Liverpool FC Forum

[lakes10]

As many of you know I teach anger management, self esteem and confidence (and other stuff like that)

a lot of the time i deal with abused women on my confidence courses but over the years something has started to happend.

when i run a anger class that is just for women most of them tell me how they beat their husbands and then they laugh.

sometime when i run a anger class for men i will have a man that say his anger is out of control due to the fact that he was beaten by his ex wife but he never called the police.


5 weeks ago there was a man on my class that told me he was being beaten by his wife and could i find some one to help him, i made a few phone calls only to find that there was no help, i told the man to call the police, he told me he had and when they turned up to his big nice house they said are you sure she did that, must be pmt, they looked at his wife an said leave he along and had a laugh with her.

he then told me that one night he was told by her to come home at 10:30, he turned up at 10:32, she did not say anything , he made her a cup of tea and then took himself off to bed, he woke up an hour later with pain in his feet, when he looked she had sliced the bootom of his feet with a blade,

he told me she had done things like this before and had been to the hospital about them, the hospital did nothing.

i have tried so hard to find help for him and he closes place he can get into is in london, it turnes out there is only about 3 mens shelters in the UK.

the more i teach the moe i hear of things like this.

an abused husbands is seen as a joke by most but it happens.

there needs to be more in the press about this and the police need to do more when they are called, it seems it takes a lot for a man to call the police to say they are being abused by their wife and when they make that call they need help, just like the help lots of women get.

[Big Niall]

I'm sure it happens and sure they need protection and to be taken seriously.

But the vast majority of spousal abuse is a man beating up his woman.

[dawson99]

I'm sure it happens and sure they need protection and to be taken seriously.

But the vast majority of spousal abuse is a man beating up his woman.

Not too vast id say... and needs to be looked at.

[Sabre]

Combat sexism means that if a woman beats his husband she should be applied the same law, as all humans are the same.

Before knowing my current girlfriend, who makes me truely happy, I had a stormous relationship with a girl that was short tempered. She didn't beat me up, because she couldn't, but she threw dishes to me or what she found at that moment of rage. Might seem funny to read, but when you live it it's no fun -- I even thought after that relationship that I didn't want a couple the rest of my life, the dishes were only part of the nightmare --

Myself I don't take the topic lightly because I think that violence at home is an important problem, and since I think sexism is not right, the problem should be equally addressed.

[Dundalk]

It happened to a mate of mine who eventually said it to me after he split up with her.

I never would have thought it was going on

[dawson99]

... and we wonder why people don't take it seriously

[GYBS]

I expect their a lot more cases of wifes/girlfriends abusing partners but the guys wont come fowrard a lot of the time in fear of being ridiculed by other men (even by police its seems) about the fact they are getting abused by a female - totally wrong in my eyes but prob the reality of the situation and your right lakes something needs to be done .

[112-1077774096]

Well Lakes, I can speak from experience, (not me being abused), but I saw it in the police a few times. many domestic disputes would involve the neighbour or the wife calling and we would arrive with the perception it was the guy doing the abusing 100% of the time.

I learned very quickly that some guys were scared, not of being arrested but scared of the whole situation and it would be the wife ranting and raving, some women would start the problem then call the police knowing we would side with them. it got to the point where i would ask both if they felt safe staying there and also told them (when i thought it was the wife causing the problem) that if I had to come back one would be arrested for breach of the peace, then I would look at the wife and say "and it wont necessarily be him".

on one occasion the woman was rabid and the bloke was sitting in the chair eating his tea, she was the abuser mate and she came at me with a knife, it was one of only two times I hit a woman (both on duty and both unavoidable).

Not enough men make the complaint as it emasculates them in their opinion, but we know it goes on, we know to the extent of murder sometimes

[GYBS]

Im guessing lakes wanted this as a serious thread and it is a serious subject mate so this thread is prob not the right place for jokes or banter mate

[Judge]

I guess cos my post wasn't serious it got deleted

same here 

stealth deletion

[GYBS]

Its exactly as you say about the mens own opinion of themselves and how other people will see them if they complain about being abused - some (maybe most) will feel less of a man for 1. getting abused by a female 2. Complaining to someone about it . Very sad state of affairs .

[Bammo]

There's a much larger proportion of male victims than people think. A quick glance at google brings up Govt reports suggest it's between 19-34% of domestic violence cases.

Lakes, I found this site which you may or may not be aware of. I can't say how good it is because thankfully I've not had to use it:


Men's advice line

[Judge]

the worse one is the lying ex who says theyve been abused, only for them to use the kid as a pawn in their sick little games they play. bottom line is the father, who is a good man doesnt get to see his child as a result of a bitter women!!

[loopyliverpool]

If the bloke wants to stay in the relationship he needs to take positive action and seek help via counselling for his partner. Her behaviour needs assessing by a professional psychiatrist/psychologist to determine why she is so agressive towards him. If she is unwilling to do this he has to move on cos she will not change. In most of these instances, whether it is male or female agression, the trigger for these episodes is a loss of control. The phrase 'control freak' is common and sounds like it could be applied to this woman. A friend's partner took it upon herself to smash all the windows in their house after a minor argument and she is a high flying 'achiever' who holds down a really good job etc. My point is that certain people, male or female, can lose it if their position of authority has been compromised. It is not normal and not uncommon.It is naturally more of a male trait but can be seen in domineering women also. Help is needed.

[kazza 1]

I remember this being on Utv news a while back. Though it was about abuse in general one of the days there was a report on the domestic abuse of men and how many are afraid to report that their partner is abusing them. Most people think of domestic abuse of women but here in NI the rate of men being abused has risen so much that the police have no other option than to take it seriously. I think the report said that 1 in 10 men are abused on a daily basis. So now theres an ad campaign on telly that is amied at ALL domestic abuse and they are stressing that even if the victim says nothing, the abuser can still be charged.
Lakes, I dont no if this will help but theres a support group here in Northern Ireland called M.A.P (Mens Advisory Project), that was set up to help men suffering from domestic abuse. Their telephone number is 028 9024129 and the link to their website is below. Maybe if you give them a ring they might be able to tell you if there are similar groups in your area or even give you some advice.

My Webpagehttp://www.mapni.co.uk./index.html