From: Dwight P Cornhole III
To: Montgomery Q Transfat Esquire
Subject: That goddamn Spanish coach guy
Montgomery,
I got no more good feeling toward you than our hometown chapter of the NRA done did have for President Osama when he announced his Communist healthcare schemes, but we all gotta work together on this Monsieur Benitez thing. We need shot of that guy like yesterday: there ain't room for more'n two clowns in any one rodeo, and this guy's hogging all the greasepaint and shiny pants.
I've offered him three million in Brit money to take a hike. I said to him: three million now, or cool his heels for two weeks and get 16 million. Boom. That's how we play hardball, Texas style, you pasta-eating surrender monkey. He just starts laughing in that queer high-pitched way the Krauts have and talking about facts and net spends.
I tell't him right to his face there and then. I got one word to say to you. Just one word. He says: "Plastics?" I say not plastics you goddamn asshat. The word I'm gonna say to you is "inflation". So you go away and think about it and see how you like that three million Britpounds in a week's time when it ain't worth more'n a Georgia gal's cherry when the fleet's in town.
I tell you Montgomery old pal, when the whole European Economic Area has collapsed into the goddamn Pacific and Senora Benitez is getting it up the keister from some penniless Greek shipping tycoon at Real Inter Madrid or whatever the hell they call it, he'll be damn sorry. And as sure as
we ain't bailin' them Eurofags out this time, not after the Marshall Plan and our very generous debt-leveraged takeover of their soccerball franchises.When he finally goes, we're gonna need us a new head coach. I've done the numbers and it don't look too bad. Way I see it, our options of what we (i.e. the overdraft!) can afford are these:
1) Cousin Freddie, if we can persuade him to come down off the goat farm.
2) Nobody.
3) Some fat guy name of Sammy Lee that they keep in a Boot Room, whatever in the hell that is. Good Southern family name, and he most likely already got his own cowboy boots, but all in all I'm reckoning option 2) is the way to go.
We gotta put this behind us and move on, Montgomery, and get back to where we was. I had a dream. I had a dream for this football club that one day I would pound it harder than Uncle Cleetus done that college boy when he caught him looking at his pick-up truck funny, and then walk on out with a great big ole chunk of someone else's change. And that
Benitez has stolen my dream, Monty. He's stolen my goddamn dream. Taken from Football365.com
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