Liverpool FC Forum

[anti-hero]

*gasps and cover mouth



Noo!!!!!!


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[Judge]

yessssssssssssssssssssss

[anti-hero]

Do you think you could change those "LFC Elite Member" or "LFC Guru Member" tags to like "Emoticon Spammer" for me?

[Judge]

what do you mean judge said

[IstanBuL-FenerBaHce]

At that moment, Fenerian comes in..

"I am the new admin" lied he.

"F.uck off, we are sick of your emotions-you are banned"

[Judge]

At that moment, Fenerial comes in..

"I am the new admin" lied he.

"F.uck off, we are sick of your emotions-you are banned"

Fenerian was a short gay fat bloke who no-one cared for, apart from lando 

everyone knew he had fenerial disease 

[IstanBuL-FenerBaHce]

"Oh u little b.astard" said Fenerian..

He got his pocket-cognac out and realized it was empty..Being angry because of slanders by Judge, he tried to throw the empty bottle to his head.

But, oh my god, he couldnt accurate and the bottle flied directly to...

[Judge]

back in fenerians face, the useless c'unt

[thegreedo]

It was a crisp night, the moon glistening on the calm waters, only the song of a nearby lark could be heard over the deathly silence. The uninhabited waterside did not lend itself to visitors, especially not in the eerie dead of night. Suddenly the precise beam of moonlight that highlighted the water's peace distorted sharply as a shadowy silhouette broke it's surface.
As the figure rose it's outline took a human form, a man, a powerful man, seemed to be hauling something from the depths of the murky liquid. As the moonlight cast over the man's weighty baggage it became clear, the "lets write a story" thread had been rescued from the depths from which it had been dragged by the likes of Judge, Anti-hero and Istanbul, but what of it's saviour?
The muscular figure, having seen his payload pulled clear from the mire, mopped his brow, looked toward the moon, and in a soft yet gravely voice uttered one word, "Lando!".

The greedo was back! With the thread saved it was time to return to the real business of stalking his pie-eating arch enemy, the unfeasibly bloated Lando Griffin. Time was short, and so was Anti-hero, so greedo had to resume his quest without delay!

Meanwhile back in downtown Newkitsville.......

[Lando_Griffin]

...Lando was busy organising a romantic meal at the Ritz for him and his lovely bride, Eva.

Once the finer details had been tended to, he set about paying his hallowed gun-making friend S@int a visit. Lando tried out every weapon in S@int's armoury, and decided on a trusty .44 Magnum, a Bowie knife, and an M16. He looked at his watch, thanked S@int, and left without delay.

If he were to intercept Thegreedo on his way to Lando's mansion, "Griffin Towers", he'd have to hot-foot it to the train station, catch the 21.15 to Elmslow, and hope that his adversary would take the bait he'd left him. Rafa-Dodd. In a gimp-suit.

Lando wagered that Thegreedo would be positively blue by now, having gone without sex since the middle of July, and his marathon session with the other plant, Joko. The chances were Greedo would jump at the opportunity of some man-on-man action. (I use man in it's broadest possible sense.)

The 21.15 to Elmslow arrived on time, and Lando stepped aboard. It was empty but for a small, ugly, slug of a man sitting snorting on the back seat. It was AdamBarrat.

Adam greeted Lando with a typical grunt, and the two newkitters exchanged pleasantries until the train pulled up at Griffinton, Newkitsville.

Lando exited the carriage and checked his watch again. The train had lost time on the journey, and he was now running 5 minutes behind . If Rafa-Dodd had failed to lure thegreedo, or if he had premature ejaculation, Eva would be a dead lady.
Lando collected his thoughts and increased his pace. He was almost running now. Almost, but not quite. Let's just say he was walking briskly and with spirit.

He arrived home to find it untouched. There was no sign of Thegreedo. Rafa-Dodd had obviously succeeded in his task.

Lando pondered a while the virtue of seeking thegreedo and killing him whilst on the job, but his thoughts soon returned to the more pressing matter of tonight, and his date with a woman so hot you could brand cattle with her.

He decided that thegreedo could live to see another day.

