2. Real fans go the game and every Everton fan is a season ticket holder who never misses a game.
3. Kopites are go.bshites. They all wear scarves and wave rattles. Kopites are quite thick and usually when they sit in the Kop, they ask the Norwegian sitting beside them what end are Liverpool are playing into.
4. Rafa Benitez is an extremely obese man. He is so fat he needs to stand up the whole time during matches because if he sat down, he'd break the bench. His assistant Paco is a rampant homosexual because he is skinny, has a bald head and wears an ear ring.
5. Rafa Benitez knows nothing about football. He was never a good footballer and he is nothing more than a fat gym manager that got lucky. He was very lucky in Spain, where he wont he Spanish Championship twice and the UEFA Cup.
6. Everton are the unluckiest team in the world. Liverpool are the flukiest.
7. When Rafa Beneathus and Stevie Gerrard lifted the European Cup in Istanbul in May 2005 they were secretly thinking that they'd happily swap that trophy for a 2-0 over Everton at Goodison. In the team hotel after the match Rafa Beneathus told the celebrating players not to get too carried away as they had only beaten AC Milan, it was not as if they were a top European side like Everton. Fat Rafa reminded the Liverpool players that the win was a facile victory as Everton were still the best team in Merseyside.
8. Liverpool shouldn't be playing in the Champions League this year. Rules are rules. If they manage to fluke the Cup again this year it won't count as they only finished 5th last season in the Premiership (and Everton finished above them remember). The only reason why they were allowed to enter the tournament is because UEFA is corrupt and Liverpool sold their soul to UEFA years ago.
9. UEFA hate Everton. The reason why UEFA hate Everton is because they fear them. UEFA fear that if Everton are given a foothold in the Champions League, Everton will dominate the competition. UEFA have always had it in for Everton. UEFA kept Everton out of the UEFA cup in the 1960s and 1970s because of their one club per city rule. Everton stood up to UEFA though, because Everton are a big club. You don't mess with Everton. Everton forced UEFA to allow the people's club into Europe. UEFA, Liverpool and the FA tried to swindle Everton out of their Champions League place last summer. However, Everton are a big club and their legions of fans stood up to the Axis of Evil and UEFA backed down, allowing Everton to play in this season's Champions League.
10. Everton played Champions League football this season. They distinguished themselves on the field but were conned out of a place in the group stages by Liverpool and UEFA.
11. It is a well known fact that Perliugi Collina was an agent acting on behalf of Liverpool and UEFA when he disallowed Everton's late goal via Villareal. This late goal would have meant that Everton would have progressed and not Villareal. It is most likely that Collina prevented Everton from winning the Champions League.
12. Phil Neville was a very astute signing. Phil is a far better player than his brother Gary and if Phil had stayed at Man UTD, he would have been a dark horse to replace Roy Keane as captain. Phil decided to leave Man UTD and join Everton as Everton are on the way up, while Man UTD are on the way down. In fact, Phil is not really related to Gary, who is a complete plonker. Phil's dad is actually Joe Royle.
13. Andy Van Der Meyde is a world class player. He was better than Arjen Robben when he was at Ajax. Everton signed him ahead of Arsenal, Spurs and Liverpool as Andy knew Everton are a bigger club.
14. The only reason why Kevin Kilbane is out of form lately is because David Moyes is playing him out of position.
15. Thomas Graveson was a much better player than Steven Gerrard. For that matter, Mikel Arteta is also a better player than Xabi Alonso. Arteta is more versatile and can beat a man. Arteta should be in the Spanish national team. Xabi Alonso only signed for Liverpool because he knew that his friend Arteta was going to be signing for Everton. Obviously Xabi would have preferred to sign for Everton but David Moyes wouldn't have him, as he is too much of a pretty boy, not like a "man's man" like Mikel Arteta.
16. Nigel Martyn is still the best keeper England have got.
17. James Beattie signed for Everton ahead of Liverpool. Fat Rafa was gutted when he lost out on Beattie. He had to settle for Fernando Morientes instead. Everybody knows Morientes is just a pretty boy obsessed with his hair, not like Beattie at all, who is a man's man.
