Why did the baker have brown fingers?
Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 11:11 pmbecause he kneaded a poo
b'dum tsch
b'dum tsch
Oh wait yes they do:
What did the bra say to the top hat?
You go on ahead i'll give these two a lift...
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Why did the baker have brown fingers?
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Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 11:11 pmPosted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 11:15 pmThey dont get any worse do they?
Oh wait yes they do:
What did the bra say to the top hat?
You go on ahead i'll give these two a lift...
Oh wait yes they do:
What did the bra say to the top hat?
You go on ahead i'll give these two a lift...
Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 8:53 amWoollyback wrote:because he kneaded a poo
b'dum tsch
Two monkeys in the bath, one says "oooh oooh ahh ahh ahh".
The other one says "Put some cold in then!!"
Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 10:22 amSo stupid they make you laugh.
Oh, and what do you call a Russian bloke with three balls?
Who'dyouknicka Bollockoff.
Oh, and what do you call a Russian bloke with three balls?
Who'dyouknicka Bollockoff.
Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 10:42 amdawson99 wrote:Woollyback wrote:because he kneaded a poo
b'dum tsch
Two monkeys in the bath, one says "oooh oooh ahh ahh ahh".
The other one says "Put some cold in then!!"
hot coffee just spat all over laptop in public
Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 10:53 amJim Davidson told a story where he walked into a cake shop in South Africa just as the baker was laying out some cakes. Davidson says "They look lovely, I'll have one of those chocolate eclairs"
The baker says "F'uck off , dats my thumb !"
(not pc , but it did make me laugh )
The baker says "F'uck off , dats my thumb !"
(not pc , but it did make me laugh
)Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 1:45 pmandy_g wrote:dawson99 wrote:Woollyback wrote:because he kneaded a poo
b'dum tsch
Two monkeys in the bath, one says "oooh oooh ahh ahh ahh".
The other one says "Put some cold in then!!"
hot coffee just spat all over laptop in public
should that be in woofs embarrassing moment thread
Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 1:51 pmThat's fantastic.
Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 1:53 pmLando_Griffin wrote:That's fantastic.
cheers lando, and i only wrote one sentance
Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 2:17 pmPosted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 2:22 pmWhat do prisoners use to call each other ?
Cell phones
Cell phones
Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 2:33 pmRight - no-one get the p*ss on or your knickers in a twist - if this offends anyone, I will be more than happy to remove it:
A Taliban suicide bomber pulls the plug and explodes........................BOOM!!!
A short while later he finds himself on a huge white staircase leading towards the heavens, so he starts climbing up. After an hour of hard climbing, he arrives at a landing where an old man in white robes with a long flowing beard is sitting surrounded by ledgers.
'Excuse me sir' he says 'are you Mohammed?'
'No' replies the old man, 'I am St Peter, Mohammed is further up the stairs'.
'But this is wonderful news' screams the bomber, 'Mohammed is higher than St Peter! I can hardly believe it.'
With this he carries on climbing up the stairs. After an hour or so of hard climbing he arrives at another landing. Standing on the landing is a serene looking man with long hair and a long white beard. 'Excuse me sir' he says 'Are you Mohammed?'
'No' replies the old man, 'I am Jesus, Mohammed is further up the stairs'.
'But this is amazing news' screams the bomber, 'Mohammed is higher than Jesus!I can hardly believe it, martyrdom is wonderful!!!'
With this he carries on climbing up the stairs. After another hour or so of hard climbing he arrives on a huge landing. There, sitting on a magnificent throne is another old man, with flowing white robes, beard and long white hair. 'Excuse me sir' he says 'are you Mohammed?'
'No' replies the old man, 'I am God.'
'But this is absolutely amazing news' screams the bomber, 'Mohammed is higher than God! I am so happy I can't believe it, martyrdom is more than wonderful!!!'
'You look tired my son' said God 'would you like to sit down and rest a while?'
'Oh yes' replied the bomber 'I am very tired and would love a rest before I carry on, thank you.'
The bomber sits down and God says
'You look thirsty my son, would you like a cup of tea?'
'Oh yes please' replies the bomber 'I am most thirsty, thank you.'
With this God turns and snaps his fingers and shouts 'Oy, Mohammed, two teas over here, and make it snappy !!