[thegreedo]

Elmslow station had come to a standstill, rain on the tracks had caused a 12 hour delay so thegreedo's 22.15 train would not be leaving until the following morning. A lucky break for the porpoise-like Lando, he would now be able to breathe Gods clean air for a few more hours.
Greedo was becoming increasingly impatient, he clearly had only one option, he would have to make his own way to "Griffin towers" travellers park, Griffinton. It was not a long journey but for a man of thegreedo's fitness level it would take some time. Thegreedo decided to stock up on supplies at the station kiosk before his trek. Upon reaching the kiosk he was served by tasty little filly, greedo looked at her name badge, it said simply "Kazza". The young lady was clearly flirting with greedo but he could not be distracted from his focus, even by an attractive woman, so he simply gave Kazza his number and began to put his newly purchased refreshments in his backpack.
The rustling sound of greedo's actions was drowned suddenly by a scream, it was Kazza. Greedo turned to reassure her it WAS his real number when she shouted "look out!!". Greedo turned again to see a gimp suit clad Rafa-Dodd running towards him at speed, greedo then Cooley and calmly reached between his shoulder blades to where his plasma rifle was located, flicked the safety off and squeezed the trigger blowing the rubber-coated Rafa-dodd all over the station concourse like some kind of raspberry jelly filled water bomb. Before the last of the debris had settled, greedo was gone.

Back at Griffin towers, Lando had lulled himself into a false sense of security, believing his nemesis to be delayed by his late accomplice Rafa-dodd the hapless dough-boy had decided to change his gas bottle so he could make another pan of tripe, seven didn't even touch the sides!
Lando heard a call from outside the caravan, it was Eva, she was with Lando under duress, her yearning to return to her Romany roots proving too great for her to ignore and Lando's dungaree wearing tribe proved an easy option. She was calling Lando as it was it was his favourite pastime to play the banjo as she played fiddle while the children from the other vans danced round the campfire and sang from toothless mouths.

Greedo could now see the roofs of the caravans in the distance, and the illuminated "Griffin towers" neon sign stood bright on the background of the orange campfire glow, he knew Lando was close, he could almost smell him.......

[Lando_Griffin]

...Thegreedo felt a strange wet sensation all over his genitalia and looked down. He had slipped into a deep sleep while RD was "freshening up", and only awoke at the strained gobble he was enjoying.

"Could I have dreamt it?", thegreedo thought.
"Oh who cares..." he concluded as finished in RD's hair.

"Right - your turn now, Princess", thegreedo urged.

Rafa-Dodd then recieved what can only be described as an enthusiastic "gum-job" from the dentally-challenged Greedo.

Meanwhile, Lando and Eva were enjoying their regal dinner, with a promise of lusty relations for dessert.

They finished their meal and wandered back through the streets of Newkitsville, the scent of love in the air. They heard a rustling in the distance, and a wild cry of "You want the car-jack WHERE, greedo!?!"

Lando didn't even bat an eyelid, as he knew that Eva was safe whilever he was there to protect her.

They continued their stroll back home, and spent the night making love.

And then Lando farted and held Eva's head under the covers.

[thegreedo]

Eva's patience was running out.
"Have you fallen asleep again you slob! It's music time!!"
Eva stepped into the van only to find the sweating mass of a man spilled out on the vans sofa/bed his drool soaked cheeks flapping as he snored. He was occasionally mumbling something that was inaudible to Eva from where she was standing, so she Lent over him an got as close as his halitosis would allow.
"Oh yeah, Rafa, greedo, that's the way I like it." He mumbled again.
Eva immediately recognised these names, Lando had mistakenly called them out during her unfulfilling and extremely brief love making sessions with the walking butter mountain.
In a fit of rage she slapped him across the face, five minutes later when his jowls had stopped flapping he woke.
"What the.."
"You slob, you're having those dreams again aren't you! You told me you were going to block out those homosexual thoughts!!"
The bleary eyed walrus could manage only a fart in response.
Eva, choking back on the rancid methane was about to comment when a blast of blue light tore through the roof of the caravan, she dived for cover.
Lando looked up through the newly converted van to see greedo standing on the verge at the edge of the park, plasma rifle in hand. Lando grabbed his magnum and aimed a couple of token shots, he never was much of a gunman and sighting through sleep encrusted eyes made him even more wayward.
A screech of tyres sounded outside the van. It was Lando's bit-on-the-side S@int.
"Get in! It's greedo he's going to kill us all!!"
Luckily for Lando, S@int had a pick-up so the human jelly was able to pour himself in the back. Taking in mind the weight of his payload S@int selected a low gear and with his foot to the floor managed somehow to speed off.
Greedo pushed his way through the now mass gathering of pikies to the remains of Lando's van where Eva stood.
"Now I see why Lando dreams of you!"
"Where did he go?"
"I will tell you, I promise. But first there is a bed still in tact. Take me! Please! For years now I have yearned for a real man!"

Five hours later greedo emerged clutching a piece of paper with an address scrawled in lipstick. His search delayed yet again, he had to make up some time. Greedo took out his cell phone and called his old mate Woolyback.
" Wooly I need to call in a favour, I'm in Griffinton, pick me up in the chopper!"
In no time at all the draught from wooly's rotor-blades was tossing around Eva's hair as if in some shampoo add, she looked good. Greedo tickled her tonsils one last time before disappearing into the night sky.

