by GRAHAM01 » Tue Jun 19, 2007 8:58 am
A van driver used to amuse himself by scaring the **** out of every manchester united fan he saw strutting down the road in his red and white uniform. He would swerve as if to hit them, and at the last minute, swerve back onto the road. One day as he was driving along the road, he saw a priest hitch-hiking. He thought he would do his good deed for the day and offer the priest a lift. "Where are you going, Father?" he asked.
"I'm going to say Mass at St Joseph's church, about 2 miles down the road," came the reply.
"No problem," said the driver, "Jump in and I'll give you a lift."
The happy priest climbed into the van and they set off down the road! Suddenly the driver caught site of a united fan on the pavement, and instinctively swerved as if to hit him, but just in time, remembering the priest in his van, swerved back to the road again, narrowly missing ! Although he was certain that he didn't hit him, however, he still heard a loud "Thud". Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors, and, seeing nothing, said to the priest, "Sorry Father, I almost hit that man u Supporter walking down the road there."
"That's okay," replied the priest, "I got the ****** with the door!!"
An antique collector walks into a store in a place called Hamlyn. He sees a small brass rat on the shelf. After looking for any other bargains in the store, he decides he wants to buy the rat. He asks the storekeeper “How much for the brass rat?” The storekeeper says “Ten pounds for
the rat. One hundred and twenty pounds for the story about the brass
rat.” The guy says “What’s the story?” The storekeeper says “I wont tell you unless you give me a hundred and twenty pounds.” The collector says “Skip the story”, pays for the rat, and walks out of the store. He puts the rat in his backpack and starts riding his bike across the nearest bridge. A short time later, the guy looks behind him and sees a rat following him. This strikes him as odd, but not unheard of, so he pedals on. A moment later he hears cars honking behind him and turns around to see a pack of about a dozen rats following him. He turns
and pedals faster. Finally, as he nears the other side of the bridge he
looks behind him and sees hundreds of rats chasing him. He concludes that
the rats must be chasing the brass rat and decides this is too much. He
stops his bike, pulls the rat from his pack and throws it off the bridge
into the river. He watches as the huge pack of rats jump off the bridge and drown. Relieved but curious, the guy pedals back to the antique store. The storekeeper sees him come in, shakes his
head, and says “You should have bought the story. You can still have it for one
hundred and twenty pounds.” The guy shakes his head and says “Forget
the story. How much for the brass Manchester United Supporter?"
A Scouser goes to amsterdam and hires a hooker
He askes her can she do it merzyside style
'no' she says, 'that sounds to kinky 4 me'
'I will give you £500,' says the scouser.
'no still to kinky for me,' she says.
They eventually agree on £1500 and both have the time of their life, so she asks what is merzyside style, The scouser runs to the door and says ' I will pay you next week!'
if you want some come get some!
(apart from the parrotgliding one)
and lick it
