Liverpool FC Forum

[Judge]

In my day it was all different, up at 4:30am , get to work, work 12 hours and then home.

yeah right

Are you doubting my hard masterba'ting attitude

You doubter.....

depravity 

[hawkmoon269]

In my day it was all different, up at 4:30am , get to work, work 12 hours and then home.

yeah right

Are you doubting my hard masterba'ting attitude

You doubter.....

depravity 

Judge it like it is!!!

[Judge]

i will n have  

[stmichael]

mornin

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

It will turn out that all of your life up until now was just a peculiar dream, and that you are actually still only 2 years old. You will find this vaguely irritating.


Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

After today the following expression will no longer strike you as being in the least bit amusing: "Friends help friends move. Real friends help friends move bodies."


Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

You are sad about an upcoming event, but can do nothing about it. Try knitting -- people say it's wonderfully relaxing.


Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Today you will become stuck in a wicker chair. This is what the British refer to as a "sticky wicker", as it is an unfortunately common occurrence in their climate.


Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Nothing especially remarkable will happen today. You will get a strange urge to talk like Ziggy Marley, but it will pass.


Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Good day to bring home a bag or two of live bugs.


Libra (September 22 - October 22)

You will get a notion to become a street food-vendor, and will make yourself a food serving cart for the "Bulghur Baron." You will sell pint containers of hot bulghur wheat, cooked with sauteed onions, garlic, and other vegetables. To everyone's amazement, you'll succeed fabulously, eventually making millions off the franchise rights alone.


Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Good time to become involved in a secret plot to overthrow someone or something. Personally, I think your best bet is to start small. You can pick up some tips in "Overthrowing Things For Fun And Profit" by Kwan No, M.D., Ph.D.


Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Good time to get your finances in order. Luckily, in your case that simply means putting the one dollar bills in front of the fives, in your wallet.


Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

Life is beginning to bet a bit stale, isn't it? Whenever that happens to me, I concoct some sort of prune-related recipe and send it off to the food editor of the local daily. You might give that a try.


Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

You're about to spend a considerable amount of time with someone who personifies "dour." The kind of person who never once clapped for Tinkerbell, even as a child. Just ignore them, if you can. If you can't ignore them, pretend they are a duck.


Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

A big spider will be waiting for you in the dark, chuckling its evil spider chuckle, and rubbing it's hairy legs together in a chitinously evil way. Fortunately for you, someone else will come by before you, and will squish it without a second thought.

[Judge]

Fu*king whicker chairs

[stmichael]

good afternoon all

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

It will seem a great shame to you today, that your little finger has a cute name -- "pinky" -- but none of your other fingers do. That's the sort of thing that very few people besides you really spend much time pondering. They have such limited minds, don't they?


Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Today will be a complete waste of time. You will at least learn to spell "equaminity."..er..."equanimbity"...no...hmmm. You will learn to spell a word like that, today.


Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Today you will finally get to push the big red button! The main question is now...what are you going to do with the rest of your life? The answer, naturally, is "worm farming."


Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Remember that silly song The Monster Mash? Beginning today, you will start sounding a lot like the lead singer in that song.


Leo (July 23 - August 22)

You will contemplate nothingness today, but somethingness will keep intruding upon your thoughts.


Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

You will win 12,000 cases of peanut brittle today, on a call-in game show. That's a LOT of peanut brittle, as it turns out.


Libra (September 22 - October 22)

Sometimes you need to take one step back to make two steps forward. In this case, you'll need to go considerably further back.


Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Good day to begin writing that book you've been planning -- "Growing Radishes Indoors." It's an idea whose time has come.


Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

People around you are starting to look a bit complacent. Good day to adopt a haunted expression and carry a large ball of aluminum foil.


Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

Today you will have a sudden and brilliant idea for how to eliminate the U.S. federal deficit. "Let's all just pretend there isn't one!", you'll say.


Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

Try to avoid things that are squooshy today. Especially giant green squooshy things that probably came from outer space. (Hint: most giant green squooshy things are, in fact, from outer space.)


Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Tomorrow is a good day to wear your lucky Rocketship underwear. Try not to leap into rooms while shouting "Hark!" however.

 

[stmichael]

time for today's installment people

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Good day to call an old friend, and reminisce. (It turns out to be much much harder to reminisce with a new friend.)


Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Beware of lightning, today! Either stay indoors, or leave your aluminum foil hat behind. (I know, I know. It's hard. But I've learned to live without mine, most of the time.)


Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

A man dressed like a giant shrimp will roar past you in an experimental hovercraft, today. (Again.)


Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

You will decide that you like the name "Sven" better than your own, and you begin encouraging people to call you that. Eventually, you will have your name legally changed.


Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Excellent day to act childish. For example, when's the last time you ordered a drink with a straw, and blew bubbles in it? Or you could pout, if you want. (Be sure to go for good lip extension, though).


Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

You will see an ancient symbol appearing in the whorls of your fingerprints. That, combined with the dreams of apocalypse may make you worry. I wouldn't though -- it's just a vitamin B12 deficiency.


Libra (September 22 - October 22)

Good day to use the expression "just dandy" as much as possible. Tomorrow: "okey dokey" day.


Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Go nowhere without a flotation device, for a few days. You never know.


Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

To your chagrin and horror, you will find yourself humming along with "muzac" in the grocery store. It's the beginning of the long slow slide, I'm afraid. Next stop: collecting "nick nacks."


Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

It's about time you learned some more recipes dealing with zucchini. Lots and lots of zucchini. You'll need one of those new Martha Stewart "Kitchen Shovels", I'm afraid. The good news is, you'll find several nice zucchini recipes in my new cookbook "Recipes For Disaster" (the sequel to "Another Fine Mess").


Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

A scruffy-looking fellow who you've never seen before will come up and offer you a very strange-looking raisin muffin. Good idea to decline, in this instance.


Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Someone you know will drone on and on about various tentacled sea creatures today. The best thing to do is to pretend you have one of those vibrating pagers in your pocket, and say "oh! that must be the call I've been waiting for", and dash off.

   

[Judge]

st mike, how do you know these things??


i'm scared...i'm telling the police

[stmichael]

st mike, how do you know these things??


i'm scared...i'm telling the police

   

[Judge]

[stmichael]

afternoon all. how are we all today?

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Today will be especially trying, and if you're not careful, you could end up in a pretty grumpy frame of mind. Take precautions! Wear your E.T. underwear.


Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Try to put things in perspective, today. Basically, that means that things appear closer together, the farther away they are. That means that your problems are either big, or close together. Cool, huh?


Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

You will start having strange dreams of becoming an aquatic creature. Eventually, you'll spend nearly all your time in the water, and will attempt to get strangers to throw you fish.


Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

You've got to learn to slow down. You're driving yourself and everyone around you crazy. Just pretend that your life is a Prince Valiant comic strip.


Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Yesterday's bathtub mystery will be explained today. Still, you'll have no idea what to feed the penguin. Pizza might work, I'd think.


Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Good day to focus on simplicity and order. For a simple dinner, for example, order pizza. See how easy that is?


Libra (September 22 - October 22)

Good day to take up knitting, on horseback. Everyone needs an adventure.


Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Your main problem? You're not eating NEARLY enough strudel.


Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

You will be attacked by a man wielding a ham sandwich. Fortunately, you will remember your self-defense lessons, and should be able to drive him off using a bunch of celery.


Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

Not an especially good day to play with crossbows, guns, machetes, flame throwers, mortars, heavy artillery, knives, ninja throwing stars, spears, maces, or nuclear weaponry. At least not all at once. Why not go out and putter about in the garden?


Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

Good day to discuss zoospores (motile usually naked and flagellated asexual spores, especially of an alga or lower fungus) with casual aquaintances.


Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Today you will be seized with the urgent desire to buy a harmonica, which you will take everywhere with you, on one of those coat-hanger thingies around your neck.

 

[woof woof !]

afternoon all. how are we all today?

Why are you askin' us ? you're supposed to be the fkin' gypsy .
      

(I fine thanx St Mick)

[stmichael]

   

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Good day to bring home an insectivore as a pet.


Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

You are at a turning point in your life. Turn left.


Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Try to praise in public and criticize in private. Just never, ever, criticize privates.


Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Today you will uncover a conspiracy, involving leaf-blowers and other noisy and completely pointless garden equipment.


Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Today you will be "mooned" by a cat. Fortunately, you won't notice.


Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Excellent time to hum popular songs, just slightly off key. If you do that long enough, the people around you will change in appearance. You'll be able to see the veins in their neck, for one thing.


Libra (September 22 - October 22)

You will be plagued by theological doubts today, and will flirt with the idea of changing your religion. Subconsciously, this is because you're envious of the really cool hats some of the people in other religions get to wear.


Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Absolutely marvelous day to complain, grumble, gripe, or whine. Remember: if you're going to do something, do it well.


Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Today you will become a digger. Dig, dig, dig. That's all you'll think of, for months. You will discover an amazingly large diamond, about 27 feet down, and will be fabulously rich after that. Not that you'll give me any credit, of course. Ingrate!


Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

Today you will wonder where idiomatic expressions come from, and whether you can start one yourself. Be careful, though. The first person to say "nothing succeeds like success" must have sounded like a real idiot.


Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

Today you will realize that it seems quite impossible to make any sense out of life, especially when you consider what life must be like in Nebraska.


Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Everyone will stare at you like deer in headlights this week at the office. Actually, you will later decide that driving your car around inside the office may not be your best-ever idea.

[stmichael]

hi people. what a bad weekend

anyway, cheer up, mystic mick is here to brighten your day

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Let the golden sun of happiness burn away your inner fog of disgruntlement. Remember: gruntled people are more fun!


Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

More fun with twine, today. Isn't it great!?


Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

As a joke, you will put a remote controlled monster under someone's bed. That will be really funny, although perhaps not quite as funny as when they put a real monster under yours.


Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

A friend will ask your advice on a technical matter. If you answer, you'll be blamed. Pretend you don't know anything about it.


Leo (July 23 - August 22)

You will casually mention the German term for "exit ramp", and bring a conversation to a rapid close. That's hardly your fault, though, is it?


Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

On a pre-arranged signal, you and 3 cohorts will start talking complete gibberish today, leaving the 5th person in your meeting entirely baffled. Act as if he's behaving strangely, and look concerned.


Libra (September 22 - October 22)

This is going to be a fairly peculiar day, for you. You'll end up taking a bus downtown. Two neatly dressed but somewhat short and embittered women will push a cart up and down the aisle in the bus, dispensing packets of honey-roasted peanuts, and miniscule quantities of Diet Coke in plastic glasses.


Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Good day to make sure you are prepared for a big earthquake. Get bottled water, a first-aid kit, canned food, flashlights, transistor radio, sturdy hiking boots, and a feather boa.


Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Your next fortune cookie will say "See? We told you it taste like chicken!"


Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

A dirigible will hover nearby today, and you will have the uneasy feeling that you are being watched. You are, but so what?


Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

Excellent day to make odd hand gestures at people you don't know.


Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

An old man with bad teeth will whack you with his cane today, as you walk past. He'll pretend it was an accident. 

[Dom1]

galoots