Meanwhile there was a shady union taking place at JBG's kebab emporium on the outskirts of Newkitsville....

[Lando_Griffin]

...It was the REAL Eva, who had made her escape in the pandemonium, and cunningly dressed an unwitting cocaine-addled Bigmick in her clothes. The unholy relations which took place in the smouldering remains of Lando's state-of-the-art holiday home (which he'd foolishly parked in the drive of his palacial mansion), would live long in the memory of Newkit's voice of reason, despite being doped by the unscrupulous Greedo.

Eva met up with her soul-mate Lando, and the two spent a tender moment together, thankful for each other's safety.

As the relief subsided, Lando's mood changed, and the once calm, laid-back look on his face was replaced by one of sheer rage and determination. He wanted revenge, and vowed to kill thegreedo wherever he may find him.

Saddled-up and ready to fight, and after placing Eva in a safe-house no-one could ever find, Lando took to the streets to hunt his demonic nemesis.

It took Lando all of 3 minutes to pick up thegreedo's trail, when he spotted a brown-tinted used condom lying in the gutter, and a charred business card titled "The Pink Carnation". Thegreedo's number was written on the back.

Just as Lando stood up, the ghostly figure of Rafa-Dodd appeared before him;

"Lando, thank God! I....I....It was horrible!" RD said before he fainted from massive heamorraging of the rectum.

Lando laid his friend in the recovery position, dialled 999, and set out once again to hunt down the foulest man alive.

He arrived at The Pink Carnation in good time, and set down at a table in the darkest corner, with his bottom to the wall for added protection.

"Hi, how may I help you, Sailor!?!" came a camp enquiry from one of the bunny-boys.

"You can f*ck off" came the reply.

"Ooooh! What's YOU'RE problem, moody!?!" The chatter-box bender continued.

Lando tore out his throat with one sharp move. The gayboy fell to the floor in a pool of his own homosexual blood.

After about 45 minutes, thegreedo entered the bar flanked by his 2 most loyal henchmen, Hustler and another Gypo, Iris. They groped a couple of the remaining bunny-boys and were led to a private room at the back of the building by the main fag, "Big Gay Al".
Lando rose to his feet and followed the stinking quartet closely, all the time watching his rear like it were a new-born child in a Lion pit.

They walked down many flights of stairs. SO many, infact, that Lando began to fancy that they were leading him to Satan himself. Was that the smell of brimstone in the air, or was it his imagination?
Unluckily for him, it WAS his imagination. The journey's end was much, much worse than that.

It was a ritual sex-ring, where all manners of sexual degradation were positively invited. Goats, Buzzards, Baboons, and even a flea-bitten cow were chained to the walls with their hind legs wedged apart, each with a haunted look of dispair.
Lando looked around for thegreedo, who had since donned a Cardinal-esk hat and staff, and made his way to what looked like a throne.
As the King Pervert sat down, droves of chanting druids flooded the theatre-like room and began kneeling before their master.

Lando decided he'd be better placed on one of the beams above the auditorium, and scaled a nearby stanchion with suprising agility.

The chanting suddenly ceased, forcing Lando to stop climbing in a less than favourable position. Nevertheless, he looked on with intent at the vile proceedings before him.

A door at the rear of the room opened slowly, and a shadowy figure emerged from the haze that had appeared.

It was a chicken.

And it was about to get it's a*se breached.

Lando turned away in disgust as at least 500 sick men had passionate sex with the poor bird, before they handed the cream-loaded poultry to thegreedo.

Having studied it as intently as a 10 year old boy might look at a porno mag, he made love to it himself before supping the luke-warm juices from it's anus.

Lando vomited, and made his way to the top of the gantry.

He took aim with his M16 and blasted thegreedo and his minions away with a hail of bullets Rambo himself would have been proud of.

There was no doubt thegreedo was dead. Owing to past experience, Lando checked it WAS him, cross-referenced his dental records, took DNA samples, and checked for zips in his skin.

He also pinched himself and smacked his head against the wall to rule out the dream option.

No, there was no getting away from it this time - thegreedo was dead, and Lando was the man.

[thegreedo]

The body of the mighty Greedo lay were it fell for some time eventually beginning to decompose. Bodily fluids seepinig into the ground to form little DNA parcels beneath the soil that would one day become fosilised amber.

A dark cloud loomed heavy over Newkitsville and in particular the "lets write a story" thread. The townsfolk dreaded the future, the litirary content of the thread sure to plummet to depraved depths left in the hands of the clearly sick mind of the heaving mass that is Lando Griffin.

Never again would the formidable Greedo put finger to keyboard.       Or would he................