by RedSi35 » Mon Jun 20, 2011 9:57 pm
I went to a Thai restaurant in Kingston once, and ordered something or other off the menu that was pretty spicy. The waiter (Think the shouting nasty man in the Russian Roulette scene of the Deer Hunter) asked if I wanted the chef to cook me a 'special' curry - Which was a bit hotter than usual.
Dildo Alert!
You can't look like a pansy can you? Anyway, this steamy bowl of cow turd turned up and it was jam packed with what I now know to be depleted Uranium shards, vitriol and broken glass; I thought the best plan would be to try and get it down quickly, so it didn't touch the sides if you like. Such a basic error, initially my mouth only felt like someone had hit me with a baseball bat for a couple of minutes, but after ten minutes, and beginning to feel a bit heady, I might as well have fallen into a swimming pool with my suit on, my jacket and trousers were soaked my head was throbbing, and the evil waiter was collecting his winnings from some other cigarette smoking Thai with gold teeth and a revolver.
I should have listened to De Niro when he told me to put the fork down.
The moral of this story is, if it hurts, probably don't do it. I still like it spicy matron, but that was too Man Vs Food for my liking. Even 20 odd years on I can recall the strange out of body searing internal agony.