![Post Post](https://www.liverpoolfc-newkit.co.uk/styles/lfc/imageset/icon_post_target.gif)
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You will make the startling discovery that most of the lawyers and judges in your county have been possessed by demons. In fact, they weren't kidding when they said that possession was nine tenths of the law...
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You are always running out of things to say, at dinner. Try memorizing a whole lot of facts about commercial fish farming -- that's always a good topic for discussion.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Time to do something about that high blood pressure. Have you tried leeches?
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Small fluffy animals will come over and lean on you, today. It's just their way of showing their appreciation, and of telling you that you are furniture.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Someone named "Bob" is plotting to whap you with a calla lilly. If you carry long-stemmed carnations around with you today, you will be able to retaliate swiftly and effectively.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Don't go out today, without a spatula. I can't say more.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Today you will discover a hair growing in an odd place. Don't worry about it, unless the odd place is your eye.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
To your vast embarrassment, you will be unable to describe the differences between halibut, sole, and flounder. It's easy to remember, though -- they are (in order) "big", "small", and "clumsy."
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
This is a good time to remember Einstein's advice, to make things as simple as possible, but no simpler. That applies both to theoretical physics, and in your case, to dinner.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Once you're that far behind, there's really no way to get caught up. You might as well do something fun instead. You can tell them I told you it was ok.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Your plans for a do-it-yourself replica medieval catapult will arrive today! Soon, your neighbors will become nervous (but you can explain that their fears are groundless -- you couldn't possibly hit anything that close with it).
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Today one or more close relations will pout. You will stoicly endure this, and will steadfastly refuse to relinquish control of the remote control.
![biggrin :D](https://www.liverpoolfc-newkit.co.uk/images/smilies/biggrin.gif)
You will make the startling discovery that most of the lawyers and judges in your county have been possessed by demons. In fact, they weren't kidding when they said that possession was nine tenths of the law...
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You are always running out of things to say, at dinner. Try memorizing a whole lot of facts about commercial fish farming -- that's always a good topic for discussion.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Time to do something about that high blood pressure. Have you tried leeches?
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Small fluffy animals will come over and lean on you, today. It's just their way of showing their appreciation, and of telling you that you are furniture.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Someone named "Bob" is plotting to whap you with a calla lilly. If you carry long-stemmed carnations around with you today, you will be able to retaliate swiftly and effectively.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Don't go out today, without a spatula. I can't say more.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Today you will discover a hair growing in an odd place. Don't worry about it, unless the odd place is your eye.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
To your vast embarrassment, you will be unable to describe the differences between halibut, sole, and flounder. It's easy to remember, though -- they are (in order) "big", "small", and "clumsy."
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
This is a good time to remember Einstein's advice, to make things as simple as possible, but no simpler. That applies both to theoretical physics, and in your case, to dinner.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Once you're that far behind, there's really no way to get caught up. You might as well do something fun instead. You can tell them I told you it was ok.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Your plans for a do-it-yourself replica medieval catapult will arrive today! Soon, your neighbors will become nervous (but you can explain that their fears are groundless -- you couldn't possibly hit anything that close with it).
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Today one or more close relations will pout. You will stoicly endure this, and will steadfastly refuse to relinquish control of the remote control.
![biggrin :D](https://www.liverpoolfc-newkit.co.uk/images/smilies/biggrin.gif)