The scenario - Despite never having won anything in your managerial career you somehow managed to bag the top job with your former club. The fans loved you & you had the full backing of the Board. Now play on ...
Q1 - The board made some transfer funds available but not as much as you would have liked. Did you ...?
a) Surprise everyone with your deep footballing knowledge by unearthing several cheap gems from the Portuguese U21 squad & pick up a couple of skilful Brazilian misfits on frees & by clever man management transform them into team players.
b) Blow the lot on two decent 1st team players to cover the major deficiencies in your team.
c) Scour Eastern Europe for 3rd rate economic migrants & rack up the clubs wage bill by recruiting geriatric has-beens.
Q2 - Your club's record signing - a proven international striker - has failed to gel with your team. Despite looking brilliant alongside his pacey & quick-witted partner when knocking your hated local rivals out of Europe he has failed to deliver when paired with the slow & clumsy strikeforce you currently possess. Did you ...?
a) Try him out alongside the pacey & quick-witted striker your director of football had just managed to sign.
b) Decide he'll never adapt to English football & sell him as soon as possible therefore recouping GBP4-5M you used to buy a striker you do rate.
c) Crush his morale by bringing him on as a substitute then subbing him again when not injured, then stick him in the stiffs until his market value has withered to nothing, before finally sending him to Turkey just as the club is pushing for a place in Europe.
Q3 - Your club had for several seasons, the worst injury problems in the premiership. Did you ...?
a) Get rid of some of the older & more injury prone members of the squad replacing them with players with good injury records & conduct a thorough review of the training & physiotherapy routines at the club to try to get to the root of the problem.
b) Sack the physios & bring in a couple of players as cover.
c) Buy more aged & injury prone players & use it as an excuse for the club's poor performances.
Q4 - Due to injury, your club had a shortage of strikers. Did you ...?
a) Pre-empt the problem by signing a replacement in the transfer window & giving some of your promising youngsters some 1st team experience as second-half substitutes.
b) Hang on to what you've got & hope to ride out the crisis.
c) Get rid of two of your experienced strikers & play a central defender in attack giving you a strikeforce that is slower than a council worker on Bank Holiday overtime. Buy an average Japanese stopper to play in the reserves. On no account give any of the youngsters a look-in.
Q5 - The season ended with a series of humiliating defeats. Team morale was at an all time low & the fans have thrown their season tickets on to the pitch in disgust. Did you ...?
a) Ritually disembowel yourself on the pitch at WHL draping your entrails over the four corner flags.
b) Maintain some vestiges of dignity by apologising to the fans & then departing to a job more suited to your talents like Iraqi Minister of Information.
c) Deny there is any problem. Blame the team's poor performances on bad refereeing, injuries, evil pixies or some such nonsense, and look forward to leading them to relegation next year.
How did you do?
Score 10 pts for a), 3 pts for b) & 0 pts for c).
40 - 50 pts - Pathetic. Your mismanagement & scapegoating abilities are way below that expected at the Lane. Píss off to Newcastle or Everton where you belong.
20 - 39 pts - Some promise, but you really need to work on your arrogance & disdain. Wearing blinkers & imagining your players covered in excrement might help.
3 - 19 pts - You're almost there! Just a bit more practice ... try telling a handicapped child that God is punishing them because they were Hitler in a former life.
0 pts - Congratulations! You ARE Glenn Hoddle!
new test to find out who cant manage?
post your totals
