Training today, its all going very well as Rafa announced he was going to give me a free role. Was really pleased as the butties at Melwood cost a fortune. Asked for squid but I think this upset the boss as he looked at me odd and called me a plastic scouser whatever that is.
Tuesday
Spent the day being compared to Dalglish, dont know how to take this really. I know Carra keeps calling me a big girl but is Kelly really something to strive for. Mind you I would get on Soccer AM with her brother, mmmnn
Wednesday
Spent the day practising my English, I can really get in Gary Nevilles face now, "Hola Gary, can you tell me where the train station is you nonce"
Thursday
Went through tactics for the Mancs match today. Rafa says its very easy, Josemi kicks Ronaldo, Carra distracts Van Horse Face with sugar lumps and I spend the match smiling at the Neville's girlfriends, easy.
Friday
Went out with the lads today on a team building exercise. We all went out to Formby to the squirrel sanctuary. Stevie says this is where Shreks bird tossed her ring in the mud whilst he tossed his beans in some knocking shop, none of this was listed in the phrase book so stood closer to Xavi for a while.
Saturday
No match today so went out for a beer with the lads. I was expecting some wine and a few light snacks, then one or two light beers, some fish and rice and maybe a nice brandy to finish before a salsa with a nice young lady. Had nothing to eat, 4 vodkas and red bull, an abysinthe, something with gold bits in it followed by standing around a dance floor staring at girls hop from foot to foot in front of their bags. Just before I passed out I was grabbed by Trina from Kirby who said she could suck a golf ball up a 10m hosepipe. Passed out and woke up in Carra's green house.
Sunday
Watched Hollyoaks felt s**t all day