18. Big Dunc is God. Dunc is the best striker of his generation, it was only his rotten luck with injury that saw him fail to achieve his full potential. Pound for pound, Dunc is a better player than Alan Shearer. Dunc knows how to sort out the opposition. The other side got a big 6 foot four centre half having his own way? Send on Big Dunc and he'll sort the geezer out with a few elbows and his legendary stare. Big Dunc is not a legend because he scores an impressive four goals a season from only 6 starts. Oh no, Dunc is far more than that. Dunc will flatten Sammi Hyppia with an elbow at Anfield under the Kop no less! Dunc kicks seven bells out of burgulars that break into his house. Dunc spent time in prison: only real men go to prison. Dunc gets sent off after 10 minutes after coming on as a sub against Bolton but it doesn't matter because he sorted that poof Diouff out. It you need a smart c.unt sorted, Duncs the man.
19. Vladimir Smicer once tried to tackle Big Dunc. Dunc just stared at the Czech poof and Smicer was sent flying into the stands, breaking a leg and ripping all the liagaments in his knees.
20. Sol Campbell wakes up with sweats in the middle of the night worrying about Big Dunc.
21. Roy Keane once tried to intimate Big Dunc. Big Dunc just stared at Keane and pointed at him. Keane apologised to Big Dunc and admitted that he was out of order. Keano might be Everton's next manager and if he does, he'll have Big Dunc as his assistant.
22. On September 11th, when the CIA found out that the planes were on their way to the Twin Towers, the White House put a call through to Everton. President Bush was in a tight spot and he knew there was nobody else better in the air than Big Dunc. Big Dunc agreed to help out but unfortunately the Americans couldn't fly him over fast enough to save the Twin Towers. However, a Big Dunc elbow knocked one of the terrorists' planes out of the sky in Pennsylvania, almost certainly saving George Bush's life.
23. Margaret Thatcher once said that World War Two would never have happened had Big Dunc been around. Churchill would simply have sent Big Dunc over to Berlin and Dunc would only have to stare and point at Hitler to win the war.
24. Big Dunc was technically the first British man in outer space. Once, in a game at Highbury, he climbed so high in outjumpring Tony Adams to a clearance that his hair entered the upper atmosphere of the earth.
25. Big Dunc does secret missions for the SAS in Iraq. He found Saddam and pulled him out of his hole. Big Dunc has a degree in law from Harvard and he will be the chief prosecutor in the trial of Saddam. Big Dunc will simply stare Saddam out of it and Saddam will confess all. Big Dunc is confident that he'll also have Saddam fess up to kidknapping the Lindburgh baby, sinking the Titanic and attacking Pearl Harbour at the trial.
26. When Big Dunc eventually hands up his boots (not anytime soon, as he has at least another 20 years left in him) he will dedicate his efforts to solving global warming. Big Dunc intends to stare and point at the atmosphere, and the ozone layer will sort itself out if it bloody knows whats best for it.
27. Big Dunc's house was not burguled by 2 burgulars. Oh no, thats just a nasty Kopite rumour. Big Dunc's house was assaulted by the Messina Division of the Republican Guard, probably acting on the orders of UEFA and Rick Parry. A few trademark stares and elbows to the solar plexis sorted those c.unts out though. The reason America found it so easy to invade Iraq was because half of the Republican Guard were tied down by Big Dunc in Big Dunc's back yard.
28. The Everton side of 1985 was the best English side ever. It was also the best team never to win the European Cup. However, Liverpool's murderous scarf waving Norwegian fans were responsible for stealing the European Cup from Everton when they ran amuck at Hysel.
29. If Everton gets relegated this season it will because of Hysel. However, Everton won't get relegated but instead have turned the corner and will easily qualify for next season's Champions League despite the burden of Hysel. Naturally, Rick Parry and Sepp Blatter will try to con Everton out of their rightful Champions League place but Everton are the people's club and will stand up to those murderous
. 30. The reason why Everton and Liverpool fans no longer have the banter and go to Wembly arm in arm is because Liverpool fans are bitter, twisted, murderous Norwegian
.31. David Moyes is a tactical genius and is arguably the best young manager in Europe. Sir Moysie is also a bit of a dish and his poster is draped across bedroom walls of teenage girls around the world. Not like that fat
, Rafa Beneathus.
No 20 and that last bit about gollum posters being on girls walls cracked me up though 
