Liverpool FC Forum

[Woollyback]

and you as well Zar, don't tell us you've made it this far through life without making a complete a*se of yourself at some point!

[84-1106852058]

.. Yeh come on doll spill the beans

Ciggy there must be something girl,or you will have to change your name to barbie the perfect doll.You to Zara there has to be a bit of cabbage patch in both of you.  

[A.B.]

I pulled this really fit girl I'd fancied for ages at uni. We ended up back at her place, had another couple of drinks in her room and "retired to bed". I was in Woolly heaven all night cos I'd been after this girl for a while, but imagine my shame when I woke up in the morning to discover I'd only gone and p1ssed the bed    

Luckily there was an empty can of lager on the floor so I just shoved that under the duvet and went back to sleep, getting off with only a minor b*llocking for spilling beer in her bed  

Sir Woolly Pis$ A lot

[112-1077774096]

my mates most embarassing is good, he pulled some american bird in a club in hong kong, she was a director for nike. anyway as they were dancing he did a wet f@rt, but being drunk he forgot about it.
anyway he scored and was invited back to her hotel, 5 star. when they get to the room mark thought he would entice her by doing a saucy dance and he put some music on. he starts to do a strip, takes off his shirt then as an added bonus he turns away from her, and bends over whilst dropping his jeans. next thing he heard with an american accent "mark, you sh!t your pants".

he still boned her, good lad   

[Woollyback]

dirty yanks

[dawson99]

This was almost very embarressing...
I was going out with this girl for about a month and she was completely insane. She lives in primrose hill and for those that dont know, this is the posh part of camden with a cool park and nice hill for a view and all that romantic bo11ox. Anyways...
We'd already been kicked out of a cinema for certain shenanigans when we did our usual drunken walk back to hers. When we got to the park tho as always she wanted to do something that would embarress me as much as possible so her idea was to do a certain thing up a tree. I dunno if anyone has ever done this up a tree, but everyones climbed a tree. And you all know that when its windy the tree becomes less safe. Anyways,w e climbed the tree and stuff started happening... and thats when i realised something. If i fell, id be mostly disrobed and it was a pretty long fall. If you need an ambulance thats one thing, if u need one because u fell out of a tree during sex thats quite another.
So i tried to slow things down, and this just made her do things even faster and she was leaning into me more than usual and i was falling a bit then grabbing onto branches to stop myself from falling. Branches were crashing to the ground...could have been bad lol

Well i didnt fall down, we stopped, did it under a tree where a couple of cuclists caught us, but it could have been so much worse.

[Woollyback]

I've just remembered another

A couple of years back I'd arranged to meet my bluesh*te mate Ben at my local one Saturday evening. I couldn't wait to take the p*ss cos Everton had got beat that afternoon by some really crappy team, W Brom or somebody. I'd had a few ales in the afternoon anyway so was feeling half way there when I walked into the crowded pub. Ben was standing at the bar with his back to me so I rushed over and grabbed him playfully round the throat as if to strangle him and shouted "Aaaaaarrrrgh ya bluesh*te b*stard!!"

Then Ben turned round with a very shocked and worried expression on his face....         the only problem was......



IT WASN'T BEN!!, it was a complete f*cking stranger who just looked like him from b ehind!!!     

God I felt like a t*t

[84-1106852058]

Up a tree whaaay what a girl,my Mrs.looks for excuses when I sugest climbing the stairs.

[Starbridge42]

Oh god that is fu,cking hilarious!

[84-1106852058]

I've just remembered another

A couple of years back I'd arranged to meet my bluesh*te mate Ben at my local one Saturday evening. I couldn't wait to take the p*ss cos Everton had got beat that afternoon by some really crappy team, W Brom or somebody. I'd had a few ales in the afternoon anyway so was feeling half way there when I walked into the crowded pub. Ben was standing at the bar with his back to me so I rushed over and grabbed him playfully round the throat as if to strangle him and shouted "Aaaaaarrrrgh ya bluesh*te b*stard!!"

Then Ben turned round with a very shocked and worried expression on his face....         the only problem was......



IT WASN'T BEN!!, it was a complete f*cking stranger who just looked like him from b ehind!!!     

