Liverpool FC Forum

[stmichael]

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

You will come across a matchbook that will change your life. Inside the cover it will say "You too can be a criminal mastermind!"


Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

A friend will ask you for help, but you should turn them down, silently, with a sad little shake of your head. When they ask what's wrong, sigh deeply, and mutter "nothing, it's nothing."


Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Too much "musk" in that cologne - don't try it. Or if you do, bring along a few carrots for the moose.


Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

.syas enoyna gniht elgnis a dnatsrednu ot elba eb t'now uoy yadot, ylddO


Leo (July 23 - August 22)

A person of Irish descent will attempt to sell you something you don't especially want, today. Strive to turn the conversation to Tilapia (a type of freshwater fish) -- you'll find it's his new hobby.


Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

You will spend another day surrounded by idiots, or perhaps by well meaning but simple folks, who will drone on and on until your smile becomes forced, and you will begin to look like a deranged rodent.


Libra (September 22 - October 22)

Good day to learn a new trick for dealing with people who come by your home to try to sell you something. Open the door v..e..r..y slowly, and squint at them. Then resume sharpening a large kitchen knife, while they are talking at you.


Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Remember: people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. It's ok to throw mashed potatoes, however.


Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

You will contemplate nothingness today, but somethingness will keep intruding upon your thoughts.


Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

This week, try to live your life based on the ad copy of a men's cologne. For example: "The mood of the sea, and the spirit of the wind" (Cool Water, by Davidoff) Or perhaps: "Disturb the equilibrium" (Catalyst for Men, by Halston)


Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

Your requests are being ignored. Often you can get people to pay attention by simply adding a few words to the end of your request, such as "Pick up your socks, dear, or die screaming."


Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

You will have an enormously exciting day, today, compared to your usual day. You will find the prize in the cereal box.

[Judge]

dias uoy gnihtyreve dootsrednu i



noitciderp nairecnac eht rof ekimts sreehc

[stmichael]

yes folks, i'm back. seasons greetings to you all. 

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

While attending a séance "just for fun", you will be possessed by the spirit of Rasputin. Surprisingly, it will be a good career move.


Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Remember that silly song The Monster Mash? Beginning today, you will start sounding a lot like the lead singer in that song.


Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

You're in luck! What you thought was existential nausea is really only a mild case of salmonella poisoning. So you can sell back that Complete Works of Jean-Paul Sartre.


Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

It will occur to you to wonder, what if Jesus had actually said "The geek shall inherit the earth", but was just misquoted? Then you'll think of Bill Gates. Then you'll start to worry.


Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Today is the 1,750,000-year aniversary of the invention of hand tools! (The original hand tool was the Oldovan Chopper, commonly made of chipped flint, and originally sold under the Sears Craftsman label.) Celebrate by getting out there and banging some rocks together!


Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Vlad The Impaler continues to come up in casual conversation. You might want to consider wearing a silver cross, despite your theological leanings.


Libra (September 22 - October 22)

You will be in an extremely stuffy meeting today, which will seem to last forever. You will be able to liven things up a smidge by putting a few small feathers in your hand, and then "coughing" them out.


Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Today you will lie to yourself. Amusingly, you will be completely taken in, and will be very annoyed later when the truth comes out.


Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Good day to begin that toothpick sculpture you've been thinking of. Of course, where you're actually going to put a life-sized toothpick sculpture of a rhinocerous is another matter.


Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

You'll feel like you can't do anything right today. Unfortunately, it turns out you're right...


Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

You will be hired as a cook/housekeeper for 7 extremely short gentlemen, who all live together. Stay away from apples, for a while.


Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Due to minor lymph-node infection, several dangerous toxins will shortly be released into your bloodstream. Not to worry. You'll survive, and the only permanent brain damage will involve an enthusiasm for polka music.


merry christmas 

[stmichael]

Happy new year guy's. May Mystic Mick make all your dreams come true in 2006. 

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

You will spend most of the day attempting to tie knots in a piece of cord, using only your toes. You will be unable to say why, but this will seem like a useful skill to you, at the time.


Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

It's ok to spill the wine today, if you feel you really have to. Under no circumstance should you dig that girl, however.


Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Privacy will be an issue today. This may possibly be because a group of foreign tourists will follow you everywhere, smiling and nodding the entire time.


Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Good day to buy a stereo microscope, and examine that stuff under your toenail. Well, as good a day as any.


Leo (July 23 - August 22)

You will discover the secret to becoming a great artist! You can stick anything you want on the wall, the trick is to make people think deep thought went into it. For example, spray-paint a bathroom plunger gold, and stick little angel wings on it. Call it "Life In The Details."


Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

You will find yourself using a very old spreadsheet program, soon. So old, in fact, that the columns have to be either Doric, Ionic, or Corinthian.


Libra (September 22 - October 22)

A huge spacecraft will hover over your dwelling structure today, and secretly analyze you down to the last parasitic microbe in your epidermal layers. They will be on the point of making contact with humans, and offering us technology to cure all illness, let us live indefinately while looking like healthy 20-year-olds, and give us the ability to travel interstellar distances in an eyeblink...when they spot you making something with SPAM. After a bit of horrified bleeping at each other, they will zoom off, never to return.


Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

You will stack furniture in the bathtub, today. That's just the sort of thing you would do, your friends will say.


Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Today the universe will stop expanding, and start contracting. You will be the only one who notices. Also, you will develop a strange desire to wear golf shoes.


Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

Excellent time to take up weasel ranching. Or at least to claim that's what you do, at parties.


Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

It's time to tell your friend to quit wearing that rediculous goatee. Why not recommend a sheepee, instead?


Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Everyone you know will wear unmatched socks, today. Actually, it's stranger than you think -- they'll all members of a pagan cult, and this is Sock Swap Day.

[dawson99]

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Today the universe will stop expanding, and start contracting. You will be the only one who notices. Also, you will develop a strange desire to wear golf shoes.

weird, u write that and today i wore these to work!!!!

[stmichael]

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Good day to ponder the parable of the itsy bitsy spider, and the futility of climbing up water spouts during spring weather. You'll be able to apply this lesson to one of your current relationships.


Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Deny everything.


Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Today you will discover that there is nothing more silly than a silly laugh. A silly nose wiggle ranks pretty highly, though.


Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

You will have a grilled cheese sandwich today, and a bowl of tomato soup. When nobody is looking you will secretly dunk your sandwich.


Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Would you just Stop? Nobody else feels the need to dance around like that...


Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Poit twoonie squaggle? Floon morble tid bubbu taha, hen? Hen?


Libra (September 22 - October 22)

You will be hired as a cook/housekeeper for 7 extremely short gentlemen, who all live together. Stay away from apples, for a while.


Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Someone will dash up to you today, say "meep meep! bthpblthpblthp!", and then dash off. At least now you'll know how to spell it.


Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Today you will irritate people. In fact, you'll irritate yourself.


Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

You will be intensely jealous of a rival today. Finally, you will realise that it isn't doing you any good to be jealous, so you'll switch over to envy.


Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

Try being entirely honest for a week. That's a fine way to develop a clear conscience. Personally, I prefer my method, though -- a poor memory.


Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

If you don't start flossing more often, the tooth fairy will be a constant companion. Start taking better care of yourself.

[stmichael]

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Something will start to bother you, and you will eventually have to ask someone to explain it. The thing is, some birds have very acute hearing - so WHERE ARE THEIR EARS??


Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Good time to invest in collectible things you never had any use for. Susan B. Anthony dollars may make a good start. (Unlike your usual investments, the value of those can only plummet so far...)


Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

What ever you do today, don't panic. Remember to bring a towel. Government bureaucracy figures heavily in your life, soon.


Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

You will be followed by an evil-looking man in an old green Ford pickup truck. Surprisingly, it will turn out that following people is just his hobby, and you have nothing to worry about.


Leo (July 23 - August 22)

If you want someone to change, it's often good to give them a painful option and a less painful option, and let them choose their own course. For example, "Do you want to pick up you own wet towel, dear, or would you like to have a live weasel stapled to your leg?"


Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Today you will watch something like a hawk. Basically, you do that by having unblinking beady little eyes, and a brain the size of a peanut.


Libra (September 22 - October 22)

You will begin a bitter and drawn-out battle with a gopher. You don't stand a chance.


Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Today you will uncover a conspiracy, involving leaf-blowers and other noisy and completely pointless garden equipment.


Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

You've been complaining too much, lately. You might find more to enjoy in your life by watching a documentary about a lot of people starving to death in miserable third-world slums. I know that always cheers me right up!


Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

Everyone you work with will start spending a lot of time balancing things on their nose. This could be bad. You may have a renegade seal trainer lurking in your midst!


Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

Today is the 1,750,000-year aniversary of the invention of hand tools! (The original hand tool was the Oldovan Chopper, commonly made of chipped flint, and originally sold under the Sears Craftsman label.) Celebrate by getting out there and banging some rocks together!


Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Today, by practicing for hours in the mirror, you will finally be able to keep a "stiff upper lip." Much to everyone's surprise, it will prove to be an excellent boost to your career.

[Igor Zidane]

wow thats weird i had to use the leaf blower today to get them off the platforms at my station. The other weird thing is that my station is called St Michaels. Spooky.

[stmichael]

yes folks, it's back. if you don't like it blame judge, who inspired me to make a comeback with his "iconic threads" thread


Aries (March 21 - April 19)

You will make pizza from scratch today (dough and everything), and will beam with pride. As well you should.


Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Go wild today! Try a different brand of ramen noodles -- or even go so far as to sprinkle a little chopped green onion over them!


Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Today's a good day for original thinking and bursts of creativity. Also, not a good day to wear flammable clothing.


Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

You will start having strange dreams of becoming an aquatic creature. Eventually, you'll spend nearly all your time in the water, and will attempt to get strangers to throw you fish.


Leo (July 23 - August 22)

You will hear screams coming from a Hungarian restaurant, while you are walking by. Don't worry, though. That's normal.


Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

You will be traumatized by an episode with a stapler, today. You will be unable to even look at a stapler for several weeks, without trembling.


Libra (September 22 - October 22)

Your neighbour thinks his dog is so smart, it's starting to bug you. The thing to do is cover a book with a book cover that says "Quantum Physics for Dogs", and train your dog to lay next to it, along a pad of paper covered with scribbled equations and a chewed-on pencil...


Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

You will soon need to look older than you actually are. Bushy eyebrows generally do the trick. You'll find that a little rubber cement and a pair of sleepy hamsters are just what you need.


Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Good day to let your imagination soar. Tomorrow: imagining you're sore.


Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

This might be a good time to learn how to really "flick" your fingers. You never know when a good flick will be needed. I'm betting it's soon, though, in your case.


Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

Flour tortilla day, today. You know what I mean.


Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

You will have a nightmare tonight, in which you find yourself dangling from the ceiling, while brightly colored paper maché animals with glowing eyes file into the room. One of them will be carrying a stick. Perhaps you shouldn't eat so much candy before going to bed?

....................................................................................

more at the same time tomorrow 

[Judge]

i was gonna post something witty then stmike, but youve beaten me to it

[stmichael]

Time for today's wise words 

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Excellent day for light conversation. Good starting points might be "Have you ever thought much about death?" or "Where's the strangest place you ever had sex?."


Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

You are about to have an unfortunate episode involving insects, grape Kool-Aide, and a revolving door.


Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Pinch your pennies, this week. Next week: fondling your nickels.


Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Today someone will accuse you of spending too much time with your computer. The way to handle that is to say you've got "lots of work to do." (And don't let them spot you fondly caressing it.)


Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Excellent day to run a new metaphor up the flagpole, and see if anyone salutes.


Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

This will be a very happy week for you. And you know what they've been saying about that for thousands of years, don't you? "Happy Good! Me Like Happy!"


Libra (September 22 - October 22)

Excellent day to dig a very big hole. If you pile the dirt up around the sides, and make huge "paw prints" around it, you can have some fun by phoning a TV station and telling them about the gigantic gopher you saw.


Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

You look rediculous in that. Go and change.


Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Excellent day to crouch behind furniture, and peer over the top. If you can do that while wearing one of those Groucho Marx noses, so much the better.


Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

Today is an especially bad day to try something new involving explosives. Try to keep a low profile.


Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

Time to throw down the gauntlet. Or, if you can't find a gauntlet, a ski mitten will do. Just make sure you throw it down. (That's one heck of a lot more fun than throwing it up.)


Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Today you will discover that you are capable of "channelling", when you start spouting ancient sumerian curses at a short little dweeb who cuts you off in traffic. You will start taking notes in cuneiform.

[stmichael]

yes folks, it's back

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Uh oh. Mars is out of alignment, again. Not a good day to hang out with stupid, violent, heavily-armed ex-convicts. Save that for tomorrow.


Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

You will discover that you can raise one eyebrow by itself, but not the other. This will aggravate you, and you'll spend the majority of the day in front of the bathroom mirror, trying to correct the situation.


Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Your children will return, but they'll be unnaturally quiet and good-natured. Eventually, you'll discover how the switch was made.


Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

You will find that if you deliberately mispronounce "sir" as "sair", you can answer a lot of questions with either "yes air" or "nose hair."


Leo (July 23 - August 22)

It's ok to whistle while you work. Your co-workers will draw the line at yodelling while you work, however. They're probably just jealous.


Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Today you will discover a strange-looking thing in your underwear drawer. Best not to tell anyone.


Libra (September 22 - October 22)

Good day to go on a voyage of self-discovery. Try to be back in time for dinner, though.


Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

You will have a rather unfortunate episode involving turnips, today. Later, however, you'll be able to write a killer song about it.


Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Good day to take up crime fighting, as a hobby. First, make yourself a really awesome leotard and cape, and maybe some sort of unusual headgear. That's how most of them get started.


Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

You will have a nightmare tonight, in which you find yourself dangling from the ceiling, while brightly colored paper maché animals with glowing eyes file into the room. One of them will be carrying a stick. Perhaps you shouldn't eat so much candy before going to bed?


Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

Ah ha! You will finally have an opportunity to use the word "plumbaginous" in casual conversation today! You will be discussing either bicycles or aircraft, at the time.


Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Later this week you'll feel much like Scarlet O'Hara did, when she said, "I'll never be hungry again!"

[Judge]

how many times have you said ''yes folks its back''

[shanks72]

Interesting thread, Stmichael....................

Please don't take this the wrong way and I hesitate to say this really, but..................

I am a Scorpio on the cusp, as it were, being 22 Nov. Sometimes I'm put in Scorpio and sometimes in Saggitarius.

But I have been told, for what it's worth (by people who know me well!!), that it should be Scorpio.

PLEASE could you move me back.............and away from all those dodgy Saggys.............................no offence, Dawson!!     

I would be grateful, thanks.

     

[stmichael]

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Nobody knows the trouble you've seen. Except for Bob, that is. You know - the quiet neighbor, with the binoculars?


Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Some strange "hooting" creature will hide in your bushes today. You should be able to drive it off by whacking the bushes soundly with a kitchen broom.


Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Your ship will come in today! Unfortunately, you won't have anywhere to put it.


Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Yogurt day today. Did you know that some "natural remedies" books recommend squishing yogurt (the kind with active cultures) in your hair, to relieve dandruff? You should give it a try.


Leo (July 23 - August 22)

You will be followed by people who look suspiciously like shoe salesmen. Try to remain calm -- they can sense fear.


Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Your plans to take over the world move forward to the next stage, soon, right on schedule. What you need now is a hunch-backed henchperson with pale protruding eyes. Fortunately for you, a suitible candidate will soon show up at your door, dressed as a peanut.


Libra (September 22 - October 22)

You've just finished something, but you're starting to wonder if it would be better if you tried it another way. Forget it -- that way, madness lies.


Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Today you will be invited to go on a 3 hour boat tour, which you think will be lots of fun. It may last longer than you expect...


Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Good day to make sure you are prepared for a big earthquake. Get bottled water, a first-aid kit, canned food, flashlights, transistor radio, sturdy hiking boots, and a feather boa.


Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

Today you will receive a gift horse. Unfortunately, it will have a really horrendous case of gingivitis.


Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

Today an ecologically-minded organic foods co-op will move into your home, while you're away. You'll be smelling whole-wheat fig bars for months, even if you succeed in extricating them. (Which is unlikely, in today's political climate. They need somewhere to hide. Have a heart.)


Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

You will aquire a slight sniffle, today. (A sniffle is a cross between a dachshund and a cairn terrier, bred especially to spot helicopters.)