Liverpool FC Forum

[Lando_Griffin]

..."thegreedo".

Lando was not impressed, and consoled himself with the news that it was actually a web of deciet, cunningly spun by greedo to improve his Newkit status.

Lando DID actual get it on with Eva Longoria. SHe is still washing his massive collection of socks, nude.

thegreedyb*stardo decided that, rather than hang his head in shame, he would infact become a nun, and boil some carrots.

He...

[thegreedo]

Lando was not impressed, and consoled himself with the news that it was actually a web of deciet, cunningly spun by greedo to improve his Newkit status

Oh no I've been rumbled!

Quality lad, lmfao 

Anyway back to the story.

......did this for some time haunted by the desire for revenge against the gimp-like delusional Lando.

He made it his quest to find the sexual deviant. Greedo eventually tracked him down to a seedy gay bar in a dimly lit side street in downtown Hong Kong. He confronted the man mountain, he was a fearsome sight, as he got closer Lando's face began to split apart just like the fat lass from total recall to reveal that the legendary Lando was merely the impish character joko in a Hurley from lost suit. Joko looked at greedo with those menacing childlike eyes and said......

[anti-hero]

Fuck you Greedo..

[Lando_Griffin]

...I was pretending all along! I just hired this suit from "Kazza's Costumes", and the REAL Lando is actually far too busy boning Eva at his palacial mansion in Marbella to bother trekking across the land after a helecopter. That is why he sent me!"

With that, Joko drop-kicked greedo in the throat, spun around in mid-air and landed a right-knee in his crotch as they both fell to the ground.

Luckily for thegreedo he had no balls to damage, so he got up relatively unscathed on account of the fact that Joko was 6" tall and kicked like a newborn foal.

As ball-less sprang into action, Joko spotted a lone watermelon on a table behind greedo, and was so insensed by the sheer injustice of it all, that he promptly slit his throat with a blunt butterknife.

Victorious, greedo celebrated his "win" by going to a nearby lapdancing club called "The Blue Oyster", where he spent all of Joko's Yen on one particular dancer who took his fancy, "old Fat Joe."

He loved his moves so much, he offered him £2,000 of his own money to bum him that night, "Sterident" included.

Joe said...

[thegreedo]

he couldn't possibly conduct any sordid sexual acts with the concussed and incoherent greedo. After being on the wrong end of a cheap shot from the evil Joko the shaken greedo didn't know what day it was and clearly could not be held resposible for his actions.

Greedo took a moment to regain his faculties as his head cleared he decided to go back to the bar to see what had happened to Joko's body. He arrived at the bar to find Joko's lifeless corpse still lying on the floor of the bar. He then noticed a piece of paper screwed up in the left hand of the body. Greedo prized open the infant-like fingers and recovered the note, upon closer examination he found it was a receipt.

The receipt was from "kazzas costumes" and was for the hire of one Hurley suit and one eva longoria suit,the penny dropped! The evil Joko must have had an accomplice, and this accomplice had clearly duped the retarded brain of lando into thinking he was eva longoria. At this moment greedo realised all he had to do to wreak revenge on his knuckle dragging nemesis Lando was to locate the longoria clone. Do this and the subserviant Hurly like character surely wouldn't be far away.

It was a well known fact that at cirtain times of the year Lando could be found squatting at the Marbella villa owned by world famous pimp wollyback. Thinking this would surely be his greatest chance of catching his jabba-like adversary he jumped on the first flight to spain.

On arrival in the sunkissed paradise of Marbella.........

[Lando_Griffin]

...Lando had arranged for a chauffeur-driven Limo to pick up his foe from the airport.

The journey was arduous, but better than the sweat-filled alternatives.

They arrived at Lando's Mansion (which he rented to Woolly occasionally when his tawdry ways became too much and he needed new flange to pimp) just after 7pm.

Lando saw the car pull up on the CCTV, and he went to the sitting room and poured 2 glasses of the finest single-malt whiskey.

