ARSENAL - Angelina Jolie
Looks good, a bit maverick at times and you know they have the potential to really screw you over
ASTON VILLA - Dido
One big hit. Fairly inoffensive really
BIRMINGHAM CITY - Mariah Carey
Occasionally interesting, frequently annoying. Supporters are thick
BLACKBURN ROVERS - Melanie Sykes
Common as muck Lancy, constantly worrying.
BOLTON WANDERERS - Natalie Imbruglia
Always looks like she might go down but never does
CHARLTON ATHLETIC - Martine McCutcheon
Chirpy Cockney with the ability to spring a few surprises
CHELSEA - Rachel Stevens
Every bit looks good from all angles. But what is she doing with that pr#ck?
EVERTON - Barbara Windsor
Been laughing at those t*ts so long we forget that once upon a time they actually looked quite good
FULHAM - Andrea Corr
Not bad to look at but not much of her. Seems a bit awestruck with fame
LEICESTER CITY - Patsy Palmer
Generally a bit ****** and second rate really, but some people like her
LEEDS UNITED - Lisa Scott Lee
Dirty Lee
LIVERPOOL - Sophie Ellis Bextor
Individually all the components look fantastic - just doesn't work when put together.
MAN CITY - Madonna
Have been big at times - now lost the plot a bit - ageing stars. Nice new home though
MAN UNITED - Jordan
Dominated by t*ts. Screwed by Dwight Yorke. Quite repulsive
really
MIDDLESBROUGH - Tara Palmer Tompkinson
Can look quite good at the back - but nothing at all up front to speak of.
NEWCASTLE UNITED - Christina Aguillera
Can look good. Various unsavoury elements though.
PORTSMOUTH - Chrissie Hynde
On the face of it a has-been but you're quite interested in what she's going to do next
SOUTHAMPTON - Kylie Minogue
Sometimes you feel sorry for them, they’re not huge and you've got a bit of a soft spot.
TOTTENHAM - Joan Collins
Used to look good, but living on past glories.
Additional one more...
WEST HAM - Britney Spears
Been threatening to go down for the last few years, but finally did it this year.
