Liverpool FC Forum

[woof woof !]

Make a tit of yourself in a Thai gogo bar

Did you wai your favourite Thai gogo dancer, finger her t'wat or take to the chromium pole yourself? Congratulations, you've just made a tit of yourself in a Thai gogo bar. Whether you are a Bangkok first-timer or a seasoned regular bewitched by the beer fairy, here are a few tips and tricks to get you noticed.

For Thais, the prayer-like gesture known as a wai is not so much a greeting as a gesture of respect reserved for their boss or perhaps a monk. Get your evening off to a flying start by giving a cringe-making wai to every gogo dancer. Break down Thailand's rigid class barriers with your sincere display of friendship and equality - the sort of equality where you get to f'uck them up the a'rse later.

If you are a Patpong tourist, don't forget to bring your wife along too. The disapproving glare of an old trout with the missionary smile frozen on her face is exactly what every Thai gogo bar needs. Act like a giggling buffoon with the girls but ignore her completely. As she leads you out, hang back for as long as you can to say goodbye.

In the toilets you will see a notice offering a 49% stake in the bar. Your life savings seem like a small price to pay for entry into the ranks of Bangkok's seedy elite. In a few weeks time you will be riding around in a pink Cadillac with a stable of Thai bitches sucking your c'ock. That's what the other 20 guys who bought a 49% share thought too.

When a pushy girl demands a lady-drink in the same breath as "what your name where you come from" you naturally agree. It wouldn't cross your mind to tell the annoying bitch to sod off. Then you buy drinks for all her friends and the friends of her friends too. Within seconds, your wallet is empty. With a chorus of "I go dance" they scatter, leaving dozens of untouched glasses littering your table.

Most girls will happily wriggle on a guy's knee for a couple of drinks. It would be rude not to touch. Good boys might get a feel of her knockers too. However, she will probably draw the line at a gynaecological examination. You think that the cheeky minx is just paying hard to get. Hold her down. See how many fingers you can get in.

When she is doing her floor show, shove your beer bottle under her crotch as she does the splits. As her mates carry her off, get up and perform an obscene show of your own. The sight of your flabby white a'rse might not impress onlookers but it could catch the attention of your fellow inmates in the police cell. Tonight you will get f'ucked for free.

Even if you had pulled her, you'd have thought that the barfine was payment in full. It would've taken an ugly scene played out over breakfast to set the record straight.

On your way out, reach up and pull the handle of that big bell. Have another go. Cheers mate, the drinks are on you.

[mistyred]

F'ck going on holiday with you Woof

[66-1120597113]

F'ck going on holiday with you Woof

It would take 6 months to get there anyway!!
Dogs need quarantined!  

[woof woof !]

Misty ,it's me an you kid 

Barry , you're on yer own   

Bringing Pets to Thailand

Before considering bringing pets to Thailand be aware that rabies is prevalent in Thailand. If you intend to bring a pet, you must have it vaccinated against rabies prior to departure.

An entry permit for animals arriving in Thailand by air can be obtained at the airport on arrival. Bring your pets as excess baggage on the same flight as yourself.   

[112-1077774096]

Make a tit of yourself in a Thai gogo bar

Did you wai your favourite Thai gogo dancer, finger her t'wat or take to the chromium pole yourself? Congratulations, you've just made a tit of yourself in a Thai gogo bar. Whether you are a Bangkok first-timer or a seasoned regular bewitched by the beer fairy, here are a few tips and tricks to get you noticed.

For Thais, the prayer-like gesture known as a wai is not so much a greeting as a gesture of respect reserved for their boss or perhaps a monk. Get your evening off to a flying start by giving a cringe-making wai to every gogo dancer. Break down Thailand's rigid class barriers with your sincere display of friendship and equality - the sort of equality where you get to f'uck them up the a'rse later.

If you are a Patpong tourist, don't forget to bring your wife along too. The disapproving glare of an old trout with the missionary smile frozen on her face is exactly what every Thai gogo bar needs. Act like a giggling buffoon with the girls but ignore her completely. As she leads you out, hang back for as long as you can to say goodbye.

In the toilets you will see a notice offering a 49% stake in the bar. Your life savings seem like a small price to pay for entry into the ranks of Bangkok's seedy elite. In a few weeks time you will be riding around in a pink Cadillac with a stable of Thai bitches sucking your c'ock. That's what the other 20 guys who bought a 49% share thought too.

When a pushy girl demands a lady-drink in the same breath as "what your name where you come from" you naturally agree. It wouldn't cross your mind to tell the annoying bitch to sod off. Then you buy drinks for all her friends and the friends of her friends too. Within seconds, your wallet is empty. With a chorus of "I go dance" they scatter, leaving dozens of untouched glasses littering your table.

Most girls will happily wriggle on a guy's knee for a couple of drinks. It would be rude not to touch. Good boys might get a feel of her knockers too. However, she will probably draw the line at a gynaecological examination. You think that the cheeky minx is just paying hard to get. Hold her down. See how many fingers you can get in.

When she is doing her floor show, shove your beer bottle under her crotch as she does the splits. As her mates carry her off, get up and perform an obscene show of your own. The sight of your flabby white a'rse might not impress onlookers but it could catch the attention of your fellow inmates in the police cell. Tonight you will get f'ucked for free.

