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by **fivecups** » Tue Jul 20, 2010 11:07 pm

Hamish McTavish, aged 93 took his wife Ailsa to Loch Shiel were they got engaged - to celebrate their 65th wedding anniversary.

They walked slowly through the fields of Scotland until they came to a particular spot, near the Loch, where there ran a fence dividing the fields.

'This is it Ailsa' Hamish says

'It is aye Hamish' says Ailsa, 'The spot ye proposed to me all those years ago'

'Do ye remember what we did that day Ailsa?' says Hamish

'I do aye Hamish' says Ailsa with a glint in her eye. 'What do ye think Hamish, should we gee it a go?' she said

'Why not Ailsa, for aul time's sake'

Hamish drops his walking stick and Ailsa get up against the fence and hitches up her skirt.

Hamish grabs hold of her and they go at it.

'Haul on a min 'ere' say Hamish 'What the f'uck is goin on?'

Ailsa's goin mad - givin' it loads - buckin and gyrating like a wild animal....

'What the f'uck Ailsa?' Hamish says, but Ailsa's too busy riding away like a woman possessed.....

Finally Hamish drags Ailsa off him, stunned and worn out.

'What came over ye love?' he says, 'It wasnae as good as that 65 years ago when we first did it??'

'Aye Hamish - and 65 years ago that fence wasnae electrified!'

by **Emerald Red** » Tue Jul 20, 2010 11:09 pm

Doesn't Scotland translate to "Irish land" almost literally?

by **dawson99** » Tue Jul 20, 2010 11:22 pm

Emerald Red wrote:Doesn't Scotland translate to "Irish land" almost literally?

yeah some irish invaded western scotland and the whole place got called Scotland

by **tubby** » Tue Jul 20, 2010 11:31 pm

Welcome back dawsonater

by **dawson99** » Tue Jul 20, 2010 11:37 pm

cheers Bavman

by **Kharhaz** » Wed Jul 21, 2010 1:44 am

What do scotsmen do with their old condoms?
They keep rooting with them.

Jock McPerv was so mean he used to reverse charge his obscene telephone calls.

A scottish gentleman is one who gets out of the bath to p!ss in the sink.

The scots love being constipated. They hate to part with anything !

by **babu** » Wed Jul 21, 2010 2:45 am

hhmmm I love scottish chicks.... as least i did before I got married

by **The Good Yank** » Wed Jul 21, 2010 8:11 am

A guy is out on the golf course with his trophy bride and he hits his tee shot into the woods. He looks around and standing over his ball is a large black man wearing tights and a cumberbun. He says"I am a Genie and I will grant you three wishes if you let me have sex with your wife."

The man goes and tells his wife this and they agree.

The Genie appears from the woods some time later with the wife looking worn out but thoroughly satisfied.

The Genie then punches the man in the face.

"What was that for?" asks the man

"That is for believing in Genies" Says the black man.

by **Judge** » Fri Jul 23, 2010 9:59 am

dawson99 wrote:To Judge who says Scotland sucks...

Also, went to Rossalyn chapel, saw Edingburgh Dungeon which did actually make me jump, and heard about Danny Wilson ages ago lol

Im quitting drinking now.. sincerely, until at least Friday

dawson i was born in scotland

by **In and Out** » Fri Jul 23, 2010 11:53 am

The scots love being constipated. They hate to part with anything !

by **Judge** » Fri Jul 23, 2010 12:17 pm

does anyone know how the grand canyon was formed??

scotch man dropped a shilling down a rabbit hole

by **In and Out** » Fri Jul 23, 2010 12:21 pm

by **dawson99** » Fri Jul 23, 2010 1:33 pm

ok, this is all racism, i want everyone who was mean to Scots carded... especially the northerners

by **aCe'** » Fri Jul 23, 2010 1:53 pm

racism ? what are you on about...

An Englishman, an Irishman, a Welshman and a Scot are captured by the Iraqis.The Iraq troop leader says, "we"re going to shoot you, but we will give you one last request."He says to the Welshman, "what"s your last request?"The Welshman says, "I want a thousand Welshman singing "Land of my Fathers".""Okay, you"ve got it. What about you?" he says to the Scotsman."I want a thousand Scots pipers piping Scotland the brave," says the Scot."You"ve got it" says the Iraqi. "What"s your last request?" he says to the Irishman."I want a thousand Irishman doing the Riverdance" says Paddy."It"s yours" says the Iraqi. Turning to the Englishman, he says, "and your last request?"The Englishman says, "fcking shoot me first".

by **dawson99** » Fri Jul 23, 2010 1:54 pm

Obvious racism

nah, was being ironical dude

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