Liverpool FC Forum

by **7_Kewell** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 12:35 pm

thegreedo wrote:...splattering his brains all over the passing Bessie, Anti-Hero's spaniel. She had fled from Anti-Hero's bedsit to rid herself from the years of molestation at the hands of the impish deviant and was just unlucky enough to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Greedo looped the carrying strap of his plasma rifle over his shoulder and ran the last few streets to the site of Zarababe's apartment. He buzzed the intercom and a quiet feminine voice said "Yes?". Greedo tried to answer but was unable to speak as he was breathing out of his ar$e, desperately trying to catch his breath after foolishly kidding himself he was fit enough to run the hundred yards to Zarababe's apartment. Five minutes later after he had composed himself greedo pressed the buzzer once more, the same reply was forthcoming, this time though with a tinge of annoyance in the voice. Greedo announced himself and was surprised to hear he had been expected, the door buzzed and he entered.

The Oracle's apartment was both vast and lavish, the kind of place Lando would choose to squat in. Zara emerged with an apparent orange glow surrounding her, amazed , greedo enquired if it was some kind of aura. Zara laughed hysterically and said "Ya daft blert, don't be so soft I've just got off me sunny! Anyway what can I do for ya lad?".
"I was told you could help me find the whereabouts of the homo's who tried to kill me."
"I take it you mean Lando, Lundo, Peewee, Rafa-Dodd and Anti-Hero?"
"Well, not so much Anti-Hero, I've already decided he's punished enough every time he looks in the mirror but I would like to know where the others are."
"Hold on, this won't take long." said Zara before beginning to tweak her nipples as if tuning in a radio. Then in a voice that could best be described as a combination of Barry White and Rusty Lee, she said "Lundo is no longer with us, he died in a freak pet shopping accident, Peewee met a she-male and has flown back to Thailand to marry him/her, any Lando and Rafa Dodd have gone too see Hey Dolly at the newkitsville palace theatre. I hope this will help you on your quest.". Before the mahogany tinted Oracle could finish her sentence greedo had gone, the thirst for revenge heightened by his newly acquired knowledge.

Meanwhile back at Dawson's strip club..........

dawson was putting the finishing touches to his bikini strip routine

by **Judge** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 1:57 pm

while dancing to the man from del monte music

until 7kewell shouted in a loud voice ''it should be full monte you nonce''

dawson :blush:

, then proceeded in an angry manner towards 7kewell.

7kewell was visibly frightened, which was not unusual, as a child he'd been attacked in a local swimming pool by a shoal of angry sticklebacks, and never got over it...............................

by **7_Kewell** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 5:59 pm

Judge wrote:while dancing to the man from del monte music

until 7kewell shouted in a loud voice ''it should be full monte you nonce''

dawson , then proceeded in an angry manner towards 7kewell.

7kewell was visibly frightened, which was not unusual, as a child he'd been attacked in a local swimming pool by a shoal of angry sticklebacks, and never got over it...............................

Retreating to the defensive fisherman pose, 7_kewell unleashed his secret weapon…

by **anti-hero** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 6:06 pm

7_Kewell wrote:
Judge wrote:while dancing to the man from del monte music

until 7kewell shouted in a loud voice ''it should be full monte you nonce''

dawson , then proceeded in an angry manner towards 7kewell.

7kewell was visibly frightened, which was not unusual, as a child he'd been attacked in a local swimming pool by a shoal of angry sticklebacks, and never got over it...............................

Retreating to the defensive fisherman pose, 7_kewell unleashed his secret weapon…

He pulled down his pants and Judge screamed in horror.

by **7_Kewell** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 8:45 pm

for Kewell had gout of the legs...

by **Garymac** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 9:24 pm

...not only that but he should also be told that when people tel you to tie a knot in your n0b to remember things, its not to be taking literally, but what was it Kewell didnt want to forget??

by **Lando_Griffin** » Wed Jul 19, 2006 3:05 am

"Bum thegreedo" - it came back to him.