A Taliban suicide bomber pulls the plug and explodes........................BOOM!!!
A short while later he finds himself on a huge white staircase leading towards the heavens, so he starts climbing up. After an hour of hard climbing, he arrives at a landing where an old man in white robes with a long flowing beard is sitting surrounded by ledgers.
'Excuse me sir' he says 'are you Mohammed?'
'No' replies the old man, 'I am St Peter, Mohammed is further up the stairs'.
'But this is wonderful news' screams the bomber, 'Mohammed is higher than St Peter! I can hardly believe it.'
With this he carries on climbing up the stairs. After an hour or so of hard climbing he arrives at another landing. Standing on the landing is a serene looking man with long hair and a long white beard. 'Excuse me sir' he says 'Are you Mohammed?'
'No' replies the old man, 'I am Jesus, Mohammed is further up the stairs'.
'But this is amazing news' screams the bomber, 'Mohammed is higher than Jesus!I can hardly believe it, martyrdom is wonderful!!!'
With this he carries on climbing up the stairs. After another hour or so of hard climbing he arrives on a huge landing. There, sitting on a magnificent throne is another old man, with flowing white robes, beard and long white hair. 'Excuse me sir' he says 'are you Mohammed?'
'No' replies the old man, 'I am God.'
'But this is absolutely amazing news' screams the bomber, 'Mohammed is higher than God! I am so happy I can't believe it, martyrdom is more than wonderful!!!'
'You look tired my son' said God 'would you like to sit down and rest a while?'
'Oh yes' replied the bomber 'I am very tired and would love a rest before I carry on, thank you.'
The bomber sits down and God says
'You look thirsty my son, would you like a cup of tea?'
'Oh yes please' replies the bomber 'I am most thirsty, thank you.'
With this God turns and snaps his fingers and shouts 'Oy, Mohammed, two teas over here, and make it snappy !!
Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 2:39 pmLando_Griffin wrote:Right - no-one get the p*ss on or your knickers in a twist - if this offends anyone, I will be more than happy to remove it:
A Taliban suicide bomber pulls the plug and explodes........................BOOM!!!
A short while later he finds himself on a huge white staircase leading towards the heavens, so he starts climbing up. After an hour of hard climbing, he arrives at a landing where an old man in white robes with a long flowing beard is sitting surrounded by ledgers.
'Excuse me sir' he says 'are you Mohammed?'
'No' replies the old man, 'I am St Peter, Mohammed is further up the stairs'.
'But this is wonderful news' screams the bomber, 'Mohammed is higher than St Peter! I can hardly believe it.'
With this he carries on climbing up the stairs. After an hour or so of hard climbing he arrives at another landing. Standing on the landing is a serene looking man with long hair and a long white beard. 'Excuse me sir' he says 'Are you Mohammed?'
'No' replies the old man, 'I am Jesus, Mohammed is further up the stairs'.
'But this is amazing news' screams the bomber, 'Mohammed is higher than Jesus!I can hardly believe it, martyrdom is wonderful!!!'
With this he carries on climbing up the stairs. After another hour or so of hard climbing he arrives on a huge landing. There, sitting on a magnificent throne is another old man, with flowing white robes, beard and long white hair. 'Excuse me sir' he says 'are you Mohammed?'
'No' replies the old man, 'I am God.'
'But this is absolutely amazing news' screams the bomber, 'Mohammed is higher than God! I am so happy I can't believe it, martyrdom is more than wonderful!!!'
'You look tired my son' said God 'would you like to sit down and rest a while?'
'Oh yes' replied the bomber 'I am very tired and would love a rest before I carry on, thank you.'
The bomber sits down and God says
'You look thirsty my son, would you like a cup of tea?'
'Oh yes please' replies the bomber 'I am most thirsty, thank you.'
With this God turns and snaps his fingers and shouts 'Oy, Mohammed, two teas over here, and make it snappy !!
Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 2:40 pmQ. What do you do if you've got an Islamic dog?
A. Muzzle 'im.
A. Muzzle 'im.
Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 2:46 pmIn response to a number of complaints that there are not enough Asians and Eastern European's appearing on TV, the BBC has decided that in the future
'Crime watch' will be shown TWICE weekly.
'Crime watch' will be shown TWICE weekly.