Liverpool FC Forum

[Woollyback]

I only get deep when I'm p*ssed

[zarababe]

.. otherwise it's Flange talk ay figures

[Woollyback]

Yup, deep as a puddle me

[zarababe]

[Dom1]

I only get deep when I'm p*ssed

so dont u pleasure her when ur sober then 

















only messin woolly flange 

[stmichael]

   

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

People around you are starting to look a bit complacent. Good day to adopt a haunted expression and carry a large ball of aluminum foil.


Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

You will be attacked by a man wielding a ham sandwich. Fortunately, you will remember your self-defense lessons, and should be able to drive him off using a bunch of celery.


Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

A huge spacecraft will hover over your dwelling structure today, and secretly analyze you down to the last parasitic microbe in your epidermal layers. They will be on the point of making contact with humans, and offering us technology to cure all illness, let us live indefinately while looking like healthy 20-year-olds, and give us the ability to travel interstellar distances in an eyeblink...when they spot you making something with SPAM. After a bit of horrified bleeping at each other, they will zoom off, never to return.


Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

This is not a good day to start a new romance. Particularly not a new romance based on a personals classified ad in the back of Mad magazine.


Leo (July 23 - August 22)

You will develop the extremely rare "Perkin's Disease", and will start having a strange compulsion to shoot things with tranquilizer darts, or sell insurance. Plus, you will try to trick your friend, "Jim", into wrestling a giant anaconda.


Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

That bad smell in the closet will get stronger. Time to investigate.


Libra (September 22 - October 22)

Remember: people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. It's ok to throw mashed potatoes, however.


Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Excellent day to come up with new theories to explain the universe around you. Remember: the simplest explanation is usually the best. For example, most physicists today subscribe to the "Big Band" theory of the creation of the universe. I have an alternate theory that I prefer, which I call "Tuba Ensemble."


Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

If you love someone, let them go. If you hate someone, grab 'em and hang on like a dog with a stick. Snarl a bit, too -- that's always fairly effective.


Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

Not a good time to put all your eggs in one basket. In fact, what's this sudden egg thing about, anyway? Perhaps you should see someone.


Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

You've about had it with one particular fool in your life. Have you considered investing in a tranquilizer gun? Mine comes in very handy, especially at work.


Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Remember today: two wrongs don't make a right. But three do.

[Dom1]

Libra (September 22 - October 22)

Remember: people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. It's ok to throw mashed potatoes, however.

[stmichael]

morning all. time for some more wise words of wisdom.

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

An elderly Chinese gentleman will drop by for a visit. You'll spend the entire visit in complete silence, except for the occasional clink of a teacup in a saucer.


Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Nobody knows the trouble you've seen. Except for Bob, that is. You know - the quiet neighbor, with the binoculars?


Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

You will become embroiled in a serious dispute about food. Feelings will be hurt. Bygones will eventually be bygones, but not until you ease off on the Tabasco.


Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Good day to do a self-portrait. Or, if you're in a hurry, you can do what I do, and just spray paint all over yourself and run into a large canvas. Art is easier than you think!


Leo (July 23 - August 22)

It's time to start setting higher goals. Don't get stuff to make a salad and then let it rot in the fridge. Get stuff to make several salads, and start your own compost pile!


Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Today you must seek out the perfect noodle. Also, according to a recently reversed decision by Miss Manners, it's now perfectly ok to slurp noodles. (Or so I've been told.)


Libra (September 22 - October 22)

A friend will ask your advice on a technical matter. If you answer, you'll be blamed. Pretend you don't know anything about it.


Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

You will be plagued by theological doubts today, and will flirt with the idea of changing your religion. Subconsciously, this is because you're envious of the really cool hats some of the people in other religions get to wear.


Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

You will need two torches, a sword, leather armor, and a significant amount of courage today. And for heaven's sake, don't forget the twine.


Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

You will have a hunch, today. Perhaps you should try a firmer mattress?


Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

You will develop a severe craving for peanut butter cookies, today. You know -- the fresh homemade kind, that you squish down on the cookie sheet with a fork, making a cross-hatched pattern? They are incredibly yummy when they're still warm, like that, huh? I don't know where your craving will come from. Possibly something you read.


Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Good day to take up Rap music as a career. Either that or plumbing. (Most people are strangely unaware of the similarities.)

   

[stmichael]

happy valentines day people. for those of you who may be single and lonely today, i hope these wise words will cheer you up somewhat.

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

You will accidentally step on someone's foot, and they will say "Ow!." That's when I usually say "No pain, no gain." Sometimes people don't like me. I've never figured out why.


Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Good time to consider capitalizing on the wave of 70's nostalgia that is sweeping the land. Why not try making ****** carpeting? At least you should sit around in your beanbag chairs and discuss it.


Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Good day to get a potted plant for your office, which you should name "Throckmorton." (The plant, not the office. Obviously, "Throckmorton" is a completely inappropriate name for an office. "Wiggins" is a good name for your office, if it doesn't already have a name.)


Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

A strange package will appear on your doorstep -- a basket of fresh longan fruit, lined with a page from yesterday's Beijing newspaper. This could be a sign...


Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Excellent day to shuffle your feet. Remember: it's OK to shuffle your feet or to shuffle your cards, but you should never shuffle your nose.


Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Good day to wear tropical fruit on your head.


Libra (September 22 - October 22)

A project you started a while ago takes on nightmarish proportions, today, as you realize that you've been suckered into a hideous task. Fortunately, you will be able to get out of it by feigning death.


Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

You may be drinking a little bit too much coffee lately. That could explain why everyone else is moving so slowly, or why they say "What was THAT!?" in a verrrrry slow, deep voice, every time you walk by.


Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Yesterday's bathtub mystery will be explained today. Still, you'll have no idea what to feed the penguin. Pizza might work, I'd think.


Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

You will be plagued by feelings of inadequacy, and will have a feeling of ennui mixed with malaise. But don't let it get you down!


Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

It's ok to whistle while you work. Your co-workers will draw the line at yodelling while you work, however. They're probably just jealous.


Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Today you will be invited to go on a 3 hour boat tour, which you think will be lots of fun. It may last longer than you expect...

   

[dawson99]

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Yesterday's bathtub mystery will be explained today. Still, you'll have no idea what to feed the penguin. Pizza might work, I'd think.


interesting penguin side story. gay rights activists ion germany have today launched a campaign against a zoos attempts to move more female penguins into its enclosure. it turns out that all the male penguins are... getting betetr aquainted and the female penguins are being ignored. gay rights activists say it is a honmophobic approach and that the penguins should be allowed to experiment in whatever makes them happy.
the arguing continues. true story

[stmichael]

hi guys

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

You will go into business making those little sugar packets that restaurants use, and make a fortune. The restaurants will have to use fewer of yours than anyone elses. Is it due to the pictures on the packets, of really fat people? Who knows.


Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

You will find an alien artifact behind the cushion in the sofa. Point the pointy end away from you, if you push the little bumpy thing. Personally, I'd just leave it alone.


Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Good day to snitch cookies when nobody's looking.


Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

You will decide to take up juggling, today, and will become exceedingly good at it. Eventually, you'll start an offbeat new religion, and proclaim that Supreme Truth will be revealed to those who juggle.


Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Today you will begin a new hobby: collecting spores, molds, and fungus. You will find it richly rewarding, in a spiritual sense.


Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

While channel-surfing by remote control, you will accidentally happen upon a secret US government channel, and will overhear people in the Pentagon talking about their success with several operatives code-named after various amphibious creatures. A sudden horrible realization will strike you. Either that, or you'll get jam on your shirt.


Libra (September 22 - October 22)

You've got to learn to slow down. You're driving yourself and everyone around you crazy. Just pretend that your life is a Prince Valiant comic strip.


Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

You need to do something about that nervous laugh. Practice an "evil laugh" and use that instead. Then at least, you'll be able to hear everyone else's nervous laughter.


Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to argue any more, unless you've paid.


Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

A rare form of management disease will strike you today, where you can only speak in metaphors. Still, you'll open the kimono and hit the ground running.


Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

You will discover that your manager was frequently taunted with a rubber chicken during his formative years. This will go a long ways towards explaining some of the things you'd been wondering about.


Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

You will get through the day without too much trouble today. It would go even more smoothly, however, if you had bought that laser cannon when you had the chance.

[stmichael]

time for today's installment

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

It's time to tell your friend to quit wearing that rediculous goatee. Why not recommend a sheepee, instead?


Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

People will tease you about wearing your golf shoes indoors. Don't you mind them, though -- they're undoubtedly just jealous.


Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Be careful if you try to be funny, today. Although you are normally reknowned for your dry wit, you may be a bit soggy, today.


Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Things haven't been going well for you lately, and you're sinking into a fairly ugly bit of self-pity. You merely need to count your blessings! (1) You've got a tremendous talent, which some day may be in demand, (2) You're almost normal -- LOTS of people have extra appendages, (3)...


Leo (July 23 - August 22)

In a daring intellectual coup, you will translate a collection of Zen koans from Chinese directly into Jive, in an attempt to combine the best elements of philosophical thought and emotion. You will title the collection "Yo Mama By The River."


Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

You will invent a method of making icosahedral ice cubes, today, which everyone will think are really cool.


Libra (September 22 - October 22)

You need to be a bit more brusque, to cut down on your interruptions. Stay just this side of gruff, however - and make sure you don't stray into crustyness.


Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Today one or more close relations will pout. You will stoicly endure this, and will steadfastly refuse to relinquish control of the remote control.


Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Good day to make as much goulash as possible.


Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

Good day to begin that toothpick sculpture you've been thinking of. You'll be the only private individual (aside from Martha Stewart) who orders toothpicks by the case. Martha goes through several boxes just sticking breakfast together, I hear.


Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

Beware of rodents.


Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

What goes around will come around, today. Metaphorically speaking, that is.

 

[stmichael]

   

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Today will mark the first time you've ever actually "wrestled" a largish reptile. Although an unexpected experience, you will find it strangely stimulating, and may decide to pursue it as a career.


Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

You will realise soon that you've missed your true calling in life -- that of a New Vaudevillian, a theatrical marvel of the Age of Cable. Starting as "Professor Snibble and the Yodelling Pigs!", you'll rapidly achieve notoriety, and (much later, with a different act) respectability.


Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Today you will receive a gift horse. Unfortunately, it will have a really horrendous case of gingivitis.


Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

You will discover a bassoon player hiding in the shrubbery. That's not something you should try to deal with yourself -- call in the professionals.


Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Today you will lose your marbles. Fortunately, someone will find them and return them to you.


Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

You are being followed by a man with an eye patch and a prosthetic limb. He, in turn, is being followed by a large reptile, which is making a ticking sound.


Libra (September 22 - October 22)

Someone named "Bob" is plotting to whap you with a calla lilly. If you carry long-stemmed carnations around with you today, you will be able to retaliate swiftly and effectively.


Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Let a smile be your umbrella, today. Tomorrow: letting a grimace be a pair of hip-waders.


Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Today will be one of those days when everything reminds you of wild hickory nuts. Tomorrow: everything reminds you of peach yogurt.


Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

Excellent day to blow soap bubbles in unusual places. See if you can get them to drift by people who are thinking too hard.


Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

You will build a better mousetrap, but nobody will beat a path to your door. Several people will beat a path to your refrigerator, though, and will make sandwiches.


Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

You will notice an odd stone "egg" in an antique shop. Don't bring it home. They're very hungry right after they hatch. 

[hawkmoon269]

Can I have some of what your smoking!!!!     

[stmichael]

Can I have some of what your smoking!!!!     

damn cheek

i've got none left