Ferguson has issued a 'me or him' ultimatum to the United board
The argument begain after the Manchester United manager pulled faces at himself while shaving. Before he could lunge at the reflection with his razor, he was dragged away by assistant Mike Phelan, who sat him down on the toilet and gave him some chewing gum.
Ferguson said: "I've behaved terribly and I've really gone down in my own estimation. Until I have the decency to look myself in the face and apologise I'd prefer if I'm not in the same room.
"When I've won as many titles as I have, then I can try to eyeball myself like that. I'm a disgrace and I'll be reporting myself to the FA for calling myself that. Then again, I shouldn't expect more from the likes of me."
To ensure Ferguson does not have to confront his own face, every surface in the stadium has been repainted in a matte finish and bespectacled staff have been ordered to either wear contact lenses or place a bag on their head.
The Glazer family has also refinanced its £500m debt to buy a huge weather machine to deflect storm clouds that might dump dangerously reflective puddles into the manager's path.
Groundsman Charlie Reeves said: "The orbit of Sir Alex's eternally-incandescent strop has slowly wound down as the years have gone by and gradually turned itself inwards.
"Three years ago, he'd have a blue fit at anybody vaguely Scottish in the building, now he's having mingehuffs with his own reflection. Give it another 12 months and his lungs will start knocking
out of each other inside his own ribcage."Original: http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/sport....1182387
