Liverpool FC Forum

[dawson99]

Hey all, so i see lando griffin doesnt like telesales... and everyone on the planet would have to agree with him. There are a few tricks you can do to make these calls more fun. These range from the usual and simple to the bizarre and carazy. so heres a couple of my faves:

1: the simple one. hit the mute button repeatedly as you talk to the people. this will become very annoying.

2: tell them (if they are offering you a mobile phone) that u have never wned a phone and hate them and you dont even own a house phone (did this once on the phone to someone, they just didnt know what to say)

3: put ona  funny accent. try to sound like i) sean connery. ii) bobcat goldthwait or iii) a french chef who hates everything

4: Pretend u have tourettes

5: Dont talk back, sing every line to the person on the otehr end

6: whenever u are asked a question, just inform the person that you are naked and covered in lemon curd (this only works for the guys)

7: Try to sell them something

8: the easy one.. tell them to F**K OFF!!!!!!!


anyone else got any they have used?

[Woollyback]

my favourite (did it earlier this week as it happens) is when the cheap phonecall firms ring you up from india, they ask if they can speak to the person who is responsible for the landline, just tell them you haven't got a landline, you can just hear the confusion in their voice

[andy_g]

did you know that if you're having some kind of mass debate (get in there judge you feckin comedian) with your mates after the pub and you can't quite remember the name of that actor, or the year that that album was released, or what the capital of mauritius is, that you can call directory enquiries and they'll help you?

go on, try it

[babu]

Just do what Jerry Sienfeld did:

tell them u are busy and ask them if you can call them back at home tomorrow night.

but seriously what u should do is ask whoever calls to remove your name from thier data base, by law (in most countries) they are required to do it.

[Espionage]

..............im a telemarketer

[wrighty (not mark!)]

..............im a telemarketer

i was!

Just to add to what babu said, yes this is true, if someone asks you to remove their details from the system you are obligated to do it.

[Judge]

did you know that if you're having some kind of mass debate (get in there judge you feckin comedian) with your mates after the pub and you can't quite remember the name of that actor, or the year that that album was released, or what the capital of mauritius is, that you can call directory enquiries and they'll help you?

go on, try it

they didnt know the capital of mauritius 

[LFC #1]

They often ask for the owner of the house. What you shouls do is say you live in a government owned house and you need to call the PM.

[Lando_Griffin]

Telling them to f*ck off and sh*g an Iguana should do the trick.

Failing that, I may try:

1.) "P*ss off you grotty little w*nker."

2.) "I am in the middle of a w*nk, love."

3.) "Just hang on while I wipe my a*se."

4.) (To a woman, or man!) "So...what colour panties are you wearing, lover?"

5.) Bark down the phone.

6.) "If you don't go away, I will eat my phone then sh*t it out."

7.) "No, I don't want a mobile phone duck. (bint - "why?") "Cos I've already got one". ("But the special, once in a lifetime, exclusive to you and the rest of humankind offer...") "Love, I don't want it. I will not buy it, no matter what you offer" ("But it is a special offer that we are offering only to you...") "Do you listen? Am I talking to myself?" ("Is that a yes then? Right your name is...") "No, I..." ("Right - thats done for you, it will arrive at your address tomorrow...") "I don't want the bloody thing!" ("Well it's too late now. You should have said!")    "FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK OOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

8.) B:(B*tch) Is that Mr Griffin?
LG: No.
B: Who am I speaking with please?
LG: A figment of your imagination.
B: I'm sorry?
LG: For what?
B: I'm a what?
LG: Are you?
B: Am I what?
LG: A what.
B: I'm a what!?!
LG: That's what I thought you said.
B: Look, is Mr Griffin there?
LG: Who is Mr Griffin?
B: The owner of this property.
LG: I have no idea.
B: Can I speak to the owner of the house please?
LG: No.
B: Why not?
LG: Because they aren't here.
B: Then who are you?
LG: A burglar.

9.) "Alf, you pregnant junkie whore, it's another idiot trying to sell you a phone....
(Alf:) "F*ck off."

10.) Hi this is Lando, I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now, but you're probably a telesales w*nker, so I'm glad. For all other things, leave a message after the beep. Beep. (Say it yourself - your friends will know, the sh*tbags won't.

11.) LG: I am phone.
B: I'm sorry?
LG: Volksprung dolk tecknik.
B: Eh?
LG: Vasudious tupra peedious.
B: Sorry, I had no idea you were foreign. Goodbye.
LG: Goodbye whoreslut.

[Espionage]

MWHAHAHAHAHAHA  

The thing that all YOU people must remember, is that US telemarketers have our fun as well.

E.g.

Me: Hi my name is Neil i am calling from Odyssey Financial, is Mr Smith there?
Smith: Yes and i am not interested.....
Me: how can you be not interested if you dont know what i am offering
Smith: look i am not interested.....
Me: are you not interested because A) you are senile B) you are stupid or C) you are Stupid?
Smith: how dare you
Me: .........Roar!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also when asked we will take people off out calling lists but.......... if you are rude enough to qualify for our list we will call you back whenever we want and try to sell you useless made up products for our amusement for or just verbally assault you the way you did to us.

The moral is.........DONT FU(K WITH US

[adamnbarrett]

8.) B:(B*tch) Is that Mr Griffin?
LG: No.
B: Who am I speaking with please?
LG: A figment of your imagination.
B: I'm sorry?
LG: For what?
B: I'm a what?
LG: Are you?
B: Am I what?
LG: A what.
B: I'm a what!?!
LG: That's what I thought you said.
B: Look, is Mr Griffin there?
LG: Who is Mr Griffin?
B: The owner of this property.
LG: I have no idea.
B: Can I speak to the owner of the house please?
LG: No.
B: Why not?
LG: Because they aren't here.
B: Then who are you?
LG: A burglar.

sounds like a good conversation

[woof woof !]

Most people try to get rid of telemarketers asap BUT when I have the time I keep them on the line for as long as possible . I try to sound very interesred in everthing they say but at the same time also sound dumb and make them repeat everything 3-4 times ,I then ask them to hold on while I get a pen so I can write it all down then I bu'gger of to the kitchen and make a cup of tea or take a dump ,when I get back if they're still hanging on the phone I pretend to be someone else and make them start all over again .   

[drummerphil]

Its a bit like Jehova witnesses...........i let one in the other day,made him a coffee and offered a biscuit.I then asked him what he had to tell me........he replied "i dont know i've never got this far before" 

[7_Kewell]

try to sell them something........it works everytime 

[Mikz]

Most people try to get rid of telemarketers asap BUT when I have the time I keep them on the line for as long as possible . I try to sound very interesred in everthing they say but at the same time also sound dumb and make them repeat everything 3-4 times ,I then ask them to hold on while I get a pen so I can write it all down then I bu'gger of to the kitchen and make a cup of tea or take a dump ,when I get back if they're still hanging on the phone I pretend to be someone else and make them start all over again .   

thats the funniest thing ive read on here