Liverpool FC Forum

by **Paul C** » Wed Nov 23, 2005 5:21 pm

The Canadian Red Army wrote:paul if the raptors kept mcgrady and carter. We would of had an amazing team, now with bosh on PF.

Did you see the game against Miami the other day?

by **Paul C** » Wed Nov 23, 2005 5:22 pm

Garymac wrote:A guy goes to the gym and asks the trainer "can you teach me how to do the splits?"

And he goes "Yeah sure, 1st, how flexible are you?"

And the fella goes "Well i cant do Saturdays!!"

Thats just made me cry laughin :bowdown

by **The Canadian Red Army** » Wed Nov 23, 2005 5:35 pm

Paul C wrote:
The Canadian Red Army wrote:paul if the raptors kept mcgrady and carter. We would of had an amazing team, now with bosh on PF.

Did you see the game against Miami the other day?

yeh i was surprised as hell. WAHOOOO

I know we beat the heat. i gotta goto class, ill blurb you on basketball later.

by **Woollyback** » Wed Nov 23, 2005 5:47 pm

some absolute crackers there gents, keep 'em coming :laugh:

by **Judge** » Thu Nov 24, 2005 10:14 am

withdrawn joke

by **Judge** » Thu Nov 24, 2005 12:49 pm

when houllier and heskey blessed lfc with their presence

On a rare day off, Gerard Houllier was cleaning out his cellar when he came across an old vase. Thinking it was valuable he rubbed it to clean off the dust. To his surprise out popped a Genie who said, "Oh master, I grant you one wish."

Rather surprised, Houllier thought for a while before replying, "Hhmmm… I know! Since I like going to France to find young players I would like you to build a bridge from Liverpool to France since I don’t like flying and the trains are unreliable - this way I could drive."

"Oh no master," responded the Genie, "that is an impossible request, it would take the will of a thousand genies to grant you that wish - you must choose a task I can grant you."

Houllier mumbled under his breath for a bit before saying, "I have a player in my team who should score more goals, can you make Heskey into a 20 goals a season player?"

To which the Genie replied, "OK, what colour lights do you want on your bridge."

by **Judge** » Thu Nov 24, 2005 1:26 pm

A Liverpool fan, an Arsenal fan and a Man Utd. were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze. All of a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they were sentenced to death! However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment.
By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."
The Arsenal fan was first in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought about this for a while and then said: Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The Arsenal fan had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain when the punishment was done.
The Man Utd. fan was next up (he almost finished a half-can), and after watching the scene, said: "Choice! Please fix two pillows on my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again.
The Liverpool fan was the last one up (he had finished off the crate), but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of the world, your city has some of the best and most loyal football fans in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"
"Cheers mate, your Most Royal and Merciful highness", The Liverpool fan replies. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."
"Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave. "The Sheik says with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Sheik asks.
"Please tie the Man Utd. fan to my back."

by **Judge** » Thu Nov 24, 2005 1:30 pm

see above all other jokes, but here's beauty

A Liverpool and Man United fan collide in a huge accident on the motorway. Both cars are a wreck, but both men are unhurt.

"This must be a sign from God that we are meant to be friends" says the liverpool fan "I agree" replies the United fan

The liverpool fan then returns to the wreckage of his car, and finds a bottle of whiskey he had been saving.

"Look" he says to the united fan, "this must be another sign from God, we should drink this whiskey to celebrate our friendship and survival"

He hands the bottle over to the United fan who takes a large gulp from the bottle before passing it back to the liverpool fan, who then puts the top back on & returns the bottle to his car.

"Aren't you having any?" asks the United fan. "No" replied the liverpool fan, "I think I’ll wait til the Police get here."

by **The Canadian Red Army** » Thu Nov 24, 2005 5:05 pm

Judge wrote:A Liverpool fan, an Arsenal fan and a Man Utd. were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze. All of a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they were sentenced to death! However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment.
By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."
The Arsenal fan was first in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought about this for a while and then said: Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The Arsenal fan had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain when the punishment was done.
The Man Utd. fan was next up (he almost finished a half-can), and after watching the scene, said: "Choice! Please fix two pillows on my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again.
The Liverpool fan was the last one up (he had finished off the crate), but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of the world, your city has some of the best and most loyal football fans in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"
"Cheers mate, your Most Royal and Merciful highness", The Liverpool fan replies. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."
"Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave. "The Sheik says with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Sheik asks.
"Please tie the Man Utd. fan to my back."

haha judge that was a good one

by **dawson99** » Thu Nov 24, 2005 9:22 pm

Garymac wrote:A guy goes to the gym and asks the trainer "can you teach me how to do the splits?"

And he goes "Yeah sure, 1st, how flexible are you?"

And the fella goes "Well i cant do Saturdays!!"

genius

by **adamnbarrett** » Thu Nov 24, 2005 11:13 pm

what's brown and sticky?

A stick

weak i know but its late

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