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LITTLE TIM ON  MATH


A  teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot  one of them, how many will be left?' She calls on little  TIM.

He  replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'

The  teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.' 

Then little TIM says, 'I have a question for YOU.

There are 3  women sitting on a bench having ice cream:

One is delicately licking the  sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top  and sucking the cone.

The  third is biting off the top of the ice cream.

        Which  one is married?'

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I  suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'

To  which Little TIM replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring  on,' but I like your thinking.'



LITTLE  TIM ON MATH (Part  2)

Little  TIM returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

'Why?' asks  the father?

'The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'' I said '6', replies  TIM.

'But that's right!' says his dad.

'Yeah, but then she  asked me 'How much is 3x2?''

'What's the difference?' asks the  father.

'That's what I said!'


LITTLE  TIM ON ENGLISH


Little  TIM goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn  multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable  word?'

TIM says 'Mas-tur-bate.'

Miss Rogers smiles and says,  'Wow, little TIM, that's a mouthful.'

Little TIM says, 'No, Miss  Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob.'



LITTLE  TIM ON GRAMMAR


Little TIM was sitting in class one day.
All  of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He  yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to take a !!'

The teacher replied,  'Now, TIM, that is NOT the proper word to use in this  situation..
The  correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
Please  use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.' 

Little TIM, thinks for a bit, and then says, 'You're an eight, but if 
you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!'


LITTLE  TIM ON GRAMMAR (Part  2)


One  day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands  from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice. 

First, she called! on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought  my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'

'Very good,  Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

'My  mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.'

She  said, 'Excellent, Michael!' Then the teacher reluctantly called on little TIM. 

'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was  pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just   beautiful!''






LITTLE  TIM ON GETTING OLDER

Little TIM was  sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.    After  the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all  that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make  you fat.'

Little TIM replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years  old.'

The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a  time?'
Little  TIM answered, 'No, he minded his own business.





I  LOVE Little TIM

[metalhead]

'You're an eight, but if  you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!'