Liverpool FC Forum

[Judge]

i can whislte and hum at the same time. cheers stmike

i wont sue

[wrighty (not mark!)]

i do like to wiggle my thingie! Its great being a pisces!

[stmichael]

afternoon all.

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Continue hiding.


Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Good day to hide an iguana in someone's satchel. They will not be expecting that, so everyone will get a good chuckle out of it.


Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Thrombosis. Beware. Also, your best friend will rush up and indicate by nonverbal means that Timmy is trapped under a log again.


Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Privacy will be an issue today. This may possibly be because a group of foreign tourists will follow you everywhere, smiling and nodding the entire time.


Leo (July 23 - August 22)

You will get one of those pre-mixed salads in a new high-tech bag that "breathes." Or, in this case, wheezes.


Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Birds figure heavily in your day, today. My advice? Wear a hat.


Libra (September 22 - October 22)

Today you will realize that your biggest problem is indecisiveness. Or possibly procrastination. Tomorrow may be a better day to figure out which.


Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Beware of rodents.


Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Today an ecologically-minded organic foods co-op will move into your home, while you're away. You'll be smelling whole-wheat fig bars for months, even if you succeed in extricating them. (Which is unlikely, in today's political climate. They need somewhere to hide. Have a heart.)


Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

You will discover a horror almost beyone imagining today -- your home is inhabited by the ghost of an insurance salesman. Who you gonna call?


Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

Today you will be seized with the urgent desire to buy a harmonica, which you will take everywhere with you, on one of those coat-hanger thingies around your neck.


Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Bad day to call someone a "whiney gen-x cybercowboy." Tomorrow's better, for that one.

[Judge]

those damn tourists

i love this topic

[stmichael]

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Today you'll develop a rare mental disorder, causing you to mix metaphors. But don't you worry -- you can't make an omlette without a silver lining, and in this case, you'll discover that everyone will confuse mixed metaphors with management potential. BIG promotion in store.


Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Your mind will go blank today. You won't mind -- it'll be a refreshing change from the raging torrents of thoughts that have been pouring through you lately. Plus, you'll get to stretch out in a sunbeam and take a nice nap.


Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Good day to begin construction of a labyrinth. Everybody loves a labyrinth.


Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Excellent day to fill some pantyhose with popcorn and do the reindeer dance.


Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Everyone who drives by today will stick their head out their car window, give you a big dopey look, and flop their tongue around in the wind. If you had known this was "act like a dog" day, you might have been better prepared.


Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

I see you making a special trip to the store today, to get something. It's in a sort of yellow-ish little box, about the size of a toothpaste box, I think. It's "prep-something"? Ah! "Preparation"-something, I think. Oh. Ahem. Anyway, if it's any consolation, I hear that Jet Fighter pilots have that problem much worse than most people. All that acceleration, you know. Don't worry -- your secret is safe with me!


Libra (September 22 - October 22)

You will discover that by simply wearing a large amulet made of bones and feathers, and by carrying a blowgun, you can usually get a seat on public transportation, no matter how crowded it gets.


Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Today is the day you will discover your larger cosmic destiny! A television infomercial and an 800 number are somehow involved.


Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Bad juju today. Stay well clear of West African carved figurines.


Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

Today you will wake up in somebody else's body. The strangest thing about the transition will be that you'll have all the memories from the new body, and none of your own from before. Despite that, you will be somehow quite certain that you've "traded down."


Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

Good day to bring donuts to a meeting. Later, ask people how their diets are going.


Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Bide your time, and don't do anything rash or in anger. Remember: Revenge is a dish best served cold, with a light bearnaise sauce.

   

[Judge]

stmike, what the fuck is the reindeer dance?

[stmichael]

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Today will be mostly OK, except that you'll learn to pay more attention in the future to the phrase "Careful, filling is hot!."


Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

You've been complaining too much, lately. You might find more to enjoy in your life by watching a documentary about a lot of people starving to death in miserable third-world slums. I know that always cheers me right up!


Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

You will be tickled without mercy, today. Oddly, you will not be able to see your assailant.


Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Remember: One tiddles one's winks, not vice versa. Winking one's tiddles would be crude, and is illegal in some states.


Leo (July 23 - August 22)

There will be a great disturbance in the force, today. Fortunately, it will be caused by a really funny lawyer joke sweeping through the Universe, so there's no reason for you to worry.


Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Stinky feet day, today. Don't go to a Japanese restaurant.


Libra (September 22 - October 22)

Someone you've never met will come up and nudge you today. You don't have to stand for that, though, and you should just nudge them right back.


Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Good time to invest some time in self-improvement. Or if that seems too hard, you can always improve someone else. Oh sure, they may gripe about it at first, but they'll thank you later.


Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Good day to be callously indifferent to the plight of the masses. You have larger things on your mind than whether the peasants are happy. Oui?


Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

You'll find a penny when you are out for a walk. Surprisingly, it will be the key to a wonderful change in your life. The trick is just to figure out what you can do with a penny, these days.


Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

Why did life develop in this fragile boundary between earth and sky? Because life exists at the edge of chaos. You'll find that is particularly true, this week.


Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Someone who you really dislike, who is arrogance personified...will be nice to you. This is a good time to be afraid.

[dawson99]

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Good day to be callously indifferent to the plight of the masses. You have larger things on your mind than whether the peasants are happy. Oui?

its true!!!! i couldnt give a monkeys about the peasents

[Garymac]

St Mike your dead right with the self improvement for scorpios, i need a shave and a haircut, spot on mate 

[stmichael]

i know these things  

[wrighty (not mark!)]

I am a pisces and where I work, there are a lot of arrogant, ignorant people so that narrows it down!

[woof woof !]

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

You will discover, today, that you can whistle and hum at the same time. This will entertain you for hours.


No wonder I'm in such a good mood , all that on top of discovering that I really can lick my own nuts .

[stmichael]

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Some strange "hooting" creature will hide in your bushes today. You should be able to drive it off by whacking the bushes soundly with a kitchen broom.


Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Today you will become a digger. Dig, dig, dig. That's all you'll think of, for months. You will discover an amazingly large diamond, about 27 feet down, and will be fabulously rich after that. Not that you'll give me any credit, of course. Ingrate!


Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

This is an excellent day to dare. Dare to eat a peach. Dare to wear your trousers rolled, and walk along the beach. Dare to be different. That sort of thing.


Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

You are being watched by a large penguin. Act normal.


Leo (July 23 - August 22)

You will receive a painful bonk on the head, today, while riding the bus downtown. It's your own fault, though, for sitting in front of that trombone player.


Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Resist temptation, today. You might have to get rough with it, or even wrestle it to the ground.


Libra (September 22 - October 22)

Excellent time to start a new company, making software to help people with mental problems. You will call it SchizoSoft. Your motto: "Who Do You Want To Be Today?"


Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Excellent time to do some personal reengineering. I mean, face it - your mother simply wasn't much of an engineer...


Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Unknown to you, people think you are a wimp - just because of your weak handshake. You need to get one of those hand exercisers, and use it constantly for a few months. Then, crush their little hands into pulp!


Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

Soon you will get into accounting, "just for the thrill of it."


Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

Good day to embrace diversity. Wear mismatched shoes.


Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

You still have way too much to do. You always have too much to do. If you were any more behind, you would be able to kick yourself. Ever try saying "no"? Sheesh.

[Garymac]

Im a Scorpio and im not much into engineering, im gonna be a Aquarius for the day and were odd shoes!

[82-1074641017]

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

You are being watched by a large penguin. Act normal.

Was his name Peo?