7_kewell raced as fast as his little legs could carry him to his beloved greedo.

They spent the afternoon making the two-backed-beast, before greedy b*stard resumed his quest for even MORE anguish - trying to kill Lando - the one man he TRUELY loved.

It wasn't the poor, emaciated ignoranus' fault he was insanely jealous that Lando spurned his advances in favour of a hetrosexual existance. It wasn't his fault he had the features of a pug, and the sexual allure of a mentally deficient Hallibut.

It WAS his fault that the rather fetching Lando was forced into a rigorous escapade of simpleton-dodging and rectum-insuring.

The stalker had p*ssed off his idol once too often. It was time for the little man to pay.

Lando jumped into his Jaguar XKR and sped off in search of the terminally besotted Greedo.

Using the latest in GPS technology, Lando tracked-down his fancier, and prepared himself for the bloody battle that would ensue.

Lando got out of his car and called out to the vile asperser.

"Come out and face me, you maggott. Your days are numbered. This is for all the flowers and boxes of Milk Tray you've sent me, you filthy little fairy. Come on out and fight like a man, you dithering puddle of rodent-spunk."

Just as Lando was calling out, all of Thegreedo's neighbours twitched their curtains, hoping to catch a glimpse of their vile co-resident.

"Are you too scared to face me, anal gland secretion?" Lando added, impatiently.

The door to Thegreedo's shack slowly creaked open, and a blackened, almost childlike hand emerged from the darkness.

"Don't kill me, Lando - PLEASE!" The waivering toddler-esk voice pleaded.

"I'm sorry for hurting you so many times in the past. The chocolates and flower's were..." "Unwelcome, you homo scum", Lando interrupted.

"You're going to die, little man." Lando began his trek toward to quivering Greedo.

Just as the little turd was about to be washed away, an amazingly bright light hit Lando in the eyes, and, stunned, he staggered backwards, covering his face.

Thegreedo had transformed into a much larger man - maybe 12ft tall, and with a beard the length of Papa New Guinea.

He was Shang Tsung from Mortal Kombat!!!!!

"You should have killed me while yo uhad the chance, Lando." Thegreedo's now masculine voice said, defiantly.

"I will kick your as* even now, you wavery-bearded old trout."

"You will die." They said, together.

Shang Tsung morphed into Raden, and disappeared, only to reform behind Lando (where greedo always wanted to be), and he landed a rather feminine blow to the back of his head.

"You big f*cking girl, greedo!" Lando taunted.

"I...I...I CAN'T TAKE MY EYES OFF YOUR BUM!!!!!!" Shang Tsung said, hatefully. "You have the NICEST BUM IN THE WORLD!!!!", The raving homo exclaimed.

"Thankyou, but that's NOT for you, chutney-ferret."

Lando laid into SHang Tsung with a hail of punches and kicks, as unrelenting as they were effective.
Suddenly, "Finish Him!" appeared on the wall to their right-hand-side, and Lando had a sudden urge to imagine a PS2 controller and a complicated series of X's and O's.

As SHang Tgreedo swayed uncontrollably, Lando quickly ate a Vindaloo, dropped his kegs and lit a fart which contacted SHang Tgreedo's face perfectly.

The homosexual morph-man went up in flames, and was burnt to a crisp.
Lando kicked the scortched dirt that surrounded his crispy foe, so as to act as a makeshift grave.

Then he went home to Eva who'd prepared crispy aromatic duck for tea.

And he ate it.

And then he had vigorous sex with his perfect wife.

The End.

...

Or is it!?!

by **Judge** » Wed Jul 19, 2006 7:16 am

it certainly wasnt the end, as nostrolando had predicted. Every knew he was a lying fuck

, nonetheless, greedo, anti hero and even work safe rafa-dodd were on the prowl. Much like a pack of hyenas. But these fuckers werent laughing, they were salivating, as lando was bent down with his kecks around his.......................

by **thegreedo** » Wed Jul 19, 2006 2:01 pm

ankles taking advantage of his double jointed back with a bout of self administered falatio. Every couple of minutes he would lift his head in order to shout out some strange Japanese sounding gibberish, it sounded like "Shang Tsung, Wang Chung, Ying tong diddly I po" or something similar, the wobbling mass was clearly delusional.

