Liverpool FC Forum

by **Roger Red Hat** » Fri Oct 15, 2004 2:43 pm

I HAVE recently started to masturbate whilst fantasising about Jeanette Krankie. My problem is that I cannot work out whether I am gay, straight or a paedophile. What do your readers think?
J Smith, Suffolk

COULD the Home Secretary explain to me how biometric checks on iris patterns and fingerprints are going to help keep tabs on muslim cleric Abu Hamsa.
Les Barnsley, Barnsley

'ONE pound a week will supply water for an entire village in Tanzania', says Oxfam. So how come United Utilities charge me twenty pounds a month for my three bedroom semi? The fleecing ******.
Tracey Cusick, Cumbria

HOW come rap artist Dr. Dre can use the 'N' word on his multi-million selling albums and win a MOBO award, yet when I used it at my son's football match I was asked to leave the park? Once again, it's one law for the rich and another for the poor.
Reg Ashcroft, Bradford

So HMV consider Andy Williams and Dean Martin to be "easy listening" do they? Try telling that to my mate Andy. He's been deaf for 20 years.
Tim

They say "you can't judge a book by its cover". What nonsense. The last edition of High School Anal that I bought featured a young lady stuffing a big one up her bomb-bay on the front page, and this turned out to be an excellent indication of the contents.
Mark Roberts

IT'S uncanny how some of these old sayings are true. 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder', said my wife as she waved goodbye to me on the way to spend a month with her mother. Since then I have grown quite fond of my next door neighbour. I actually gave her one on the living room carpet this morning.
Christopher Hampshire, Bristol

I AM becoming sick and tired with the media's politically correct obsession with gay sex. It's getting so that I can't turn on the Fantasy Channel without seeing two naked homosexual women indulging in these sordid practices. I'm thinking of cancelling my subscription.
T Cutt, Surrey

The recent suicide of Harold Shipman has thrown up some interesting questions. For a start, does Shipman killing himself take his official tally up to 216, or does it count as an own goal? Where does this final score place our national champ in the world league table?
Magnus, Sheffield

I was shocked to hear Home Secretary David Blunkett say that Britain's prison population has been ballooning for the past ten years. My God, has the world gone mad? Those people are there to be punished, not to be given 'thrill of a lifetime' experiences that most law abiding citizens can only dream of.
Mrs Close, Headingley

I drank three litres of white cider, a bottle of red wine and then a couple of cans on Friday night. Despite this, I had the shittest Saturday of my life. Can any of your readers explain why, because I am at a loss.
Patrick Bateman, e-mail

Never mind ventriloquists like Keith Harris and Roger DeCourcey. What about Professor Stephen Hawking? I saw him on telly blathering on about galaxies for hours and I never saw his lips move once. Genius.
Mike Woods, e-mail

With reference to that series "Manhunt" where ex-Special Forces soldiers try to hunt down Andy McNab. Why don't the producers include a couple of Iraqis in the hunting team? They found the t**t quickly enough the last time he played hide and seek with them.
Shuggie, Email

It's all very well Meg Ryan getting her kit off for her new film, but why wasn't she doing it twenty years ago before her puppies hit the pan?
Alan Pick, Kingston-upon-Toast

I would like to thank Darren of Chelsea for not coming to Australia with Jenny. She is a great ******. Thanks again.
Baz, Bondi

by **Leonmc0708** » Fri Oct 15, 2004 2:46 pm

diasomowaipmsl.

by **Roger Red Hat** » Fri Oct 15, 2004 2:59 pm

hey Leon, what does that stand for??

by **dawson99** » Fri Oct 15, 2004 3:05 pm

i got the pmsl bit, different class tho leej!

by **Dom1** » Sat Oct 16, 2004 1:03 am

err

i think yes what about you?

by **LFC #1** » Sat Oct 16, 2004 2:40 am

dead funny Leej.

by **Leonmc0708** » Sat Oct 16, 2004 2:35 pm

Lee J wrote:hey Leon, what does that stand for??

Died In A sea of my own P1ss as i p1ssed myself laughing

by **Dom1** » Sat Oct 16, 2004 6:56 pm

isnt abbreviating great, i hate it

by **Oval Shaped Protein** » Sat Oct 16, 2004 8:44 pm

Haha very funny indeed

by **Leonmc0708** » Sat Oct 16, 2004 8:54 pm

Oval Shaped Protein wrote:Haha very funny indeed

Quality first post, strange name, welcome to the forum.

by **Dom1** » Sun Oct 17, 2004 1:16 am

Oval Shaped Protein wrote:Haha very funny indeed

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