Liverpool FC Forum

[Chrissy]

[ScouseTommy]

Some top quality ones there ppl haha this is my fav though

On a tour of England, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the
North West coast. His 4x4 Pope-Mobile was driving along the golden
sands when there was an enormous commotion. They rushed to see what it
was and upon approaching the scene the Pope noticed just out side the
surf, a hapless man wearing a Man Utd jersey, struggling frantically to
free himself from the jaws of a 20 foot shark!

At that moment a speedboat containing three men wearing Liverpool tops
roared into view. Spontaneously, one of the men took aim at the shark
and fired a harpoon into its ribs, immobilizing it instantly.
The other two reached out and pulled the Man Utd fan from the water and then,
using long clubs, beat the shark to death.

They bundled the bleeding, semiconscious man into the speedboat along
with the dead shark and prepared for a hasty retreat, when they heard
frantic calling from the shore......It was the Pope, summoning them to
the beach. Upon reaching land, the Pope went into raptures about the
rescue and said,"I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I'd
heard that you Scousers Were xenophobic people trying to divide the
people of Britain but now I have seen with my own eyes this is not
true". "I can see your society is a truly enlightened example of tribal Harmony
which could serve as a model for other nations." He blessed them all and drove off.

As he departed, the harpooner asked the others, "Who was dat?!"

"Dat," one answered, "was his Holiness the Pope. He's in direct contact with God and has access to all God's wisdom like."

"Well," the harpooner replied, "he knows absolutely f-k all about shark
fishing. How's the bait holding up - do we need to get another one?"

[Cool Hand Luke]

Michael Barrymore has offered Manchester United £1 million pounds to play as their striker because he wants 10 pr1cks behind him and 67,000 @rseholes jumping up and down.

[Dalglish]

A bloke on his way home from work comes to a dead halt in traffic
and
thinks to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual.
Nothing's moving."

He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines

of cars so he rolls down his window and asks: "Officer what's the hold up?"

The officer replies: "It's a Man U fan, he's just so depressed about

losing the premiership to Arsenal last season and again to Chelsea
this season, being knocked out of Europe and the prospect of winning

f**k all after gobbing off all year, he's threatening to douse
himself in petrol and set himself on fire. He says his family hates
him, his mates are all laughing at him and he has never had a job.

I'm walking around taking a collection for him."

"Oh really?" says the bloke "How much have you collected so far?".
"Only about 1/2 a litre, but a lot of people are still siphoning."

[zarababe]

nice ...

[LFC #1]

A bloke on his way home from work comes to a dead halt in traffic
and
thinks to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual.
Nothing's moving."

He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines

of cars so he rolls down his window and asks: "Officer what's the hold up?"

The officer replies: "It's a Man U fan, he's just so depressed about

losing the premiership to Arsenal last season and again to Chelsea
this season, being knocked out of Europe and the prospect of winning

f**k all after gobbing off all year, he's threatening to douse
himself in petrol and set himself on fire. He says his family hates
him, his mates are all laughing at him and he has never had a job.

I'm walking around taking a collection for him."

"Oh really?" says the bloke "How much have you collected so far?".
"Only about 1/2 a litre, but a lot of people are still siphoning."

[112-1077774096]

i already told this in another thread but its worth repeating here

Mrs bouba diop is in the bath and she f@rts, papa runs upstairs and said "did you just shout me"?


it cracks me up every time   

[Judge]

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball
into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a
frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this
trap, I will grant you
three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank
you, but I failed to
mention that there was a condition to your wishes.
Whatever you wish for,
your husband will get times ten.

The woman said, "That's okay." and for her first wish,
she wanted to be the
most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realise that this wish
will also make your
husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis
whom women will flock
to."

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the
most beautiful woman
and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM! she's the most beautiful woman in the
world.

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest
woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the
richest man in the world
and he will be ten times richer than you.

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is
his and what's his is
mine.

So, KAZAM! she's the richest woman in the world.

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she
answered, "I'd like a
mild heart attack."



Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with
them.
.
.
.
.
.


ATTENTION ALL FEMALE READERS: This is the end of the
joke for you. Stop
right here.
.
.
.
.
.
.












ATTENTION ALL MALE READERS: Please scroll down.

.

.

.

.
.

.

.

.

.

..

.
.
.
.
.
.
.



The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his
wife.



Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think
they're really smart.
Let them continue to think that way. It's easier!



PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this, it
only goes to show
that you women never listen!



good init  

[Lando_Griffin]

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball
into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a
frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this
trap, I will grant you
three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank
you, but I failed to
mention that there was a condition to your wishes.
Whatever you wish for,
your husband will get times ten.

The woman said, "That's okay." and for her first wish,
she wanted to be the
most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realise that this wish
will also make your
husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis
whom women will flock
to."

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the
most beautiful woman
and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM! she's the most beautiful woman in the
world.

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest
woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the
richest man in the world
and he will be ten times richer than you.

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is
his and what's his is
mine.

So, KAZAM! she's the richest woman in the world.

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she
answered, "I'd like a
mild heart attack."



Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with
them.
.
.
.
.
.


ATTENTION ALL FEMALE READERS: This is the end of the
joke for you. Stop
right here.
.
.
.
.
.
.












ATTENTION ALL MALE READERS: Please scroll down.

.

.

.

.
.

.

.

.

.

..

.
.
.
.
.
.
.



The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his
wife.



Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think
they're really smart.
Let them continue to think that way. It's easier!



PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this, it
only goes to show
that you women never listen!



good init  

  nice...and true!!!!