Liverpool FC Forum

[Roger Red Hat]

Could you imagine............


NIGHTMARE #1
After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand. "There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied. He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. naturally,
the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously. "No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."


NIGHTMARE #2
One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and smiling, he says to her, "Honey, would you give me a blow job?" Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!" "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" He asks grinning at her. "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?" "Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!" "No way. It's just too risky!" "Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?" "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!" "Oh yes you can. Please?"

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's little sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says, "Dad says to go ahead and give him a blow job, or I can do it. Or if need be, mom says she can come down herself and do it But for God's sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom!"

[JBG]

NIGHTMARE #2
One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and smiling, he says to her, "Honey, would you give me a blow job?" Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!" "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" He asks grinning at her. "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?" "Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!" "No way. It's just too risky!" "Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?" "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!" "Oh yes you can. Please?"

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's little sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says, "Dad says to go ahead and give him a blow job, or I can do it. Or if need be, mom says she can come down herself and do it But for God's sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom!"

The second scenario is from a Mastercard ad.

[76-1115222408]

Could you imagine............


NIGHTMARE #1
After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand. "There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied. He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. naturally,
the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously. "No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."

Hope you are reading J-mac!!!

[Mikz]

I have a real life nightmare scenario..My mate invited me down to his new house and asked me if I would reinstall windows xp on his computer in the bedroom.Anyway we were upstairs and we decided on getting a chinese takeaway for dinner and i said i didnt mind waiting on him as the chinese was just 1oo yds down the castlereagh rd but as he was leaving out the back door his wife came through the front door and i heard him shout to her he was just nipping out for some food.
  So I was sitting at the computer and there was a mirror on the door facing me and  out the corner of my eye I seen what seemed like a naked body walk by the doorway Then i heard bathwater running and before i could even cough a warning-she came into the room stark naked. Didnt even notice me until she was leaving with the towel 
It put me in a dodgey position,not just what happened but -I never actually mentioned it to my mate.What could I have said like? Maybe i should have because he hasnt came anywhere near me since 

[Gareth G]

Castlereagh Rd in Belfast?

[Mikz]

aye thats the one.

[Gareth G]

Sweet, I think there's a right few of us N.I. guy's on here now. I know a fella from the Castlereagh Rd.

[DrTNT]

Sweet, I think there's a right few of us N.I. guy's on here now.

damn right there is 

[Lando_Griffin]

I have a real life nightmare scenario..My mate invited me down to his new house and asked me if I would reinstall windows xp on his computer in the bedroom.Anyway we were upstairs and we decided on getting a chinese takeaway for dinner and i said i didnt mind waiting on him as the chinese was just 1oo yds down the castlereagh rd but as he was leaving out the back door his wife came through the front door and i heard him shout to her he was just nipping out for some food.
  So I was sitting at the computer and there was a mirror on the door facing me and  out the corner of my eye I seen what seemed like a naked body walk by the doorway Then i heard bathwater running and before i could even cough a warning-she came into the room stark naked. Didnt even notice me until she was leaving with the towel 
It put me in a dodgey position,not just what happened but -I never actually mentioned it to my mate.What could I have said like? Maybe i should have because he hasnt came anywhere near me since 

Thats not a nightmare. 

[Lando_Griffin]

OK. You and your family have been kidnapped by a really evil Mafia mob, and using a series of steel wires and pullies, they have tied your family (but not you) up in seperate areas of a room, counter-balanced by one another. All but the actual wrist and ankle clamps are electrified, and the only tool you have is a small, blunt metal hacksaw. The room is sealed by an iron door (elecrified), which is the only possible means of escape. The floor is solid concrete, and the walls are 2m thick. The ceiling has been coated in sheet metal and is also electrified.

There is one loophole;the mob decided that because you were once one of them, it wouldn't be right to just let you all starve to death. It would be much better to give you a chance, no matter how sick.

There are a set of scales attached to the counter-balanced ensemble, which have the following riddle enscribed upon them;

To save thine family thy must be sure,
To enter the weight I have in store,
Be not too light, be not too heavy,
For death waits here for thy levy,
The item I seek can be used at will,
To empty a vessel, or another one fill,
The Watcher from the Land of the Rising Sun,
Gives the last hint of what must be done.

What do you have to do? (You have one attempt. If you get it wrong your entire family dies immediately, and you starve to death.)

[84-1106852058]

Light a Hamlet!

[andy_g]

burning small villages is no way to behave in this kind of situation.

[Pablo_Escobar]

My nightmare situation (which sadly did happened):
Back at uni i was sharing a falt with 4 mates.
One day I went out with my pack to get wasted. About 3 am. I was going back home pis.sed.
I went into the flat, lights turned off -> all ok, everyone's sleeping I thought.
I had to choose to go through one of two rooms to get to mine. I chose the wrong one.
When I opened the door I saw two of the guys I've been living with (for 2 years !!) having an intimate moment (doggy style - bleeeeeeeee).
Not to speak too much I was sober in the second.
Next semester I was living in another flat with straight people

[Afroman]

My nightmare situation (which sadly did happened):
Back at uni i was sharing a falt with 4 mates.
One day I went out with my pack to get wasted. About 3 am. I was going back home pis.sed.
I went into the flat, lights turned off -> all ok, everyone's sleeping I thought.
I had to choose to go through one of two rooms to get to mine. I chose the wrong one.
When I opened the door I saw two of the guys I've been living with (for 2 years !!) having an intimate moment (doggy style - bleeeeeeeee).
Not to speak too much I was sober in the second.
Next semester I was living in another flat with straight people

I bet you couldn't look them in the eye for months 

[Lando_Griffin]

OK. You and your family have been kidnapped by a really evil Mafia mob, and using a series of steel wires and pullies, they have tied your family (but not you) up in seperate areas of a room, counter-balanced by one another. All but the actual wrist and ankle clamps are electrified, and the only tool you have is a small, blunt metal hacksaw. The room is sealed by an iron door (elecrified), which is the only possible means of escape. The floor is solid concrete, and the walls are 2m thick. The ceiling has been coated in sheet metal and is also electrified.

There is one loophole;the mob decided that because you were once one of them, it wouldn't be right to just let you all starve to death. It would be much better to give you a chance, no matter how sick.

There are a set of scales attached to the counter-balanced ensemble, which have the following riddle enscribed upon them;

To save thine family thy must be sure,
To enter the weight I have in store,
Be not too light, be not too heavy,
For death waits here for thy levy,
The item I seek can be used at will,
To empty a vessel, or another one fill,
The Watcher from the Land of the Rising Sun,
Gives the last hint of what must be done.

What do you have to do? (You have one attempt. If you get it wrong your entire family dies immediately, and you starve to death.)

I can't believe no-ones got this!!!!!