from RAWK:
BREAKING NEWS:
Sky Sports News can exclusively reveal that Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard has hired the services of Slovakian hitman Martin Skrtel to tackle the threat of Spain's latest hero David Villa.
The alarming move came after it appeared that during the Euro 2008 match between Spain and Russia, David Villa sprinted 40 yards towards Fernando Torres who had been substituted earlier in the game after Villa completed his marvellous hattrick. This was said to have angered Gerrard, who believes that Torres should be his bitch.
Martin Skrtel is known to be something of a Slovak monster, destroying anything that comes across his path with ease. Skrtel is also known to appear suddenly in any situation, which causes mass shock and death to anyone who is unlucky to suffer this terrifying ordeal.
The Gerrard-Torres relationship has been evident throughout Liverpool's Premier League and UEFA Champions League campaign, and the possible threat of David Villa will only lead to tensions on the pitch, adding to the pressure of manager Rafael Benitez, who is already having to fight his own battle with te club's American owners regarding funds available for major transfers.