God I felt like a t*t

I did exacly the same.I was on holiday in Lanzarote when the mancs were knocked out by Porto.You can imagine my excitement when I walked into the hotel bar,and standing ther was the Manc who had been teasing my 3 year old all day for wearing a Liverpool kit.Theres that Manc tw4t says I,
I came from behind him and had him in a headlock and on the floor in seconds.I still dint realise Id got it wrong until this German woman started screaming and pulling at me.This was no Manc it was I later learned Karl from Hamburg.
I sheepishly apologised but not known for there sense of humour the German couple just thought Iwas mad.Things had just calmed down when the Manc walked in,when Itold him  what had happened he couldnt stop laughing and had an asthma attack.Oh Happy Days.

[dawson99]

whenever im at the pub my mate will grab a guys a$$ and run off. usually when im stood next to him waiting at the bar. We have all started doing it now. Wait at the bar with your mate, if a guy is standing nmext to him u pat his a$$ and run off for the guy to give your mate either a really dirty look, or a sly smile... either way embaressment is always there

[Woollyback]

I've just remembered another

A couple of years back I'd arranged to meet my bluesh*te mate Ben at my local one Saturday evening. I couldn't wait to take the p*ss cos Everton had got beat that afternoon by some really crappy team, W Brom or somebody. I'd had a few ales in the afternoon anyway so was feeling half way there when I walked into the crowded pub. Ben was standing at the bar with his back to me so I rushed over and grabbed him playfully round the throat as if to strangle him and shouted "Aaaaaarrrrgh ya bluesh*te b*stard!!"

Then Ben turned round with a very shocked and worried expression on his face....         the only problem was......



IT WASN'T BEN!!, it was a complete f*cking stranger who just looked like him from b ehind!!!     

God I felt like a t*t

I did exacly the same.I was on holiday in Lanzarote when the mancs were knocked out by Porto.You can imagine my excitement when I walked into the hotel bar,and standing ther was the Manc who had been teasing my 3 year old all day for wearing a Liverpool kit.Theres that Manc tw4t says I,
I came from behind him and had him in a headlock and on the floor in seconds.I still dint realise Id got it wrong until this German woman started screaming and pulling at me.This was no Manc it was I later learned Karl from Hamburg.
I sheepishly apologised but not known for there sense of humour the German couple just thought Iwas mad.Things had just calmed down when the Manc walked in,when Itold him  what had happened he couldnt stop laughing and had an asthma attack.Oh Happy Days.

can't believe you got him in a headlock and wrestled the poor bugger to the floor

what happened to the manu fan, please tell me he keeled over and croked it there and then 

[zarababe]

.. when I was at college.. one evening on my way bak from a lecture.. a girl and I left the College at the same time...  half way down the street a bloke wearing a raincoat, hood covering his face to the cheek bones.. stopped along side us and started to grunt..

I looked over to the girl and said "look at what this idiot is doin.. " she looked over and said.. "oh that's my dad .. got to go "      

[simic_ie]

Dammit I was hoping there would be something a bit more risque to your story zara 

[woof woof !]

On a recent holiday in spain I went down to a local doctors to see about what could be a slight hernia problem. I had to hang about for a couple of hours but it was worth it . Dr Alicia Berral Gomez is going to be my next wife ,she's georgeos and I'm instantly in love ,with her body ..........I'll consider her mind later . In her accented broken english and scented breath she tell me to take off my shorts and lie down.So there I am watching her pull on a pair of latex gloves ,her white doctors coat is partially open revealing fantastic breasts and when she crosses her gorgeous tanned legs I decide I better start thinking very hard about a brick wall . i thought she would just put her hand inside my sloggis and feel for the hernia but to my suprise (and secret delight ) she yanks them down and feels one groin and then the other with one hand whilst with the other she gently cradles my nuts .    At this point the forbidden and unforgiving occurs,to my embarrasment (I was still trying to hang on to the fading shreds of a brick wall ) the thruster buster is out of control and I've got a pole so long you could fly a flag from it . I yanked up my sloggis but that only made me look as though I was impersonating an indian wigwam .Happily she saw the funny side and quickly finished the examination.

As I left I asked (with fingers crossed ) if I needed to see her again,she said "only if you want something" ,I knew she didn't mean what I wanted her to mean but all the same I asked "In that case can I come back later today ? "
She gave me a great smile and shut the door in my face .  I know she loves me