Liverpool FC Forum

by **dawson99** » Fri Oct 14, 2005 3:04 pm

> > The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make is taking a stroll down his local high street.
> >
> > As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye.
> >
> > "Just Released -New LP -Wasps of the World and the sounds that they make - available now"
> >
> > Unable to resist the temptation, the man goes into the shop.
> >
> > "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window."
> >
> > "Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like to step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you."
> >
> > The world expert on European wasps goes into the booth and puts on the earphones.
> >
> > Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognised none of those."
> >
> > "I'm sorry Sir", says the young assistant.
> >
> > "If you'd care to step into the booth, I can let you have another 10 minutes."
> >
> > The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones.>
> >
> > Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head.
> >
> > "I don't understand it", he says,
> >
> > "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognise any of those!"
> >
> > "I'm terribly sorry, Sir" says the young man, "perhaps if you'd like to step into the booth again, you could have 5 more minutes."
> >
> > Sighing, the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth.
> >
> > Five minutes later, he comes out again, clearly agitated.
> >
> > "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I have recognised none of the wasps on this LP."
> >
> >
> > "I really am terribly sorry", says the young assistant ........
> >

wait for it

you#ll love this

its class

hehe

> >
> > "I've just realised I was playing you the bee side."

by **red37** » Fri Oct 14, 2005 3:06 pm

you daft sod!!

love it!

by **LFC #1** » Fri Oct 14, 2005 3:07 pm

typical dawson. Absolutely woeful

by **dawson99** » Fri Oct 14, 2005 3:09 pm

im not here often, but when i am, its nons top fun... one more before i go:

ittle Donna was in the back yard filling in a hole when her neighbour
>peered over the fence. Interested in what the rosy-faced youngster was
>doing, he asked, "What are you doing there, Donna?"
>
>"My goldfish died," replied little Donna tearfully, without looking up,
>"and I've just buried him."
>
>The neighbour laughed and said condescendingly, "that's a really big hole
>for a goldfish, isn't it?"
>
>Little Donna patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "that's
>because he's inside your f*cking cat."

by **Ola Mr Benitez** » Fri Oct 14, 2005 3:13 pm

I like this one...

Just before a pre season friendly between Everton and Real Madrid,
Ronaldo goes into the Madrid changing room to find all his teammates
looking a bit glum. "What's up?" he asks. "Well, we're having trouble
getting motivated for this game. We know it's important for the fans but
it's only Everton. They're rubbish and we can't be bothered". Ronaldo
looks at them and says "Well, I reckon I can beat these by myself, you
lads go down the pub." So Ronaldo goes out to play Everton by himself
and the rest of the Madrid team go off for a few jars. After a few
pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put
the teletext on. A big cheer goes up as the screen reads "Madrid 1 -
Everton 0 (Ronaldo 10minutes)". He is beating Everton all by himself!
Anyway, a few more pints later and the game is forgotten until someone
remembers "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on". They put
the teletext on. "Result is - "Real Madrid 1 (Ronaldo 10 minutes) -
Everton 1 (Cahill 89 minutes)". They can't believe it, he has single
handedly got a draw against Everton!! They rush back to the Stadium to
congratulate him. They find him in the dressing room, still in his kit,
sat with his head in his hands. He refuses to look at them. "I've let
you down, I've let you down." "Don't be daft, you got a draw against
Everton all by yourself. And they only scored at the very, very end!"
"No, No, I have, I've let you down... I got sent off after 12 minutes"

by **babu** » Fri Oct 14, 2005 3:15 pm

gold

by **andy_g** » Fri Oct 14, 2005 3:40 pm

dawsonio you've brightened up my day yet again :laugh:

by **wrighty (not mark!)** » Fri Oct 14, 2005 3:52 pm

OMG MATE, THAT RONALDO ONE WAS QUALITY!

by **dward** » Fri Oct 14, 2005 4:19 pm

brilliant....both!!

by **woof woof !** » Sat Oct 15, 2005 1:43 pm

Two hillbillies get married , on the wedding night the groom discovers that his bride is STILL a virgin .He immediately tells her to pack her bags and the following day institutes divorce proceedings telling his lawyer "If she's not good enough for her family she certainly ain't good enough for me "

by **RUSHIE#9** » Sat Oct 15, 2005 3:01 pm

These are quality jokes; it's a shame the writers of 2 pint of lager & packet of crisps didn't come here for some jokes, they might have made a funny show instead of that c-rap taht they did.

by **Woollyback** » Sun Oct 16, 2005 11:33 pm

guys you'll never guess who i bumped into in specsavers the other day....

EVERYONE! i couldn't see a f*ckin thing

by **Ola Mr Benitez** » Wed Oct 19, 2005 10:28 pm

Woollyback wrote:guys you'll never guess who i bumped into in specsavers the other day....

EVERYONE! i couldn't see a f*ckin thing

LOL.... shockingly bad.....

love it

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