD "that about sums it up son"
> >
> >SON "dad?"
> >
> >DAD "yes son"
> >
> >SON "can I have a Liverpool shirt for my birthday next week, and can you
> >stop calling me Duncan - I'm Stevie from now on"
-
wrighty (not mark!) - >> LFC Elite Member <<
- Posts: 1105
- Joined: Wed Aug 17, 2005 2:51 pm
by stmichael » Thu Apr 05, 2007 12:17 pm
Subject: Bob Woolmer- Police Breakthrough
In what may be a major breakthrough, Jamaican police investigating thesuspicious death of Pakistan cricket coach Bob Woolmer have released aphotograph of a man who was heard shouting "Woolmer" and angrily banging onhis door in the early hours of the morning. They are hopeful that a member of the public will recognise him.
In what may be a major breakthrough, Jamaican police investigating thesuspicious death of Pakistan cricket coach Bob Woolmer have released aphotograph of a man who was heard shouting "Woolmer" and angrily banging onhis door in the early hours of the morning. They are hopeful that a member of the public will recognise him.
Last edited by stmichael on Thu Apr 05, 2007 1:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
-
stmichael - Forum Moderator
- Posts: 22644
- Joined: Tue Feb 10, 2004 3:06 pm
- Location: Middlesbrough
by stmichael » Tue Apr 24, 2007 3:07 pm
A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest replied, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of bath."
The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be," then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest replied, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of bath."
The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be," then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
-
stmichael - Forum Moderator
- Posts: 22644
- Joined: Tue Feb 10, 2004 3:06 pm
- Location: Middlesbrough
by Dundalk » Wed Apr 25, 2007 11:54 am
A teacher asked her class, What do you want out of life?
A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, "All I want out of life is four little animals.
The teacher asked, "Really, and what four little animals would that be sugar?
The little girl said, "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in my bed and of course, I'll need a jackass to pay for all of it.
A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, "All I want out of life is four little animals.
The teacher asked, "Really, and what four little animals would that be sugar?
The little girl said, "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in my bed and of course, I'll need a jackass to pay for all of it.
-
Dundalk - >> LFC Elite Member <<
- Posts: 14767
- Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2005 9:46 am
- Location: Dundalk
by daxy1 » Fri May 18, 2007 4:02 pm
THE LOVE STORY OF RALPH AND EDNA
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"
-
daxy1 - LFC Super Member
- Posts: 1570
- Joined: Wed Mar 22, 2006 11:27 pm
- Location: birkenhead
by 66-1112520797 » Fri May 18, 2007 4:06 pm
daxy1 wrote:THE LOVE STORY OF RALPH AND EDNA
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"
St. Mikes joke was good too.
- 66-1112520797
-
- Related topics
- Replies
- Views
- Last post
-
- Men jokes, women jokes - Post up your best two each
1, 2by Judge » Fri Oct 06, 2006 2:37 pm - 21 Replies
- 3685 Views
- Last post by 74-1160487249
Thu Oct 12, 2006 4:24 pm
- Men jokes, women jokes - Post up your best two each
-
- Political jokes - And others you care to post up
1, 2by Judge » Wed Apr 12, 2006 2:44 pm - 25 Replies
- 3554 Views
- Last post by bng89
Thu Apr 20, 2006 1:21 am
- Political jokes - And others you care to post up
-
- Should make you smile - Post some jokes here
1, 2, 3by Benitez No1 » Fri Sep 23, 2005 4:21 pm - 39 Replies
- 5646 Views
- Last post by Paul C
Fri Sep 23, 2005 11:59 am
- Should make you smile - Post some jokes here
-
- Post an picture of a tv character - Who is the funniest on the show
by Dundalk » Fri Oct 09, 2009 8:51 pm - 6 Replies
- 2383 Views
- Last post by laza
Sat Oct 10, 2009 10:25 am
- Post an picture of a tv character - Who is the funniest on the show
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 75 guests
-
- Advertisement