Even if you had pulled her, you'd have thought that the barfine was payment in full. It would've taken an ugly scene played out over breakfast to set the record straight.

On your way out, reach up and pull the handle of that big bell. Have another go. Cheers mate, the drinks are on you.

  so true mate


im off now to try and get my 49% back   

[woof woof !]

ESPECIALLY FOR PEEWEE

Is your Thai sweetheart really a ladyboy truck driver with a huge c'ock? 
(I know he understands)

For those who don't want to get more than they bargained for, I've cobbled together a biological check-list below. Mistakes happen more frequently than people let on. Would you brag about it?

Recently, a mate of mine woke up in a strange bed alongside a creature whose smeared make-up couldn't hide a day's growth. Looking down, he noticed that his own body was covered in cuts and bruises. Though unable to bring the events of the previous night into sharp focus, he knew that he had to get the hell out of there. Fortunately, no sexual contact had taken place. They were at her place rather than his, so he was able to sneak out and leave the whole sorry mess behind. That's his story anyway.

You can easily be lulled into a false sense of security. Many katoeys (Lady Boys)

are giants and they wear heels too. I used to wonder why only Thailand's tallest men wore dresses, but now I realise that my basic premise was wrong. You only see the tall ones because they are so easy to spot. It's the little fellas you have to watch out for, but how do you spot them?

Big hands are a good place to start, but you're never going to see anyone sporting a bunch of bananas. Thai fellas are a delicate lot. The trick is to compare the length of the fourth and second fingers. Your typical bloke has a ring finger conspicuously longer than his index finger. Women's should be roughly equal in length.

A similar relationship exists between shoulders and hips. Men's shoulders are typically broader than their hips. Women's shoulders and hips should be roughly the same width. When walking, a wider pelvis causes women sway more than men. This wiggle is particularly noticeable when they climb stairs. If you see your date making an unusually direct ascent to your apartment, the opportunity to flee may already have passed.

Men may be the hairy sex, but many Thai guys seem to have missed out on nature's bounty. Nevertheless, a quick scan of your date's forearms, hands and knuckles may be helpful - particularly if signs of removal are present. This could be done by engaging her in the popular bar game of slaps. If you don't spot any physical evidence, she may still give herself away by bringing you down with a powerful right hook.

The bump in a man's throat (his Adam's apple) is the give-away that most people know about. Katoeys know too. That's why they pay a surgeon to remove it.

Don't expect a tell-tale bulge either. There is one big reason why Thailand produces only female pornstars - or, to put it more accurately, a rather small reason. A strip of Sellotape is all our chap needs to look good in bikini bottoms. He'd better not go in the sea though.

Some katoeys have voices so deep they could stand in for Barry White. With others it's hard to tell. I did once date a Thai girl who had a rather deep voice. She was definitely female, but I did have a moment of doubt when she said "Awright geezer, you got the Gunners score?" in perfect mimicry of the late Arthur Mullard.

Without resorting to gynacology, no single test is 100% conclusive. However, if your date fails three or more of them, you may need to plan an exit strategy. Sometimes your own actions can put you at greater risk. Beer is the katoey's best friend. Even if you don't want to shake them off, applying the tests might allow you to modify your plans for the evening.

So what kind of man would knowingly a tranny? They are reportedly amongst the wealthiest sex-workers in Thailand, so someone must be doing it. I had assumed it was closet gays but, when I asked, the explanation turned out to be more complicated. Many straight but jaded career sex-pats become tired of sweet shy girls who hide behind towels and only let you get it in half-way. Out of sheer frustration, they choose to explore the ways of the katoey. Apparently, they are good in the sack because they know better how to please a man. So there you have it.

Teasing your mates about ladyboys is fine, but it would be unwise to rant. Your boss could be packing some man-fudge right now. Come to think of it, the slapper my neighbour chucked out this morning definitely had footballer's legs l

What d'yer reckon PeeWee ?

[mistyred]

So there really is something about Miriam Woof and just to think all those lovely f'ckable thai birds might be blokes , just plain Nasty

[Woollyback]

woof maybe you can explain where this freak of nature came from...     

eeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwww

[112-1077774096]

woof sometimes it is hard to tell, most of the time i can tell straight away as living here gives me the experience to spot them, however sometimes i am fooled (not into having sex with them i might add).

some white guys come here and are just intrigued and like to have a go, maybe its because ladyboys just really look like very filthy naughty women.


in the words of Hill Street Blues, "lets be careful out there"

[laza]

LOL
Just booked my holiday for Thailand today for June, i dont remember seeing any of this in the tourist brochures 

[TheoRacle]

So you were undecided on where to go until you read Woof's post then Laza?

[laza]

Purely co-incidental mate
Thats my story and im sticking to it

[112-1077774096]

meet me when you are here laza, i promise i wont get you drunk and trick you into taking a ladyboy.

no seriously, i promise you, just trust me       

[laza]

Fortunately Peewee, im heading to the island of Phuket so i wont be involved in any Peewee Hilton crying games sex video scandals 

[112-1077774096]

laza mate, you have to spend at least one night in bangkok.

anyway i just had an email of my mate in england, he was here a few weeks ago and in the new issue of maxim there is an article about nana plaza and soi cowboy, including an interview with the dwarf woman in nana, she is quality and always makes me laugh. i mentioned her before in another thread