Liverpool FC Forum

[Lando_Griffin]

The members of Newkit rallied against JBG's demands of anal loving from each male member (except for greedo, who happily obliged), and JBG was overthrown.

The people's choice, Ciggy, took on the mantle of Newkit Empress, and immediately set about Knighting the brave and dashing Lando, and invited him to become her husband.

Judge was the Court Jester, and greedo his blonde assistant.

Lando took the time to consider Ciggy's proposal, weighed up the pro's and cons, then...

[Judge]

soiled his own pants, at the thought of getting his leg over with the lovely ciggy.

Ciggy said ''never mind lando, premature ejaculation can be easily cured, but looking into your medical records, i fear that there is nothing that we can do for you. You will remain a virgin''


Lando (seen here) was visibly moved by what ciggy had said and left to change his pants.

Meanwhile, andy g (the guy with the dry sense of humour and no friends), along with Bigmick (a godfather type who writes footy bollox), and Taff (a rhyl football supporting ape) were seen on the horizon.......

[thegreedo]

at the wheel of their industrial stain removal company van. The boys had been called in to clense Lando's apparently unfeasibly soiled gusset. The oily mass of a man had apparently suffered from not one but multiple premature ejaculations and was left dased at the feet of the object of his unwanted affections, Ciggy.

Ciggy, understandably distressed by the actions of Lando's unstable testes orderd the execution of the now blubbering walrus like character. Andy G, Big Mick and Taff however had other ideas, they felt Ciggy's treatment too harsh so while Taff tried to locate a forklift to help Lando into their van, Andy and Mick........

[Lando_Griffin]

...Lit up a spliff and watched gay porn for 2 and a half days.

Finally located, the Forklift had run out of charge (for t'was an electric one), and so Taff fed Lando 28 tins of beans, and convinced him to fart his way into the van.

Once in there, Taff offered to take Lando to the World's leading expert on premature ejaculation, in return for one night of jollies with Sabre in his Eva Longoria costume.

Lando agreed instantly, they set off to peewee's Oriental Weewee clinic, got everything sorted, and were back in time for tea.

Taff dragged Sabre into the van while Lando took the real Eva to heaven and back.

Upon hearing of Lando's new-found virility, Ciggy ordered her recently appointed Lady-in-Waiting, Judge, to issue a death warrant to Eva.

Lando was not impressed, and through superior bargaining skills, a snappy dress sense and a 5-hour sex-session, Ciggy relented and agreed to share her beloved on a one day on, two days off basis.

Thegreedo was insanely jealous, but was appeased when Ciggy decreed that he and The Ace must have sex with each other for at least 15 hours every day.

Judge...

[Judge]

shot ace with an over and under shotgun at point blank range. Judge was suitably satisfied as he hadnt shot anyone since 1991. Ace did not die, as he was a pussy and had nine lives.

Greedo was still jealous for some reason, so lando slapped him and told to wake up in the real world !!

Anti hero and  woollyback, had teamed up with andy g, taff and bigmick, to teach liverpoolanytime a big lesson in happy slapping. They slapped him good.

Hoiwever, the dole dossing waster LPA, managed to escape through his fly hole. The gang wondered how he did it, then woollyback (a self confessed genius) said that LPA didnt have a spine, and was a liquid type person and mustve slipped away during the melee

Nonetheless, AB checked himself into an alcohol clinic that also dealt with STI's..............

[Lando_Griffin]

shot ace with an over and under shotgun at point blank range. Judge was suitably satisfied as he hadnt shot anyone since 1991. Ace did not die, as he was a pussy and had nine lives.

Greedo was still jealous for some reason, so lando slapped him and told to wake up in the real world !!

Anti hero and  woollyback, had teamed up with andy g, taff and bigmick, to teach liverpoolanytime a big lesson in happy slapping. They slapped him good.

Hoiwever, the dole dossing waster LPA, managed to escape through his fly hole. The gang wondered how he did it, then woollyback (a self confessed genius) said that LPA didnt have a spine, and was a liquid type person and mustve slipped away during the melee

Nonetheless, AB checked himself into an alcohol clinic that also dealt with STI's..............

and encouraged you to date the nurse, Adamnbarrett:

Adam had a disturbing interest in mouldy cow pats, and this soon became an obsession which saw him scouring farmers' fields at unholy hours to feed his addiction.

Woof, minding the sheep he'd rounded up only an hour earlier, spotted Adam in the neighbouring field when the poo-persuer acidentally slipped on a fresh pasty, and landed face-first.

Woof's ancient barks alerted his master, who raced to the scene with his shotgun.

Farmer JBG...

[anti-hero]

out of his house.

It was pure darkness. He looked around. Straining his eyes to catch even the smallest of movements. But his quarry had the cover of darkness on his side.

"Fuck." JBG muttered.

He stood there for a few moments, lost in thought.


And then he told woof to stay and watch as he walked back to the house.

5 minutes later, he came back with an M16.

He turned off the safety as a smile crossed his face.


You could barely make out an evil laugh as bullet casings started to rain on the green floor.


Adam started running as soon as bullets whizzed by.

[thegreedo]

his mantis like frame allowing him to evade JB's life taking bursts. Suddenly all around him went dark, while his gaze had been concentrated on the maniacal gun wealding JB he had inadvertantly run up the cavernous anal chamber of Lando who had been picnicking with his new ladyboy partner Sabre in the ajoining field. Lando had needed a break to get over the stress of the -whipping he had received from the greedo after taking him out with a cheap shot.

Unaware of his unwanted anal stowaway Lando was confused as to why JB was now shooting at him and in order to defend himself grabbed Sabre and with all the valour of a member of the Argentinian Falklands invasion squad used him as a human shield.

The bullets........

[adamnbarrett]

wizzed passed Adam as he dodged them like Neo from the Matrix. Lando meanwhile was still holding sabre as a human shield but didn't realise that he was stuck in the mud of the farm. Sabre elbowed Lando in the face and he let go of him. This made lando fall over and he was stuck, lying down in the mud. JBG was p155ing himself laughing at the stuck lando and his aim well untruly off target, this was unfortunate for anti-hero because a bullet went up his....

[woof woof !]

Girlfriends flu killing any hopes he had of ...........

[dawson99]

practising his chimney sweep which he has perfected after....

[woof woof !]

singing chim chiminy chin chiminy chim chim cheree during a school visit to

[dawson99]

.. a local strip club, where women as big as houses shook there puds and had nipples as big as...

[thegreedo]

the women's working at "Dawson's" massage and sauna in soho, London. Anti Hero had been smuggled into London as part of the booming sex-slave trade of the mid-nineties. Dawson was the unscrupulous owner of a seedy soho knocking shop and forced Anti-Hero to pay for his bed and board by performing depraved sexual acts on his high profile clients. It was at this venue that both Dawson and Anti-Hero became good friends with one of their most regular clients. A man known only by the name woof.

The unlikely triangle of friends became closer and closer until........

[dawson99]

...dawson and anti-hero realised that woof was filming all of his experiences and selling them on the blac market. dawson is well known not to like pirate copies, especially when he saw they involved woof, a mini vacuum cleaner and a certain person called ...