Greedo entered the room flanked by his boyfriend and Lando's chauffeur.

The two flunkies left them to get on with the business at hand.

As they sat down, 2 Eva's entered the room. One was real, the other fake.

This puzzled greedo, as he was under the misaprehension that Lando was a dull-witted waster. He was infact a smart, clean-cut Adonis of a man, with teeth so straight you could cut concrete with them.

Vexxed, greedo asked his opponent why he had two Eva Longorias, an dwhich was the fake.

The answer was that the real one WAS in love with him, and the fake one was actually Sabre, whom Lando had employed to keep people guessing.

Sabre was all too happy to do this, as he could go home at night, dress his goat in the Eva cossy, and knob it to his hearts content.

Subdued, greedo...

[thegreedo]

turned to leave, dejected and defeated only to be pushed aside by an army of baliffs.

The spanish repo men swarmed the house. They had been instructed by Woollyback to evict the illegal lodger that had encamped himself in the luxurious mantion and reduced it to nothing more than a cess pit of filth.

Just as Lando began to think things couldn't get any worse two agents for interpol made their presence know. It soon became apparent that Sabre was in fact the head of a multi million euro vice ring and had familiarised himself with the neandertal Griffin in order to recover his "bitch", the uber high class hooker longoria who had been held at the mansion against her will and was only allowed food and water in return for sickeningly sordid sexual favours ( longoria was destined to spend the rest of her life unable to ever again look at another marrow). As the cuffs were slapped on the anorexic wrists of longoria she had time for one parting shot at the now wheezing Lando, she walked over looked him in his good eye and spat in his face. As she turned to leave a blubbering Lando his huge face now glistening from the combination of tears and longoria's saliva shouted "I love you!!", but the callgirl merely muttered "b@stard" as she was ushered to a waiting police car.

Greedo looked round to see 15 burly spanish baylifs struggling to carry out the substantial figure of Lando, "wait!" he said, before walking over to the coffee table to pick up a glass of the finest single malt. He took one last look at the sweating Lando before rolling the fine scotch round the glass, downing it in one and letting out a satisfied "aaaahhh!". He then walked calmly out of the door.

A matter of seconds after the spectacular exit of the classy greedo, woollyback came running into the mansion, visibly disressed to see the state of his trashed summer house he.........

[Lando_Griffin]

...had stolen from Lando the Great.

"BUGGER!!!!!!" Exclaimed Greedo, when he awoke to realise that it was all a dream, that his whiskey had been spiked, and that he had, infact, creamed his pants.

Igor, Lando's butler, approached greedo in his dazed state, and checked the straps the punk was tied down with.

Suitably reassured of their stability, Igor left the room and released the Geese. They exacted sweet revenge on greedo's bottom.
They were brutal.

Lando, fresh from a particularly enjoyable romp with Eva, ...

[Judge]

began to give himself felatio, as he had woke up after a wet dream, and realised that the jaunts with eva and greedo et al, were all a matrix style dream.........

[thegreedo]

...had stolen from Lando the Great.

"BUGGER!!!!!!" Exclaimed Greedo, when he awoke to realise that it was all a dream, that his whiskey had been spiked, and that he had, infact, creamed his pants.

Igor, Lando's butler, approached greedo in his dazed state, and checked the straps the punk was tied down with.

Suitably reassured of their stability, Igor left the room and released the Geese. They exacted sweet revenge on greedo's bottom.
They were brutal.

Lando, fresh from a particularly enjoyable romp with Eva, ...

I expected more than a "Bobby Ewing" from you Lando!!  

....Lando spat the fruits of his self perfomed falatio on to the moth eaten carpet that covered the floor in his gloomy bedsit, before going to the fridge to retreive the glass of egg whites he had left there the previous month. He downed them in one and raised his paw like hand to wipe away the excess rancid egg membrane that was dripping across his inflated cheeks. He heard a sudden noise at the window but as it would be quicker to turn milk than Lando's sizeable bulk toward the window, he simply ignored it.

