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by **Cool Hand Luke** » Mon May 08, 2006 9:40 pm

Homer: Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.

by **Cool Hand Luke** » Mon May 08, 2006 9:40 pm

Homer: I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.

by **Cool Hand Luke** » Mon May 08, 2006 9:42 pm

Sea Captain: Yar, I'm running a school for lobsters, we practice tough love, daily chores etc.
Marge: We're not sending the lobster to a snooty boarding school!
Sea captain: I understand, it can be hard to let go. Tell me this then ... (holds out hand)do ye have any spare change?

by **The Ace1983** » Mon May 08, 2006 9:43 pm

Mob: "We're here, we're queer, we don't want any more bears!"
Quimby's aid: "There's a mob here to see you, sir"
Quimby: "Do they have an appointment?"
Quimby's aid: "Er.. yes sir, they do"
Skinner: "I called in ahead!"

by **Bad Bob** » Mon May 08, 2006 9:47 pm

Friend: "Stu, you should by that jacket"
Stu: "Disco Stu doesn't advertise"

by **Macca** » Mon May 08, 2006 10:23 pm

Best bit for me is the episode were Homer has to go back to college to learn about how to do his job at the nuclear plant

The college professor makes a joke

"I see a lot of new faces here but with the old saying out with the old in with the nuclears"

The rest of the class start laughing apart from Homer who doesnt get the joke

Next thing the professor drops his papers and Homer is howling with laughter by himself, its his laugh in that scene that does it for me

by **The Ace1983** » Mon May 08, 2006 10:26 pm

Homer: "Oh my God! It's my exact double! Oh my God! It's a dog with a puffy tail! Here puff puff..."

by **GOAT** » Mon May 08, 2006 11:22 pm

Moe: "Hey im Moe, or as the ladies know me, hey you behind the bushes!...is this thing on?"

Barney: "oh, no sorry Moe"

---------------------------------------------------------

Moe when watching maggie: "Alice in wonderland? Hmm must be a take on that Alice in underpants i saw..." Looks at maggie. "Its so great to be with someone who doesnt understand the horrible things i say"

by **Bad Bob** » Mon May 08, 2006 11:54 pm

In honour of the World Cup this summer, here's some gems from the episode where the Germans buy the nuclear plant from Mr. Burns:

-------------
Horst(?): We Germans are not all smiles und sunshine.
Burns: Ooooh, the Germans, I'm so scared!

-------------
Horst(?): We regret to announce the following lay-offs in alphabetical order. Simpson, Homer. That is all.

------------
Horst (?): What a happy coincidence. You are desperate to buy and vee are desperate to sell.
Burns: Desperate, eh? Advantage Burns! Gentlemen, I am going to write a figure down on this slip of paper. I think you'll find it a most ungenerous offer.

by **RUSHIE#9** » Mon May 08, 2006 11:55 pm

Bart answers the phone:
"Joe's taxidermy, you snuff 'em we stuff 'em."

Bart again answer the phone:
"Joe's crematorium, you kill 'em we grill 'em."

I wish they'd bring back the crank calls to moe they were quality:

Moe:Moes tavern.
Bart: I'm looking for a ROTCH, first name MIKE
Moe: Mike Crotch, hey has anybody seen Mike Crotch.

Bart: Is Al there?
Moe: Al?
Bart: Yeah, Al. Last name Kahalic?
Moe: Hold on, I'll check. Phone call for Al... Al Coholic. Is there an Al Coholic here?
(The guys in the pub cheer.)
Moe: Wait a minute... Listen, you little yellow-bellied rat jackass, if I ever find out who you are, I'm gonna kill you!

Bart: Is Oliver there?
Moe: Who?
Bart: Oliver Clothesoff.
Moe: Hold on, I'll check. [calls] Oliver Clothesoff! Call for Oliver Clothesoff!
(Marge picks up the extension)
Listen, you lousy bum, if I ever get a hold of you, I swear I'll cut your belly open!

Moe: Yeah, Moe's Tavern, Moe speaking.
Bart: Is Jaques there?
Moe: Who?
Bart: Jaques, last name Strap.
Moe: Uh, hold on. Uh, Jock... Strap... Hey guys I'm looking for a Jock Strap.
[laughs from all] Oh... wait a minute... Jock Strap... It's you isn't it ya cowardly little runt? When I get a hold of you, I'm gonna gut you like a fish and drink your blood.

Moe: Hello, Moe's Tavern. Birthplace of the Rob Roy.
Bart: Is Seymour there? Last name Butz.
Moe: Just a sec. Hey, is there a Butz here? A Seymour Butz? Hey, everybody, I wanna Seymour Butz!
[realizes] Wait a minute... Listen, you little scum-sucking pus-bucket! When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna pull out your eyeballs with a corkscrew!

Bart: (in Principal Skinner's office) Hello, is Homer there?
Moe: Homer who?
Bart: Homer... Sexual.
Moe: Wait one second, let me check. [calls] Uh, Homer Sexual? Hey, come on, come on, one of you guys has got to be Homer Sexual!
Homer: Don't look at me!
Moe: You rotten liver pot! If I ever get a hold of you, I'll sink my teeth into your cheek and rip your face off!
Skinner: You'll do what, young man?

