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by **luvliverpool** » Sat Mar 24, 2007 5:40 am

Right guys and girls I thought this was hialrious so just had to post.......apologies if this offends or is int he wrong place but it is class!!

She had a f*nny like a stab wound in a gorilla's back

Look's like she's been dooking for apples in a chip pan

Had more hands up her than sooty!

She's got a face like a dog lickin pi*h off a nettle.

It looks like she's been set on fire and put out with a golf shoe!

She's got a face that could make an onion cry.

I wouldn't ride her into battle.

Everyone has a right to be ugly, but she abuses the privilege

I wouldn't do her with a rusty pole

Mair chins than a Chinese phone book

She smells like an alkies carpet

She has seen more japseyes than an oriental optician

It's like sha*gin a pail of water.

It's like sha*gin the sleeve off a wizards cloak!

She's killed more co*ks than a fowl butcher

Fa*ny like a ripped out fireplace

Face like a sand blasted tomato

Ar*e like a bag of washing

She sweats like a dog in a Chinese restaurant

She's seen more helmets than Hitler

Face like a stuntman's knee

She's got a fa*ny like a badly packed kebab

Like opening the window and sha*ging the night

She's seen more co*kends than weekends

A left her with a face like a painter's radio

Fa*ny like a clowns pocket

Fa*ny like a Hippo's yawn

She's that ugly not even a sniper would take her out

I bet she's got a fa*ny like a pub carpet

More pri*ks than a second hand dartboard.

Face like a blind joiners thumb

Shes done more lengths than Duncan Goodhew

She's been shot over more times than Sarajevo

Even the tide wouldn't take her out

Got more finger prints on her than Scotland Yard

Handled more balls than Dino Zoff

Pi*h flaps like John Waynes saddle bags

She had a pair of flaps on her like a gutted trout

A chunt like a burst couch

A face like she's been ram raiding on scooters

She's had more seamen than Saltcoats

She's seen more stiffs than Quincy!

She's seen more cokes than a bottle of bacardi!

C*cked more times than Elmer Fudds shotgun

by **Lando_Griffin** » Sat Mar 24, 2007 6:11 am

F*cking fantastic. :laugh:

by **luvliverpool** » Sat Mar 24, 2007 6:30 am

I thought so 2 Lando m8............that's why I just had 2 share

by **Bad Bob** » Sat Mar 24, 2007 3:09 pm

luvliverpool wrote:Like opening the window and sha*ging the night

There's something about this one that just has my pissin' myself. I'm cryin' here! :laugh:

by **Scottbot** » Sat Mar 24, 2007 3:13 pm

luvliverpool wrote:I wouldn't ride her into battle.

I wouldn't do her with a rusty pole

Fa*ny like a ripped out fireplace

She's seen more helmets than Hitler

Face like a stuntman's knee

Like opening the window and sha*ging the night

I left her with a face like a painter's radio

Fa*ny like a Hippo's yawn

Even the tide wouldn't take her out

A chunt like a burst couch

Pis.sing myself here. Top class

Selected a few of my favourites. I gotta do some revision and learn some of these!

by **Scottbot** » Sat Mar 24, 2007 3:14 pm

Bad Bob wrote:
luvliverpool wrote:Like opening the window and sha*ging the night

There's something about this one that just has my pissin' myself. I'm cryin' here!

That one broke me too! The best of the bunch although 'a face like a stuntman's knee' runs it close

by **red37** » Sat Mar 24, 2007 3:43 pm

My kind of thread!

:laugh:

you've just got to love the endless colourful ways in which our language can be used.

by **Bad Bob** » Sat Mar 24, 2007 4:16 pm

"I left her with a face like a painter's radio."

by **Redman in wales** » Sat Mar 24, 2007 5:20 pm

quality - best thread ive read in a long time

:laugh:

by **wrighty (not mark!)** » Sat Mar 24, 2007 6:59 pm

Shes got a face like a pound of smacked tripe

Shes got a fanny like an elephants earhole

by **Dundalk** » Sun Mar 25, 2007 12:51 am

Body off Baywatch......

Face of Crimewatch......

by **Dundalk** » Sun Mar 25, 2007 12:58 am

Bad Bob wrote:"I left her with a face like a painter's radio."

Quality

Very funny

by **Lando_Griffin** » Sun Mar 25, 2007 5:51 am

My favourite is the dog licking p*ss off a nettle, though. I nearly f*cking choked.

by **jkop** » Sun Mar 25, 2007 11:09 am

Brilliant

Here's another............Looks like a bulldog chewing a wasp.

by **Scottbot** » Sun Mar 25, 2007 4:22 pm

looks like she's eating a sh..i.t sandwich

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