Then came a noise he simply couldn't ignore, the pizza delivery boy had turned up with his extrajumbofatb@stardcrust pizza, two for the price of one special offer. Lando almost ran to the door. He opened it but to his horror it wasn't the delivery boy at all it was in fact the horrendous figure.....Judge.....

[Judge]

slapped the delivery boy, who was a reflection of greedo the halfwit , but just then lando spied greedo doing.........

[Lando_Griffin]

....Lando spat the fruits of his self perfomed falatio on to the moth eaten carpet that covered the floor in his gloomy bedsit, before going to the fridge to retreive the glass of egg whites he had left there the previous month. He downed them in one and raised his paw like hand to wipe away the excess rancid egg membrane that was dripping across his inflated cheeks. He heard a sudden noise at the window but as it would be quicker to turn milk than Lando's sizeable bulk toward the window, he simply ignored it.

Then came a noise he simply couldn't ignore, the pizza delivery boy had turned up with his extrajumbofatb@stardcrust pizza, two for the price of one special offer. Lando almost ran to the door. He opened it but to his horror it wasn't the delivery boy at all it was in fact the horrendous figure.....Judge.....

slapped the delivery boy, who was a reflection of greedo the halfwit , but just then lando spied greedo doing.........

...naughty things with a local choir-master.

Disgusted, Lando reported the retched, filthy pervert to the authorities (JonnyMac and St. Mike), who decided to give him a yellow card in Newkitshire Court House for being a dirty b*stard.

Judge tried to plead the 5th when brought to the stand, but couldn't count above 3, so his plan was foiled.

The courts were harsh on greedo, and sentenced him to...

[Judge]

(whats the 5th??)


hard labour in a jonny factory (which was actually owned by jonnymac79) , nonetheless, lando felt that rafadodd and anti hero were.......

[thegreedo]

(come on judge ,the 5th ammendment! Never read any John Grisham then?)

clearly unskilled lawyers and far from able to defend the innocent greedo from these malicious fabricated charges. What with the lack of qualified legal representation and  Jonnymac QC's absence of even the most basic numeracy skills the whole trial was a complete farce and was duly thrown out of court.

All in attentance at the trial were abruptly ushered out of the building and into the busy Newkitshire street. A more grotesque collection of figures had not been seen in one gathering since the abuse of John Merrick had caused the abolition of the once popular Gerry Cottles freak shows (ok! maybe Roberts caravan park is just as bad!!) in the late 1900's.

All of a sudden a loud voice came forth from the gargoyle-like rabble, all heads turned toward the shady figure, he pulled back the hood of his cassock like garment to reveal his horribly disfigured face. There was an eerie silence as the voice said, "Behold, I stand here before you infidels as master of all things Newkit, and you will all, from this point forth address me as.........

[Judge]

(come on judge ,the 5th ammendment! Never read any John Grisham then? - reply from judge - no greedo)

clearly unskilled lawyers and far from able to defend the innocent greedo from these malicious fabricated charges. What with the lack of qualified legal representation and  Jonnymac QC's absence of even the most basic numeracy skills the whole trial was a complete farce and was duly thrown out of court.

All in attentance at the trial were abruptly ushered out of the building and into the busy Newkitshire street. A more grotesque collection of figures had not been seen in one gathering since the abuse of John Merrick had caused the abolition of the once popular Gerry Cottles freak shows (ok! maybe Roberts caravan park is just as bad!!) in the late 1900's.

All of a sudden a loud voice came forth from the gargoyle-like rabble, all heads turned toward the shady figure, he pulled back the hood of his cassock like garment to reveal his horribly disfigured face. There was an eerie silence as the voice said, "Behold, I stand here before you infidels as master of all things Newkit, and you will all, from this point forth address me as.........

JBG (an ugly man)......................