Charles Dickens was clearly thinking about Liverpool’s 2006-7 season when he wrote: “It was the best of times, it was the best of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of Liverpool FC, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity.” Excellent stuff, even if Dickens has clearly nicked most of his best lines from me. We won the Champions League at Cardiff with goals from Riise and Crouch, with just the one consolation goal from Shevchenko. Chelsea were always second best, the lossers.
In Athens, we showed how it is possible to accept defeat with dignity, although the results of the inquiry will, I’m convinced, show that Milan bribed not only the referee but also inveigled a bunch of agent provocateurs to storm the Liverpool end with crudely forged tickets. History will show that the best team won, and that always means Liverpool FC.
Of course, there were disappointments. For example, I was astounded that my own bid for the club wasn’t accepted. Obviously I’m not at liberty to divulge the details, but with the credit cards at my disposal it’s no exaggeration to say that we’re talking four figures. I admit that I wasn’t pleased when they went with the two Americans instead, on the grounds that they had more money. In the cold light of day, however, it turned out they just had more credit cards, because there were two of them.
On the way home, I did what anyone else would have done in the circumstances, and tried to buy Wolverhampton Wanderers for a fiver. Even here I was gazumped yet again by some eejit immediately doubling my opening bid. I had expected we might have been going up in increments of fifty pence, but Morgan has always had more money than sense, which in his case means about seventeen quid.
But there’s no hard feelings in the SJD camp. On the possibly mistaken understanding that der Kaiser was instrumental in finding our new owners, I spent three days preparing the now legendary banner, “GILLETT – THE BEST HAMANN COULD GET” which was intended to be sarcastic. But it turned out Didi had nothing to do with the deal, more’s the pity.
For next season, I expect that the reds are going to win the lot, as usual. The only thing we won’t win is the August’s Community Shield, which should be renamed “the lossers’ consolation” in honour of those two clubs who will remain forever in our shadow.
I predict also that LFC.tv will finally see sense and rescind the ban. If they don’t, you’ll still find me skulking round that ninth circle of hell, although to be honest the official site better fits the description of Dante’s inferno, whose denizens always know the past and the future but can never understand the present. Kopites claim that Liverpool FC is the best of all possible football clubs; UEFA fear they’re probably right.