Rafa dodd turned to greedo and said " He wasn't acting like this in the theatre, he was full of the joys of spring. Singing and dancing and when his hero Graham Norton came on in the title role he just..."
"Alright Rafa! I get the picture" shouted greedo.
"But I haven't told you how we went to HMV to buy Doris Day's greatest hits yet...."
"Enough I said, get down on your knees next to him. And you Anti! You're all going to pay for trying to kill me!" with that greedo cocked his plasma rifle, pointed it towards the sorry looking trio and...

by **Judge** » Wed Jul 19, 2006 4:56 pm

slapped them with a dildo...

by **Lando_Griffin** » Thu Jul 20, 2006 2:56 am

"Ooooh, you BITCH!!!!" Anti-hero exclaimed like an effeminate bag of wind.

"Die, motherf*cker!!!!" Lando shouted, as he farted into greedo's mouth.

His gob swelled to 43 times it's normal size, and his head exploded like a firework inside a paper bag.

Lando...

by **anti-hero** » Thu Jul 20, 2006 5:45 am

then got slapped on the head by anti-hero.

"Effeminate? You lying bastard. Now what are we going to do with Judge?"

Judge, who was watching the events unfold from his preferred viewing position, behind the kneeling Peewee, abrutly tucked his head back behind Peewee's shoulders in a feeble attempt at hiding.

"Judge, you fat ass you're not fooling anybody."

"Now come here you poof." snarled Lando.

Judge rose from behind Peewee and as he walked towards Lando, Peewee..

by **Judge** » Thu Jul 20, 2006 7:18 am

they could do nothing to judge, as they were weak. Peewee, decided to form an alliance with judge, so they could twat greedo, anti hero and possibly lando (if he didnt decide to join our gang

).

he agreed.....................

by **Lando_Griffin** » Fri Jul 21, 2006 2:06 am

Judge wrote:they could do nothing to judge, as they were weak. Peewee, decided to form an alliance with judge, so they could twat greedo, anti hero and possibly lando (if he didnt decide to join our gang ).

he agreed.....................

... to go and have sex with Eva while the fighting commenced, as he had hurt his back at football!

The theraputic rythm of Eva's lovemaking soon fixed the lumbar pain, and Lando dashed to the skermish, as fast as his thunder-thighs could carry him.

After stopping at the rat-cafe on the way to get a burger and have a sh*t, Lando resumed the chase, and caught up with his foes about 45 minutes later than he had planned.

Before him lay a scene of total carnage - he had just been sick. The rat-cafe burger was 97% pure salmonella, and the fat man chucked more chunder than at a morning-sickness parade.

After the bout of food-poisoning, he...

by **thegreedo** » Fri Jul 21, 2006 1:49 pm

...found he had become hungry once more. Suddenly the copious amount of chunder that surrounded him was looking irresistably appertising so he took out one of the crusty loaves he kept in the pocket of his unfeasably large jogging bottoms (just for emergencies) and proceded to mop up the rancid vomit and scoop it into his huge jowels, spooning it with the torn bloomer.

Greedo realised he was out numbered and although the group before him looked comical to say the least he knew some sausage jockies were occasionally a little butch, so, in order to maintain his virgin sphyncter he thought it wise to make his escape and live to wreak revenge another day. With that he took hold of his plasma rifle, tw@tted the feastng Lando with the butt and made off. Peewee tired from a night of wild sex with his shemale Thai bride was too exausted to give chase so Judge alone set off in persuit only to slip in what remained of Lando's snack and fall face first ito the cottage cheese-like slop.

The now wheezing greedo made off into the distance with Lando cursing the fact Judge was obscuring his next mouthful. Peewee, clearly angered, put one hand on his hip in rage and said....

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