Bart: with Mrs. Krabappel and one of the Sherri/Terri twins
Moe: [answers the phone] Moe's Tavern. ... Hold on, I'll check. Uh, hey, everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt.
All: [laugh]
Barney: Ho ho, that's a good one.
Moe: Wait a minute...
Bart: [hangs up and laughs]

Moe: [answering the phone] Flaming Moe's.
Bart: Uh, yes, I'm looking for a friend of mine. Last name Jass. First name Hugh.
Moe: Uh, hold on, I'll check. [calling] Hugh Jass! Somebody check the men's room for a Hugh Jass!
Man: Uh, I'm Hugh Jass.
Moe: Telephone. [hands over the receiver]
Hugh: Hello, this is Hugh Jass.
Bart: [surprised] Uh, hi.
Hugh: Who's this?
Bart: Bart Simpson.
Hugh: Well, what can I do for you, Bart?
Bart: Uh, look, I'll level with you, Mister. This is a crank call that sort of backfired, and I'd like to bail out right now.
Hugh: All right. Better luck next time. [hangs up] What a nice young man.

Moe: Moe's Tavern, Moe speaking.
Bart: Uh, yes, I'm looking for a Mrs. O'Problem? First name, Bea.
Moe: Uh, yeah, just a minute, I'll check. [calls] Uh, Bea O'Problem? Bea O'Problem! Come on guys, do I have a Bea O'Problem here?
Barney: You sure do! [everyone laughs]
Moe: Oh... [to phone] It's you, isn't it! Listen, you. When I get a hold of you, I'm going to use your head for a bucket and paint my house with your brains!

Moe: [answers the phone] Yeah, just a sec; I'll check. [calls] Amanda Hugginkiss? Hey, I'm lookin' fer Amanda Hugginkiss. Why can't I find Amanda Hugginkiss?
Barney: Maybe your standards are too high!
Moe: [to phone] You little S.O.B. Why, when I find out who you are, I'm going to shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving dogs in your butt!
Bart: My name is Jimbo Jones, and I live at 1094 Evergreen Terrace.
Moe: I knew he's slip up sooner or later!' He unsheathes a rusty knife and heads out of the tavern.

Laura: Hello, I'd like to speak to Ms. Tinkle? First name... Ivana?
Moe: Ivana Tinkle, just a sec. [calls] Ivana Tinkle! Ivana Tinkle! Hey, everybody, put down your glasses. Ivana Tinkle!

This isn't at Moe's; Moe is taking over as the substitute teacher for Mrs. Krabappel's class during the strike
Moe: OK, when I call your name, uh, you say "present" or "here". Er, no, say "present". Ahem, Anita Bath?
[laughter from kids]
Moe: All right, settle down. Anita Bath here?
[laughter]
Moe: All right, fine, fine. Maya Buttreeks!
[more laughter]
Moe: Hey, what are you laughing at? What? Oh, oh, I get it, I get it. It's my big ears, isn't it, kids? Isn't it? Well, children, I can't help that!
Moe runs out of the classroom crying.

Homer: Hello, I'd like to speak with a Mr. Snotball, first name Eura
Moe: Eura Snotball?
Homer: What? How dare you! If I find out who this is, I'll staple a flag to your butt and mail you to Iran!

Homer is looking after Moe's.
Bart: I'd like to speak to a Mr. Tabooger, first name Ollie.
Homer: (excited) Ooh! My first prank call! What do I do?
Bart: Just ask if anyone knows Ollie Tabooger.
Homer: I don't get it.
Bart: Yell out "I'll eat a booger"
Homer: What's the gag?
Bart: Oh, forget it...

All quality gags. :laugh:

by **Bad Bob** » Tue May 09, 2006 12:01 am

Rushie, you got all that committed to memory, mate? Impressive!

Your brief mention of Jimbo reminds me of another great line:

Jimbo: ahhh, now my pants are chaffing.

by **RUSHIE#9** » Tue May 09, 2006 12:06 am

Bad Bob wrote:Rushie, you got all that committed to memory, mate? Impressive!

Your brief mention of Jimbo reminds me of another great line:

Jimbo: ahhh, now my pants are chaffing.

I'm a fountain of simpsons trivia and genius. Matt Groening often calls me up to ask me whether or not they've done this or that in the past as he can't remember. :;):

I suppose i'd better be honest here and say that i remebered the first couple and ended up searching for the rest on google. :devil:

by **Bad Bob** » Tue May 09, 2006 1:53 am

RUSHIE#9 wrote:I suppose i'd better be honest here and say that i remebered the first couple and ended up searching for the rest on google.

(Good man--you were on a roll and wanted to finish the set...I completely understand! Beats my half-assed attempts to remember the particulars!)

More German flavour from Sideshow Bob's trial:

Bob's Lawyer: "Bob, isn't it true that you have "Die, Bart, Die" tatooed on your chest?"

Sideshow Bob (opening shirt): "What this? No, this is German...it says 'The, Bart, The'."

Random woman in the courtroom: "Well, no one who speaks German could be evil!"

by **LFC #1** » Tue May 09, 2006 2:04 am

Cool Hand Luke wrote:OH MY GOD, does anyone remember the episode when Mr Burns long lost son turns up, that’s got so many classics in it.

Burns: I should've known you were the only one stupid enough to kidnap you! Now get down here so I can spank you in front of this gawking rabble. Smithers, take off my belt.
Smithers: With pleasure, sir!

Yeh and that woman says to Larry Burns: "Larry, you must meet our daughter the debutant, she just came out last spring."

Larry Burns: "Woah, put her back in, she's not doen yet!"

Greatest show of all time.

by **LFC #1** » Tue May 09, 2006 2:05 am

The Ace1983 wrote:Homer: "Oh my God! It's my exact double! Oh my God! It's a dog with a puffy tail! Here puff puff..."

Homer!? Who is Homer? My name is Guy incognito!

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