Liverpool FC Forum

[82-1074641017]

As some of you may know I work in a Call Centre and from day to day I have to put up with some right d1ckheads who cant find their @rses with both hands   

Heres a conversation I had the other day:

Cust: Id like to place a order

Me: Certainly, no problem may I take your surname please?

Cust: Are you there?

Me: Yes Im here

Cust: Is this a Call Centre?

Me: Yes it is.

Cust: Is this a foreign Call Centre?

Me: No this is Liverpool you are through to.

Cust: So its a foreign Call Centre, this isnt India is it?

Me(nearly banging my head against my desk): Can I just take your surname please?

Cust: A CME? Whats a CME hes asking for a CME george whats one of them?

Me(losing patience): Your Surname? The name that comes after your first name?

Cust: Whats a CME?

Me: THERE IS NO CME!!! WHAT IS YOUR SURNAME??? YOU KNOW SECOND NAME??

Cust: My names Mary

Me: Mary WHAT?

Cust: Barker

Me: Thanks, and your postcode please Mary?

Cust: What?

Me: YOUR POSTAL CODE!!

Cust: We dont have one we live in London.

Me: All of the UK have a postcode, check your mail it will be on there

Cust: Is this India?

Me: Dont worry Ive given up!(puts the phone down)

[RUSHIE#9]

It's a fact of life matey that whatever job you work in that you have to deal with customers you're gonna get some right dickheads. Take me for example i'm an assisstant supervisor in the post and parcel despatch department on a big business park in my home town and the other day i answered the phone and it went a bit like this:

ME: HELLO MAILROOM

CUST: ER, IS THAT THE POSTROOM

ME:      ..... YES

CUST: I'VE GOT A PACKAGE I NEED DESPATCHING; CAN YOU HELP ME?

ME:    ... YES!!

CUST: WHERE ARE YOU LOCATED?

ME: WELL TELL ME WHERE YOU'RE COMING FROM AND I'LL GIVE YOU DIRECTIONS.

CUST: MY OFFICE

ME(GETTING RIGHT PISSED OFF NOW): WELL WHERE IS THAT SIR?

CUST: NEAR RECEPTION

ME:WHICH ONE (THERE'S ARE TWO ON THE PARK)

CUST: THE POSH ONE.

(BOTH RECEPTIONS ARE POSH)
ME:DO YOU MEAN THE CONFERENCE CENTRE?

CUST:ERR, YES

By this time i was     and giving the guy two fingers down the feckin' phone.
You've gotta wonder how these fuckin' chimps manage to get their jobs when they can't even handle a simple conversation that involves answering a couple of questions.

[Lando_Griffin]

Well I think you're both w*nkers for working in call centres in the first place.

[Ace Ventura]

Ha Roberts thats brilliant lad, i also work in a call centre in town mate and we get some right losers calling us.
My example isn't as bad as yours but happened just ten minutes ago.

Customer : I need a letter to say i had insurance with you, for my new insurance.
Me : Ok, can i take your policy number please.
Customer : Whats that ? I dont have one of them.
Me : It would of been on your insurance documents on the top, if you dont have it, i can take your name vehicle reg or postcode.
Customer : Mrs Strand I dont know the reg, i know i live in flat 6 Bermondsey house, i dont know the postcode either.
Me : What area ?
Customer : London ?
Me : Where about ?
Customer : Now getting angry with me, I dont usually get asked all this. Just send me the letter.
Me : How can we send you a letter if we dont know who you are ?
Customer : I told you i am Mrs Strand (muttering afterwards...honestly these people are stupid)
Me : Mrs Strand, i am trying to help you, you have called me, and dont know anything i need....not even your address.
Mrs Strand swore and hung up. 

[Paul C]

I couldn't work in a call centre, too many call from too many pr1cks 

[82-1074641017]

Customer : Now getting angry with me, I dont usually get asked all this. Just send me the letter.
Me : How can we send you a letter if we dont know who you are ?
Customer : I told you i am Mrs Strand (muttering afterwards...honestly these people are stupid)
Me : Mrs Strand, i am trying to help you, you have called me, and dont know anything i need....not even your address.
Mrs Strand swore and hung up. 

That is class
I cant believe she actually said you people were stupid  

[Piewhack]

All credit to you lot for working in a call centre!  Too bloody stressfull that job is!!

I had a stint working for BT in Warrington.
We had to do cold calls and outbound only too!! so needless to say it was cack-a-poop!
I lasted 8 months and called it quits!  I have since sworn never to work in a call centre ever again!!!

[Ace Ventura]

All credit to you lot for working in a call centre!  Too bloody stressfull that job is!!

