Liverpool FC Forum

[Judge]

I'll give you my joint top three.  In no particular order.  You can have a poll or somthing later....

1)  Satisfied a very lucky man. 

1) Was with a man.

1) My taxi arrived and was driven by a gay man with a huge co'ck, so i sucked it mmmmmmmm

fuc'king weirdo

[stmichael]

Yesterday afternoon, I was in a meeting with about 20 co-workers and some kind of corporate dweeb up there talking about loss prevention. Having had Panchos the night before, I was pretty gasious. It took all my concentration to hold in this massive fart...

One of my co-workers got up to exit the room and as I got up to give her room to get by I ripped the loudest fart in the history of the world. It kind of echoed in the brick room. Most of the people in the room laughed, including the guy up there talking, a couple looked at me like they didn't know what a fart was. 

At least nobody can say I didnt give a sh#t about the presentation!

   

[Roger Red Hat]

a barman (fred) in my local pub told me a true story. Fred works as a Drayman (somebody who delivers beer to a pub) and one day they had a new recruit on board having his first day at work, learning the trade. Fred pulls up the truck outide the pub, dying for a p!ss he went around the other side of the truck to relieve himself. 2 minutes later the new recruit says "Fred, there's something running out from underneath the truck" to which Fred said, "It must be breakage either in wines/spirits or bottled beer. See if you can find out what it is"
With this the kid leaps under the truck, dips his finger in the p!ss and puts it in his mouth to taste it.
"Grolsh I would say" was the confident reply.

[Judge]

a barman (fred) in my local pub told me a true story. Fred works as a Drayman (somebody who delivers beer to a pub) and i was nervous as i was having my first day at my new job, learning the trade. Fred pulls up the truck outide the pub, dying for a p!ss he went around the other side of the truck to relieve himself. 2 minutes later i shouted "Fred, there's something running out from underneath the truck" to which Fred said, "It must be breakage either in wines/spirits or bottled beer. See if you can find out what it is"
With this i lept under the truck, dipped my finger in the p!ss and put it in my mouth to taste it. mmmmmm, i said
"Grolsh I would say" was the confident reply.

you drink too much grolsh lee   

[Judge]

a barman (fred) in my local pub told me a true story. Fred works as a Drayman (somebody who delivers beer to a pub) and i was nervous as i was having my first day at my new job, learning the trade. Fred pulls up the truck outide the pub, dying for a p!ss he went around the other side of the truck to relieve himself. 2 minutes later i shouted "Fred, there's something running out from underneath the truck" to which Fred said, "It must be breakage either in wines/spirits or bottled beer. See if you can find out what it is"
With this i lept under the truck, dipped my finger in the p!ss and put it in my mouth to taste it. mmmmmm, i said
"Grolsh I would say" was the confident reply.

you drink too much grolsh lee   

i said     

[Gareth G]

Don't know if I really want to share this one, but...

Out partying one night and having a real good time, but as usual I went too far and got completely blind drunk. Was time to go home so I made off with this girl who I'd been with. We went to her mum's house, well, she kind of carried me. Anyway, we got in and we went up stair's and started fooling around when I got a real urge to go for a , so went to the bathroom in pitch black and done the business finished up and made my way back to the bedroom, jumped into bed and started pulling the furry purse off this girl, she was quite enjoying it too and even joined in. Was working away for a few minute's when I heard a voice saying, "where are you?", as I said, I was blind drunk, but at the point when I heard that voice I knew what I had being doing straight away - I had been playing with her mum!!!! Needless to say she let on she was a sleep when her daughter came looking for me.

To make it worse, I woke up feeling the next morning, learning that I had infact all over the floor lol. To my reliefe the girl thought I was sleeping beside her mum and didn't know what I had done, she said she heard me come out of the bathroom and wondered what I was doing when I didn't go back to her room. But, not finished yet, it cheered me up when I seen her mum because she was fit for her age, actually better looking than her daughter I went home with!

[Woollyback]

and if you believe that, you'll believe anything

[Gareth G]

The choice is yours...

Neh, I actually read a story like that somewhere, so it is in essense true lol....

[Gareth G]

This one is serious, not really embarrassing, more of a "what a total knob" one.

Only left school and got a job in this meat factory, was only there about a week and started getting know people a bit better. This guy dared me to hit his "friend" with a leg of lamb, wanting to fit I agreed, so he waited until his friend came into the room and showed me which one he was. So, I lifted the lamp and threw it across the room, clobbered him straight up the back of the nut while he was standing talking. Turns out it was the main boss! The whole room went silent as he looked around to try and pinpoint who threw it, he came straight over to me ( think my red face give it away ) and said was that you? He knew fine rightly it was, but wanted me to own up, but I just stood there, so he proceeded to chew the nut's off me in the middle of the factory while everyone was cheering and whistling lol. The guy who dared me to do it bought me my lunch afterwards and ask me if I wanted to go for a drink at the weekend.

[andy_g]

i got an answer wrong in the pub quiz last night. god i felt such a fool.

[116-1104673748]

When I attended a Year 11 farewell party,the dress code said formal.And I went dressed too formally like a Mafia member minus the gun when everyone else dressed at an average formal level.

[Ciggy]

This one is serious, not really embarrassing, more of a "what a total knob" one.

Only left school and got a job in this meat factory, was only there about a week and started getting know people a bit better. This guy dared me to hit his "friend" with a leg of lamb, wanting to fit I agreed, so he waited until his friend came into the room and showed me which one he was. So, I lifted the lamp and threw it across the room, clobbered him straight up the back of the nut while he was standing talking. Turns out it was the main boss! The whole room went silent as he looked around to try and pinpoint who threw it, he came straight over to me ( think my red face give it away ) and said was that you? He knew fine rightly it was, but wanted me to own up, but I just stood there, so he proceeded to chew the nut's off me in the middle of the factory while everyone was cheering and whistling lol. The guy who dared me to do it bought me my lunch afterwards and ask me if I wanted to go for a drink at the weekend.

    pmsl leg of lamb 

[Judge]

i got an answer wrong in the pub quiz last night. god i felt such a fool.

i would be nice if you got any right andy        

[andy_g]

i got an answer wrong in the pub quiz last night. god i felt such a fool.

i would be nice if you got any right andy        

why would you be nice if i got any right, judge? and how nice would you be?

[Judge]

i see nowt changes here