Liverpool FC Forum

by **Ciggy** » Sat Feb 10, 2007 7:59 pm

Right Im gettin older now like and still havent seen me dad.
I know where he lives an that.
Me mum gets well p.issed off when I talk about him, she was with him for 4 years but he had an affair they broke up and that.
He has 3 other girls all alot younger than me after ten years his first came along, but what I cant stand is people saying is oh omg your the spit of some girl I know called Joanne when I dont even know Joanne and she doesnt even know that her dad is a dad already.

Me mum wont even entertain me talkin about the whole thing, and Im getting older so is he, I dont know what to do.
I dont want to hurt me mum, but at the same time I wana feckin know what me dad looks like and them 23 b@stard sisters that I have got little do they know their beloved dad is a grandad not that he will ever have the pleasure of my Aaron.

by **Ciggy** » Sat Feb 10, 2007 8:08 pm

I also heard that my other nan was desprate to see me and the daughter who arranged it all died of cancer and my other nan moved to Warrington and married again so I dont know her marriage name.
She has never accepted my dads new wife cause she always loved me mum that much.

by **account deleted by request** » Sat Feb 10, 2007 8:23 pm

1/ If you go to see him DON'T take Aaron. If things don't work out its just you , your mum and your dad get hurt.

2/ Explain to your mum BEFORE you go. Better to have a small row before you go than have a huge one when she finds out after.

3/ Don't have an agenda, just go with an open mind ( you don't know his side of the story)

4/ Make sure you are ready to be knocked back (he may not want to know you!)

5/ Take a friend if possible, and don't stay long (you can always see him again if things go well)

6/ Write him a letter rather than phone. A letter gives you both time to gather your thoughts and say what you mean, rather than on the phone where things can get confused.

Just a few thoughts Ciggy. Hope whatever you decide works out for the best. (I would take the chance myself )

by **Kash_Mountain** » Sat Feb 10, 2007 8:24 pm

It does sound like you have this nagging feeling to make contact and want closure. You mentioned that your getting older, the thing is, not making contact could leave you with regrets later on. On the other, obviously you don't want to hurt your mum.

You have stepsisters/brothers that you have never met. Would you like to meet them? You may have even sat a few seats away from them at Anfield and not even know.

It's a hard call there Ciggy.

by **Ciggy** » Sat Feb 10, 2007 8:32 pm

s@int wrote:1/ If you go to see him DON'T take Aaron. If things don't work out its just you , your mum and your dad get hurt.

2/ Explain to your mum BEFORE you go. Better to have a small row before you go than have a huge one when she finds out after.

3/ Don't have an agenda, just go with an open mind ( you don't know his side of the story)

4/ Make sure you are ready to be knocked back (he may not want to know you!)

5/ Take a friend if possible, and don't stay long (you can always see him again if things go well)

6/ Write him a letter rather than phone. A letter gives you both time to gather your thoughts and say what you mean, rather than on the phone where things can get confused.

Just a few thoughts Ciggy. Hope whatever you decide works out for the best. (I would take the chance myself )

Siant you make it out like they knew something they know about,
They dont even know that I was born, never mind my son.

by **Judge** » Sat Feb 10, 2007 9:06 pm

Ciggy wrote:Right Im gettin older now like and still havent seen me dad.
I know where he lives an that.
Me mum gets well p.issed off when I talk about him, she was with him for 4 years but he had an affair they broke up and that.
He has 3 other girls all alot younger than me after ten years his first came along, but what I cant stand is people saying is oh omg your the spit of some girl I know called Joanne when I dont even know Joanne and she doesnt even know that her dad is a dad already.

Me mum wont even entertain me talkin about the whole thing, and Im getting older so is he, I dont know what to do.
I dont want to hurt me mum, but at the same time I wana feckin know what me dad looks like and them 23 b@stard sisters that I have got little do they know their beloved dad is a grandad not that he will ever have the pleasure of my Aaron.

Thats a difficult one to call here ciggs love.

But if you feel you should see him for your own piece of mind, to lets say, rest some ghosts (if you get my drift), then you should seek him out. Maybe it will answer some questions you have for him and completely put your mind at ease.

If it is bothering you now, it will bother you even more later and it will eat at you for along time to come, especially if your biological father dies and leaves you with all those unanswered questions you may have?? There is a saying; theres no time like the present.

That doesnt mean you have to embrace him totally, but by doing nothing may have a detrimental effect on your mind set. Furthermore, what you dont want to happen is to have any regret by doing nothing, even for the sake of curiosity.

Life is too short, and to be honest, only you can make that decision to see your dad. I understand your mums concerns, but it is your choice and right as a responsible adult to decide what you want to do. Your mum will not hate you for doing it, but maybe cheesed off by it, but she will get over it and will always be there for you, as she always has. That will never be in doubt.

By my reckoning, you are most likely to be afraid, and that is understandable. In life you cant always please everyone all of the time, but you can please yourself. The latter is always possible.

So in short, if you want my advice, for what its worth, go and see your dad and make your own mind up. Then you will know for sure.

all the best with it

Sincerely

alan (aka judge)

by **Ciggy** » Sat Feb 10, 2007 9:07 pm

This is the prolem they dont know about me.

by **Judge** » Sat Feb 10, 2007 9:09 pm

Ciggy wrote:This is the prolem they dont know about me.

your dad knows though, that will be your opening to procede if you decide. you cant worry about others if its bothering you.

its you that matters, everything else will fall into place.

see your dad on his own if possible and take it a bit at a time

by **Ciggy** » Sat Feb 10, 2007 9:17 pm

Ha ha ha

by **Judge** » Sat Feb 10, 2007 9:18 pm

Ciggy wrote: Ha ha ha

i dont understand

by **shanks72** » Sat Feb 10, 2007 10:42 pm

Ciggs, if you really want to do it, then I think you should make contact with him.

Like the Saint says a letter is a good way of getting the ball rolling so to speak.

But I defo think you should do it. If your mum was in your shoes she may well be feeling the way you are.

She probably doesn't want it all raked up again as far as she is concerned...but this is about YOU and as much as you love your mum, this sounds like something you just have to do.

As for the other siblings...they may like to get to know you...but your feelings are paramount here, I feel, not theirs...whatever they think.

You have a right to know your father and families are far from perfect....many of us have skeletons in the cupboard...

You have obviously weighed it all up in your mind. If he doesn't want to know you....which I hope will not be the case...what will you have lost?

If you are prepared for any eventuality, then I think you should go for it...otherwise you may regret it....

But like others have said, at the end of the day it is up to you and good luck with whatever you decide to do.

xx

by **J*o*n*D*o*e** » Sat Feb 10, 2007 11:03 pm

my question would be, has he ever tried to contact you

also he`s your biological father not your dad

Be warned and i know from experience once you open pandora`s box you have no control of what comes out of it despite what others might say.

yes it could be wonderful but it could also be the biggest mistake of your life, this is a big decision and i aint going to blind you with sentiment.

been there done it got the t-shirt so to speak.

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