Q What's red and hangs from a c#nt?
A Alex Ferguson's tie
Joke time...................
62 posts
• Page 2 of 5 • 1, 2, 3, 4, 5
by Woollyback » Mon Apr 26, 2004 2:16 pm
Q What's got 8 legs and 1 eye?
A two chairs and half a pig's head
A two chairs and half a pig's head
b*ll*c*ks and s*i*e
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Woollyback - >> LFC Elite Member <<
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by The Manhattan Project » Tue Apr 27, 2004 3:13 am
Alex Ferguson goes with Man Utd on a South American tour.
After the first match in Argentina, he goes to a strip club in Buenos Aires.
He sits down, has a few drinks, gets a lap dance and has a generally enjoyable time.
Later that night, a stripper walks up to him. She pulls down her skirt and asks him to autograph her *****. He says "OK" and signs it.
A second stripper walks up to him and opens her blouse. She asks him to autograph her tits. He says "Alright" and signs it.
Another stripper walks up to him and pulls down her underwear. She asks him to sign her vagina. He shakes his head and says "Sorry Darling, the last time I signed an Argentinian tw#t, it cost me twenty-eight million".
After the first match in Argentina, he goes to a strip club in Buenos Aires.
He sits down, has a few drinks, gets a lap dance and has a generally enjoyable time.
Later that night, a stripper walks up to him. She pulls down her skirt and asks him to autograph her *****. He says "OK" and signs it.
A second stripper walks up to him and opens her blouse. She asks him to autograph her tits. He says "Alright" and signs it.
Another stripper walks up to him and pulls down her underwear. She asks him to sign her vagina. He shakes his head and says "Sorry Darling, the last time I signed an Argentinian tw#t, it cost me twenty-eight million".
china syndrome 80512640 reactor meltdown fusion element
no uniquely indefinable one 5918 identification unknown 113
source transmission 421 general panic hysteria 02 outbreak
foreign mutation 001505 maximum code destruction nuclear
reflection 01044 power plutonium helix atomic energy wave
no uniquely indefinable one 5918 identification unknown 113
source transmission 421 general panic hysteria 02 outbreak
foreign mutation 001505 maximum code destruction nuclear
reflection 01044 power plutonium helix atomic energy wave
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The Manhattan Project - >> LFC Elite Member <<
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by anfieldadorer » Tue Apr 27, 2004 6:15 am
Somebody could have heard about this: 
Alex Ferguson is curious how Arsenal reached the double last year, so he decides on a visit to London to see how Arsene Wenger coaches his team. After one day he is not really impressed by the training practices, so he asks Wenger how he gets his players so sharp. Well it is simple. I sometimes ask my players a difficult question, and that way they stay really sharp mentally. Of course Fergie wants an example, so Wenger asks Bergkamp to come over to the sidelines. He asks: Dennis, he is not your brother, but still he is your fathers son. Who is he? That is not difficult, Dennis answers immediately, Of course that is me. You see? Thats the way you keep them sharp, Wenger says to Fergie.
Ferguson, who wants to win the double also, decides to bring this into Manchester Uniteds practice the next day. He calls David Beckham over to the sidelines. David, I have a question for you, he says, He is not your brother, but still he is your fathers son, who is he?. My God, Coach, is the Spice Boys reply, That is a tough one to answer, can I sleep on that one night, and why do you ask me these questions? Fergie explains it has to do with some continental coaching trick and agrees with the one night postponement. So that night Beckham decides to call Jaap Stam. He has played on the continent, maybe he knows something about these continental coaching methods. Jaap, maybe you know the answer to this question, he is not your brother, but still he is your fathers son. Who is he?. That is easy, that is me!, says Jaap Stam.
So the next day David walks full of confidence to Ferguson. Fergie asks: David, do you know the answer to my question now?. Yes it was actually very easy, he says, Is it Jaap Stam?. Ferguson answers: No of course not you stupid b*stard. Its Dennis Bergkamp.
Alex Ferguson is curious how Arsenal reached the double last year, so he decides on a visit to London to see how Arsene Wenger coaches his team. After one day he is not really impressed by the training practices, so he asks Wenger how he gets his players so sharp. Well it is simple. I sometimes ask my players a difficult question, and that way they stay really sharp mentally. Of course Fergie wants an example, so Wenger asks Bergkamp to come over to the sidelines. He asks: Dennis, he is not your brother, but still he is your fathers son. Who is he? That is not difficult, Dennis answers immediately, Of course that is me. You see? Thats the way you keep them sharp, Wenger says to Fergie.
Ferguson, who wants to win the double also, decides to bring this into Manchester Uniteds practice the next day. He calls David Beckham over to the sidelines. David, I have a question for you, he says, He is not your brother, but still he is your fathers son, who is he?. My God, Coach, is the Spice Boys reply, That is a tough one to answer, can I sleep on that one night, and why do you ask me these questions? Fergie explains it has to do with some continental coaching trick and agrees with the one night postponement. So that night Beckham decides to call Jaap Stam. He has played on the continent, maybe he knows something about these continental coaching methods. Jaap, maybe you know the answer to this question, he is not your brother, but still he is your fathers son. Who is he?. That is easy, that is me!, says Jaap Stam.
So the next day David walks full of confidence to Ferguson. Fergie asks: David, do you know the answer to my question now?. Yes it was actually very easy, he says, Is it Jaap Stam?. Ferguson answers: No of course not you stupid b*stard. Its Dennis Bergkamp.
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anfieldadorer - >> LFC Elite Member <<
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by stmichael » Tue Apr 27, 2004 11:19 am
David Blaine has given up his controversial stunt.
He was told that 44 days doing nothing in a box is not going to break the record which is currently held by Emile Heskey at 4 years!
He was told that 44 days doing nothing in a box is not going to break the record which is currently held by Emile Heskey at 4 years!
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stmichael - Forum Moderator
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by Woollyback » Tue Apr 27, 2004 1:21 pm
Q What have Michael Jackson and a Tesco bag got in common?
A Both made of plastic and should be kept away from children
Q What's red & yellow and full of s##t?
A An Aldi bag
A Both made of plastic and should be kept away from children
Q What's red & yellow and full of s##t?
A An Aldi bag
b*ll*c*ks and s*i*e
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Woollyback - >> LFC Elite Member <<
- Posts: 12400
- Joined: Tue Mar 23, 2004 3:11 pm
- Location: Manchester
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