Liverpool FC Forum

NANNY RED wrote:3.53 pm. Bruce demands 12 million. Rafa offers him 12 million and Ryan Babel. Negotiations break down and Bruce heads home in poor temper. Still no sign of Alves, Simao or Aimar

NANNY RED wrote:I nicked this from another site sorry. put a smile on me face for a bit though

Latest news from Melwood

As the clock ticks down to the transfer deadline, all eyes will be on Melwood for potential late signings, movers and shakers at the club. As luck would have it I have an excellent source at the club (that's right, he's in-there-now) who has been keeping me abreast of events. I will you keep updated on his observations; his first few are below.

9.03 am. players arrive for the morning team-meeting. Torres stops to sign some autographs. The mood is subdued amid rumours that the Gaffa is wanted by the old lady. Smiles soon break out when it is explained that the old lady does not refer to an angry Montse and the session will go ahead as scheduled.

9.17 am. Ryan Babel arrives to find the gates shut and the training pitches deserted. Only Torres is there and he is busy with a group of fans. Babel Decides to head home and release a new R&B single. He quickly tweets his agent to express his anger that no one told him training was off.

9.18 am. Ryan Babel recieves 2 points on his license for driving and using a mobile phone

9.24 am. The reserves cautiously come out of hiding, make sure Babel is gone and start to happily kick a ball around.

11.11 am. The rest of the players have gone to the gym to work out. Aquilani is in the pool relaxing. His Aqua-man trunks are very fetching. He considers waxing his chest and asks Dirk for some tips.

11.14 am. The senior players have remained behind for a strategic transfer policy discussion with the management team. The meeting quickly descends into farce as Sammi Lee, Carragher and Gerrard attempt to improve Rafa's pronunciation.

11.25am. A worried Philip Degen, who has been eavesdropping on the group, quickly leaves his post at the keyhole and goes to reception. With no sign of the mysterious fax that the group has been shouting about in sight, he calms down. Perhaps he is safe after all.

12.21 pm. Ryan Babel arrives for lunch in a taxi to find the reserves in full flow. He quickly pulls on his boots, shouting at the taxi driver that he is too good to pay for the trip. He rushes onto the pitch, takes possession of the ball and runs like lightning into the corner.

12.22 pm. Ryan Babel falls over in the corner

12.23 pm. Reserve team training ends.

12.27 pm. Police arrive with an irate taxi driver looking for Ryan Babel. Pepe Reina sorts out the bill and gently admonishes Ryan. Ryan tweets his twitter buddies to tell them that Pepe is a stand-up guy.

12.32 pm. and security are busy tracking down some miscreant who has climbed onto the wall around the training ground and has been shouting abuse at the players ever since. As Phil Brown is dragged away he is heard to shout that none of the Liverpool players would get into his team. As he is stuffed into the back of a police van, Rafa tries to sell him Babel. No joy.

12.34 pm. Torres is still signing autographs. One girl has offered to name her baby after him. Torres is flattered. She then asks if he would help her make that baby. Torres is quite worried. He edges his way into Melwood. Still no sign of Silva, Villa or Quaresma.

1.15 pm. All the players are in for a pasta lunch with chicken and peas. Dirk has brought his own fish instead, one that he caught in the Liverpool canal. He offers his pasta lunch to Rafa who wolfs it down with great appreciation. On a sheet of paper headed 'Team V Bolton' Benitez pencils Dirk's name.

1.18 pm. Ryan babel tries to enter the foodhall but finds the doors locked. He angrily tweets his grandmother to tell her that lunch was called off, but nobody told him. He decides to head home and produce another radio show. He passes through reception on the way out and waves goodbye to Philip Degen who is still anxiously awaiting a fax.

1.27 pm. Rafa manages to finish off Ryan and Philip's lunches. He feels a slightly guilty twinge since Montse had told him to cut his carb intake. Then he spies Insua's pudding and decides he can fit in a little more.

1.28 pm. Having struck a deal with Rafa, Insua heads off to tell Aurelio he will be on the bench again this weekend.

1.47 pm. Carragher decides to work on his short passing game. He grabs Pacheco and heads to the pitches.

1.48 pm. Carragher stands in one corner of the pitch and proceeds to hoof ball after ball toward Pacheco. The exercise becomes increasingly difficult as Pacheco is forced to run around chasing errant missiles.

1.53 pm. After amassing a massive 0/16 completions, Carragher tires of the exercise. He pulls a pound coin from his pocket and throws it toward the fast moving Pacheco, catching him in the head first time.

155 pm. Pacheco receives 8 stitches and is ruled out of the starting 11 for Bolton. He might make the bench though.

2.22 pm. and Glenn finally walks in to Melwood with his hand stuck in a horse. He explains to the medical staff who are finishing patching up Pacheco that he had hoped to speed up his recovery by using placenta to heal the wound. No one has the heart to tell him that placenta is not normally found in the rectal region.

2.25 pm. Carragher tries to top the Ronaldo video by repeatedly hitting the bar from the halfway line. So far he has hit the corner flag twice. Gerrard puts down his inflatable CL cup just long enough to catch it on his camera phone.

2.26 pm. Torres finally stops signing autographs for the security man and ground staff. He tries to get a late lunch and bumps into a guilty looking Rafa who is busy trying to steal chocolate from the vending machine.

3.03 pm. and some excitement at last, Jones has arrived for a medical!

3.04 pm. Correction, it's Ryan Babel, in a wig, trying to sneak back in without Rafa finding out.

3.49 pm. And Steve Bruce arrives with Jones in tow. Initially there is some confusion when security mistake him for Dirk's brother and send him to the pool where the Dutchman and Aqua-man are still swimming laps.

3.52 pm. Bruce, in poor temper, finally meets Rafa and accuses him of lacking respect. His position is somewhat weakened by the huge price tag he has sellotaped onto Jone's forehead.

3.53 pm. Bruce demands 12 million. Rafa offers him 12 million and Ryan Babel. Negotiations break down and Bruce heads home in poor temper. Still no sign of Alves, Simao or Aimar

Very Funny!!!

roberto green wrote:1.47 pm. Carragher decides to work on his short passing game. He grabs Pacheco and heads to the pitches.

1.48 pm. Carragher stands in one corner of the pitch and proceeds to hoof ball after ball toward Pacheco. The exercise becomes increasingly difficult as Pacheco is forced to run around chasing errant missiles.

1.53 pm. After amassing a massive 0/16 completions, Carragher tires of the exercise. He pulls a pound coin from his pocket and throws it toward the fast moving Pacheco, catching him in the head first time.

155 pm. Pacheco receives 8 stitches and is ruled out of the starting 11 for Bolton. He might make the bench though.

haha:D