Liverpool FC Forum

by **ROBtheRED** » Tue Jul 05, 2005 6:45 pm

The Official Man Utd Maths Workbook, which covers sums for practising Key
Stage Two maths for 7-11 year olds. This has been introduced as part of
the Government's maths campaign.

1. ACCELERATION. Roy is 78 yards away from the referee at Old Trafford
and Gary is 65 yards away. If Roy can run at 21 mph and Gary can run at
16 mph, who will be sticking their vein-bulging forehead into the hapless
whistler's face first, assuming Roy does not stop to stamp on an opponent
on his way.

2. TELLING THE TIME. If one minute of time is taken up in a game for
substitutions and one minute for injuries, how much injury time the
referee will add on if Man Utd are losing at home?

3. PROBABILITY (1). Ryan Giggs is a Welshman. Express, as a percentage,
the number of internationals he has missed on a Wednesday evening compared to
the miraculous recoveries he made for the following Saturday.

4. SUBTRACTION (1). Manchester United are one of the giants of world club
football. How many more European Cup Finals have they appeared in than
Steau Bucharest? (For one extra mark; How many more than Reims?)

5. SUBTRACTION (2). How many more times have Man Utd won the European Cup
than Nottingham Forest?

6. DISTANCE. You are the referee at Old Trafford. How near to a visiting
defender does a tumbling Ruud van Nistelrooy have to be to earn a penalty
if he goes down in the box? (Note: Round your answers down to the nearest
20 yards.)

7. PROBABILITY (2). Express the statistical probability of visitors to
Old Trafford being awarded a penalty. Compare this with the probability
of opponents of Man Utd being awarded a penalty home or away, and then
discuss if a penalty awarded to Man Utd would be awarded to their
opponents in identical circumstances.

8. BASIC ACCOUNTING (1). Mark The Red lives in Guildford. How much does it
cost for him and his two sons to travel to the Theatre of Silence
every other weekend, including limited edition matchday programme, a few
drinks and a prawn sandwich all round? How much could he save per week if
he watched his local team instead? (Note; round your answers down to the
nearest thousand pounds.)

9. BASIC ACCOUNTING (2). Alex had a hotel room booked in Cardiff for the
FA Cup Final. How much money did he lose when cancelling his reservation?

10. WEIGHT AND PRESSURE. Ruud is 6ft tall and very strong and fast. How
much pressure need be applied to make him tumble over in the opponent's
penalty area? (Note; Answers must be in lbs per square inch. However,
answers such as However much pressure is applied by Ferguson to referees
are accepted.)

11. MONEY. Juan was a lazy boy and often went missing. Alex was very
cross and wanted to sell him. If Juan cost £28m to buy, how much do you
think Alex sold him for? How many pennies did Alex lose?

12. POULTRY FARMING. What is the total number of chickens counted before
they were hatched by Man Utd and their fans who thought Wolves were
pushover?

13. ABSOLUTELY NO APOLOGIES TO UTD FANS, WHICHEVER PART OF DORSET, KENT,
LONDON, NORFOLK ETC YOU COME FROM!

Four football fans were climbing a mountain one day. Each was a fan of a different team in the premiership and each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans of their football team. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way up the mountain, and finally as they reached the top. The Arsenal fan hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Gooners!" as he fell to his doom. Not wanting to be out done, the Newcastle fan threw himself off the mountain, proclaiming "This is for the Magpies!" Seeing this, the Manchester city fan walked over and shouted "This is for the true Mancs and everyone!" and pushed the Man United fan off the side of the mountain.

TIP FOR MAN UNITED FANS
Don't waste money on expensive new kits each season, simply strap a large inflatable penis to your forehead, and everyone will immediately know which team you support!

by **DrLiverpool** » Tue Jul 05, 2005 10:27 pm

What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict and car thief, what would you be then?"

"Then," Mary smiled, "I'd be a Man Utd fan."

Liverpool FC Forum

Class manc joke - Worth a look!

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