I had a stint working for BT in Warrington.
We had to do cold calls and outbound only too!! so needless to say it was cack-a-poop!
I lasted 8 months and called it quits!  I have since sworn never to work in a call centre ever again!!!

Its pretty sh!te like but, there are loads of birds in the office so it has its perks 

[JBG]

Look, if any of ye guys are one of those c.unts that works in telesales that makes cold calls then I'm grabbing my axe and coming around to your house and..................

[Ace Ventura]

Look, if any of ye guys are one of those c.unts that works in telesales that makes cold calls then I'm grabbing my axe and coming around to your house and..................

Not me JBG,

I couldnt work in sales, too much abuse when you disturb people watchin Neighbours and eating there tea.

You look like you would own an axe as well, in ye lumberjack jacket 

[82-1074641017]

All credit to you lot for working in a call centre!  Too bloody stressfull that job is!!

I had a stint working for BT in Warrington.
We had to do cold calls and outbound only too!! so needless to say it was cack-a-poop!
I lasted 8 months and called it quits!  I have since sworn never to work in a call centre ever again!!!

Welcome to BT your talking to Piewhack.
How may I help you today?

[Ace Ventura]

Oh it just gets better and better my job 

Customer/Another branch of our company in India :
Hello i am calling to check if one of your previous customers has had any claims.
Me : OK can i take the policy no, and the name of the driver your requesting details of.
Indian call centre : RMO96387654 Mr Mark Mcelroy, can i take your name.
Me : Yeah its Ben
Indian call centre : OK Mr Ben.
Me : No Ben is my first name...my surname is Patrick, so its Mr Patrick
Indian call centre : Ok Patrick
I give the woman the details and advise this fella has hit a parked veh last year.
Indian Call centre : Is that classed as an at fault accident Mr Ben ?
Me : Well the other vehicle was parked with nobody inside, who do you think is at fault.
Indian call centre : would that be Mr Mcelroy at fault Mr Ben.
Me : YE-ESS !!

[dawson99]

i used to work in a call centre. it was market research where wed send out questionnaires then do a follow up survey on things people brought in the last 3 months. to avoid the tedium wed always be drunk, wed add very bizarre items to the list of what was brought and change our names. whenever i spoke to soenoe old i was ferris bueller or michael tyson

[Sabre]

I sympathise with ROberts. I'm IT , and part of my work is dealing with some remote customers running our app.

I have to solve the problems with the app, but many call you when they're buggered by virus or trojans, and you have to explain them, it's not our app which is not working, but the whole bloody computer is a mess.

Fortunately I have loads of patience.

[82-1074641017]

Another Conversation with a dozy store employee who was placing a order for a cust,  Stores are meant to introduce themselves and give a employee number just so we know not to take a card payment as the cust is paying in the shop:

Me:Hello your through to Paul how can I help you

Storewoman: I would like to place a order please

Me:Certainly, is it for yourself?

Storewoman: (Long Pause then sigh) Yes

Me:Okay can I take your surname please

Storewoman: My Surname?

Me:Yes thats right you are the cardholder arent you?

Storewoman: Er yes thats correct, my surname is Barkus.

Me: Cheers, and your postcode

Storewoman: My postcode?

Me:Yes

(Store gives postcode then I ask for address, Storewoman doesnt mention once all the way through the order that she is placing a order for a Cust so then I am oblivious to this at the time, after 15 minutes we get to card payment)

Me:Right Mrs.Barkus thats a total of £90.00, can I take your card number please?

Storewoman: You want my card now?

Me:Yes please, Mrs Barkus

(Storewoman goes missing for 10 minutes, comes back with a Maestro card and gives me card details, card details accepted)

Me; Thank you Mrs Barkus thats a total of £90 we have debited from your card your order ref is (gives order ref) is there anything else I can help  you with?

Storewoman:Er yes, you havent asked for the Customers details

Me:Yes I have, Ive got your details your Mrs Barkus

Storewoman: Yes but im a store, im sure i mentioned it, ive got Mrs Fletcher in the store with me now wanting to place a order

Me:Well whose card details did I just take?

Storewoman:You asked for my details and card number so i give you them.

Me: You didnt say you where the store

Storewoman:It comes up on your systems

Me: No it doesnt you have to tell us

Storewoman: It comes up on your system

(Me and storewoman debate whether it comes up on our systems for about 10 minutes before she finally accepts it doesnt)

Me:That means weve taken £90 off your card

Storewoman: oohh nooo! YOU BETTER NOT HAVE!
I ORDER YOU TO SORT OUT THIS UP ON YOUR BEHALF YOU CRETIN!!

Me: Cretin am I? Does your phone do this(I press release button and cut her off)