Liverpool FC Forum

[Roger Red Hat]

Thought I'd share with you a problem I encounted during my my recent trip for a dump.

I got to the point of no return, turtles head chewing at me grundies. So I dashed of to a quiet toilet we have upstairs at work that is only supposed to be used for clients. I always use this bog as it is peaceful and you dont get intruders waltzing in. Imagine my despair to find the door LOCKED. Oh my god!
The next decent loo is right at the other end of the offies so I quickly shimmied myself to them. Now this bog has 2 traps so your pretty much gauranteed a peaceful turn out. Imagine my horror to find Trap 2 engaged 
Anyway, I gets into position in trap 1 and release a few chocalate hostages into the murky water below.He did the same.  It was battle of the dumps. Duelling ar$holes.
Now I dont know how long this blokes been in trap 2 but I sure as hell aint gonna be the first to wipe up and wash. Imagine if we leave the traps at the same time - our identities would be revealed 
So I decides Im gonna sit this one out to the death...

...5 mins...


...10 mins...

...I'd sent 4 texts by now and got 4 replies ...   


...15 mins later I was beat. I had to make a move. I quickly wiped without making too much noise, just the one bad swear word as my finger went through the paper and scratched my balloon knot. 

I left...  defeated.

[PhiLFC]

"balloon knot"    ha ha ha ha  ya lazy pair of bastards

[Sabre]

   

[Woollyback]

my trap 1 story from today.....

the 'safety car' - a big, slow lazy turd followed by about 20 really fast small ones

[dawson99]

i like to flake flush to try to get the other out of the traps first.

genius story dude!!!

[RUSHIE#9]

my trap 1 story from today.....

the 'safety car' - a big, slow lazy turd followed by about 20 really fast small ones

PMSL!!

[andy_g]

just stare them out through that convenient little hole someone has made in the cubicle wall.

[66-1112520797]

You animal

[Ace Ventura]

The complexities of crapping in work 

We have bogs in ours that have got about 5 traps side by side, like service station traps, its even worse when most of them are full and you have to go in a middle one with people on both sides. Double danger. Its even worse if you've had a special curry the night before or a night on the ale, or both !!

The last thing you want is to open the door to wash your hands and hear the door next to you open, especially if the fecker next door has been making all weird squelchy plopping noises.

Geat thread Lee J 

[Roger Red Hat]

oh no, i'd bake it all day if we had traps like that

[Bad Bob]

Never sh!t where you work, is my motto.  Thankfully there are plenty of buildings on campus to choose from.  It only becomes an issue when you're seriously pushing cloth and can't manage a 5 minute walk without looking like the Hunchback of Notre Dame.

Also, can I say how fecking stupid auto-flushing toilets are?  Always flush when you don't want them to and never when you do.  Plus, the risk of backsplash is unacceptably high with them for some reason.  Pointless!

[andy_g]

i'm all for communal sh!tters like the romans had. the world would be a much better place if we could have our most important discussions while parking our breakfast.

[woof woof !]

Best communal sh'ithouse I ever visited was in Goa circa 1971.

Picture a nice thatched outhouse made from palm branches set amongst some sandy dunes surrounded by coconut palms. Inside there was a 3ft high concrete  platform with a chut down the center of it which went directly on to the sand at the back of the hut. To one side of the platform there's a big stone jar filled with water and a dipper with which you can scoop out some water and wash your a'rse.

So there I am , stoned and groovin' in this most exotic of crappers, beams of sunlight are playing through the gaps in the woven palm fronds that form the walls and  I can hear the sea some 30 yards away lapping on the beach . I drop my shorts and squat over the chute.

Just as I'm about to release the previous nights curry I hear a grunting emanating from an area disturbingly close to my a'rse     !

Peering between my legs I saw the head of an apparently ravenous pig halfway up the chute , gob wide open and eyes that I swear said  .

Apparently the inhabitants of the village had discovered a sewage system that was much more eco friendly than anything the romans had ever invented, i.e humans take a dump and the pigs "dispose" of it, I tell yer , the village pigs were addicted to the stuff, .It sounds like an ideal solution, the only problem was I spent the next two months in the village being stalked by an a'rse sniffing pig called "Kali"  (a Hindu Goddess most associated with death)

No wonder some cultures don't eat pork .

[andy_g]

here we go with woof's 'a pig ate my sh!t' story again...

[woof woof !]

fu'ck off, there are certain romances you never forget